Hey, it’s WWE Smackdown! It’s a show without the top four babyfaces!
The show started with Seth Rollins, and J& Security, coming down to the ring. Rollins sarcastically congratulated Randy Orton for manipulating him into getting trapped in the steel cage and RKO’d on Monday.
He said he didn’t care about the cage at Extreme Rules because he didn’t need anyone’s help to beat Orton, including Kane, who he had a bit of a go at.
This brought out Kane, who said he could be Rollins’s best friend or worst enemy at the PPV. Rollins said that, if Kane wasn’t on his side, The Authority would fire him. He said the only reason he was the gatekeeper for the Steel Cage match was that HHH felt sorry for him.
Kane said that may be so but he was in charge tonight. He said it was only fair that, since he laid down for Rollins last week, Rollins lie down for him tonight. He called for a referee and told Rollins it would be a non-title match.
Rollins tried to argue but Kane ordered him to lie down or he’d rip his guts out. Unprofessional. Rollins slowly went to the mat and lay down, telling Kane to get it over with. Kane laughed and said he was just messing with Rollins, and helped him up. He said he’d always have Rollins’s back, unlike his opponent tonight – Dean Ambrose.
Ambrose came out but before I get to that let’s talk about Kane. I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I’m buying into this angle. I like Kane in this current role – he’s almost like D-FENS in Falling Down, the exasperated corporate man at the end of his tether. And I WANT to see Kane and Rollins got at it.
So, on Sunday at Extreme Rules, when they do the old, “ha, can’t believe you feel for it!” trick of not having Kane turn on Rollins because it was a ruse all along, I’m going to be FURIOUSLY ANGRY. Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me a bazillion times, you’re a prick.
Anyway, before Ambrose and Rollins could get it on, Luke Harper shambled out and attacked Ambrose, and was joined by J&J Security, making it four-on-one. Roman Reigns came out to make the save, and they cleaned house together. Hmm, I wonder where this will lead?
The announcers told us that The Ryback would take on Rusev tonight. Because.
Hey, it’s Dolph Ziggler! he came down to the ring for