Hey, it’s AAA Sin Límite! And after a dramatic last few weeks, it’s back to television action!
The show started with a “coming up” – that was odd. For a wrestling show, I mean.
They showed a video tribute to el Hijo del Perro Aguayo, who died as a result of injuries received in a match in Tijuana a few weeks back, and then had an in-ring ceremony, led by AAA owners Marisela Peña and Joaquín Roldán. Konnan said some heartfelt words. It was all very emotional.
That done with, they showed a hype video for Niño Hamburguesa, the morbidly-obese teenager who is very, very popular with the fans.
He was also in our first match, teaming with Faby Apache & Pasion Kristal against el Apache, Mary Apache & Mamba. This was a man, woman & exótico versus man, woman & exótico match. Mexico!
El Apache and Mary Apache came out together to Queen’s “We Will Rock You”. They were wearing long, Native American headdresses, and I had flashbacks to “beautiful but deadly”, Princess Paula. *shudder*
Mamba came out and danced. So Mamba.
Técnico exótico Pasion Kristal is new to me. She came out to Madonna’s “Like A Virgin”. Cheeky! Oh, she’s a one, alright – trying to kiss reluctant men on her way to the ring…
Yay! Niño Hamburguesa! He is so fat I fear he will die!
And here’s Faby Apache, out to fight her dad and sister. She, too, is rocking the headdress. That’s far too many headdresses.
The ref is el Hijo del Tirantes, a rudo. “Booooooooo!” say the crowd.
When the match started, Mamba wanted to pose. Faby Apache was having none of it and kicked her ass. They did some sweet matwork and Mamba got sent outside.
Pasion Kristal and Mary Apache came in. I mean this in the highest possible terms – Kristal has her some of the gayest selling ever.
Oh, and then Pasion Kristal dry humped el Apache, and then kissed el Hijo del Tirantes. Standard. What wasn’t standard was an accidental kiss between exóticos – that should never happen. It’s like one of the fundamental laws of the universe and they both reacted accordingly.
That led into the rudo breakdown, with el Apache smacking shit out of his youngest daughter, but a missed corner splash led to a switchover.
El Hijo del Tirantes earned the ire of the técnicos when he slow counted a Niño Hamburguesa pin on el Apache after a splash. Faby Apache got the crowd to chant rudo at el Hijo del Tirantes. Which, to be fair, he is.
Niño Hamburguesa lined up the first of his trademark moves, stacking los rudos in the corner for his cannonball. And then he hit his cannonball. It doesn’t look as ouchy as some, but he is very fat.
Mary Apache got in on the family abuse, smacking around her younger sister Faby Apache. The crowd were really into Faby Apache. It’s a crime that she never made it in WWE.
The finish was set up when Pasion Kristal kissed el Apache and Niño Hamburguesa lucha-bumped him into the corner. El Apache and Mamba were then laid out for Niño Hamburguesa’s splash and he ate his customary pie before splashing and getting the win.
That was great.
The next match was another trios match: this time, La Parka, Psycho Clown & Angélico took on Texano Jr, Pentagón Jr & Dark Cuervo.
As I never tire of pointing out, Dark Cuervo is tafka Heavy Dracula! He looks more Kiss than The Crow tonight, though.
Pentagón Jr came out holding his two championship belts. He may be the most BAWSS man in Mexico. Although, Texano Jr has a MASSIVE sword, which won at Rey de Reyes, so I dunno…
Angélico came out to Calvin Harris. Even though he’s obviously a massive global star – Harris, not Angélico – it sounds odd hearing him on a foreign TV show.
Psycho Clown got announced with a MASSIVE laugh by the ring announcer. Like, really sinister. Fucking freaky. He came out and got attacked by Pentagón Jr and Texano Jr on the ramp. Then La Parka came out and Pentagón Jr was waiting for him. The announcer started the match despite them having been fighting for a minute already. Wrestling!
Texano Jr started undoing Psycho Clown’s boot. I’ve seen this recently. It’s still weird. I’m sure it’s against the rules, although el Hijo del Tirantes ignored it.
Pentagón Jr started strangling La Parka. I’m sure it’s against the rules, although el Hijo del Tirantes ignored it.
Angélico got hit by a chair. I’m sure it’s against the rules, although el Hijo del Tirantes etc.
With the other técnicos down, they began smashing chairs over Psycho Clown’s ankle. The heat for this was amazing. WWE would kill for this heat. But, boy, this is one long rudo breakdown.
Oh! Psycho Clown’s ankle is bruised to shit and he did a stretcher job. It’s three-on-two!
Texano Jr busted out his bull rope and started whipping Angélico. The referee showed mild concern, but was easily assuaged. BUT! La Parka made the comeback. And Angélico’s alive!
Angélico hit a flip plancha onto Texano Jr and Dark Cuervo, and La Parka got chairs. The crowd went from red hot to white hot. And because turnabout is fair play, los técnicos began smashing Pentagón Jr’s ankle with chairs. The ref, obv, can’t do anything because he’s already allowed it on Psycho Clown. What a dilemma!
Dark Cuervo wanted to help Pentagón Jr but was too scared of “chairs” – a sensible fear – and La Parka had to be held back by security so they could carry out Pentagón Jr. Evens again, then.
The four remaining combatants had a big brawl on the outside, and sneaky little Escoria, who tags with Dark Cuervo, came to ringside. No matter, La Parka was on top against los rudos.
La Parka began running the ropes and los rudos stepped aside. He mocked them, doing flamboyant runs, then stopped and goaded them into attacking each other when he ducked. Gold. La Parka and Texano Jr tumbled to outside, leaving Angélico and Dark Cuervo in the ring.
Angélico upped the pace and earned a nearfall after a kick. The crowd got on el Hijo del Tirantes’s back for not counting fast enough. It’s a living. Angélico got another nearfall after a double foot stomp, and that brought Escoria into the ring.
Angélico kicked him out but that distraction allowed Dark Cuervo to hit a sit-out powerbomb for the win.
After the match, Escoria attacked Angélico, and Jack Evans made the save! Girls screamed! Pants were wettened!
Angélico cut a talky (en Español!) on Escoria and Dark Cuervo, and we almost got an impromptu match. It’ll wait, apparently. FEUDING!
They showed highlights from Rey de Reyes, and I might actually go back and watch the whole show if I ever get time. It looked fun.
Hey, it’s our main event! It’s el Patrón Alberto versus Brian Cage! BRIAN!
Cage came out first to HEAVY METAL, holding a cane. He was with Konnan, el Hijo del Fantasma & Pentagón Jr. EVIL UNITED.
Cage had “5%” on the back of his t-shirt. No, me either.
Shit, man, el Patrón Alberto is so over. Some girl fans jump the barrier for hugs. HUGS!
El Patrón Alberto was dressed for a streetfight, so I guess this was a streetfight.
In the ring, Konnan cut a talky and el Patrón Alberto grabbed the mic’. He said some stuff and called Cage a gringo. Bit racist. Oh, and they bleeped something out – I presume he swore. EDGY!
The match kinda started with a pile-on and the ref blatantly ignored it. It wasn’t even el Hijo del Tirantes, it was Copetes Salazar! They’re all at it!
Los rudos were so naughty that La Parka had to come down with a chair to clear house. He hung around to make sure it didn’t happen again.
Not to be daunted, el Patrón Alberto went after los rudos on the outside, and started brawling with Cage, the one he was actually in a match with. They moved into the ring and out again. Los rudos were still prowling but La Parka had el Patrón Alberto’s back.
Back in the ring again, Cage was smacking el Patrón Alberto. He put him on the bottom rope and everyone started having a go. La Parka slowly waddled round with his chair…
While this was going on, Cage grabbed his cane in the ring and set a chair up in the turnbuckle. BUT! el Patrón Alberto made a comeback! He went up top but got leg-tripped off and thrown to the outside, where los rudos put the boots in. La Parka made the save again but where is EVERYONE ELSE?
Cage went up top but el Patrón Alberto crotched him and hit a reverse superplex. The champion was on top and took a chair from a delighted child in the crowd.
El Patrón Alberto missed a chair shot but hit a lungblower for a nearfall. Upping the ante, he grabbed a huge piece of wood and set it up in a corner.
Before he could use it, Cage rallied with a superkick and a fireman’s carry slam for a nearfall. Frustrated, he went for a discus clothesline, which el Patrón Alberto ducked and hit an exploder suplex on Cage through the board for a nearfall of his own.
El Patrón Alberto went up top but Cage crotched him. Cage went for a superplex but el Patrón Alberto fought out, dropped Cage down into a Tree of Woe and hit a foot stomp off the top. Ouchy!
El Patrón Alberto tried to lock on his cross armbreaker submission but Cage shoved him off and hit his discus clothesline for a nearfall. He followed that up with a springboard moonsault for another nearfall.
El Patrón Alberto rolled outside and the medics began checking on him. Everyone looked concerned. Not Cage, though: he grabbed el Patrón Alberto and threw him back into the ring, looking to end it. BUT! el Patrón Alberto locked on the cross armbreaker, and los rudos ran in and stomped Cage loose. Guess what? The ref wasn’t bothered! LUCHA!
While the stomping was continuing, Pentagón Jr & el Hijo del Fantasma set up a table. El Patrón Alberto made his own save and sent los rudos packing. Konnan was left in the ring, and el Patrón Alberto took his t-shirt off. OH IT’S ON! Konnan was in the corner, praying. Superkick. Ha!
Cage tried to blindside el Patrón Alberto, and got sent into the chair he lodged in the corner earlier on. El Patrón Alberto locked on the cross armbreaker but Cage herc’d him up out of it and slammed him through the table for a very, very, very nearfall.
Oh wait, no, it was a pin. Hmm, that was fucked up. Cage wins, but it’s non-title so THIS FEUD MUST CONTINUE!
That was very brawly. It’s all to set stuff up so I can forgive it. A little.
After the match, los rudos beat on el Patrón Alberto and La Parka. Psycho Clown came out to make the save but Mesías came out to lay out Psycho Clown. Blue Demon Jr ran out to try and save the day but Cage took him out and los rudos stood victorious to end the show.
That was a Good Show. The first match was great and the rest was brawly programme-establishing stuff. For a company that had its planned direction torn apart, they’re putting things back together nicely.
(You can see this show every week on AAA’s YouTube channel. The stars of AAA will be appearing at London’s Albert Hall on July 11th – details on luchafuture.com)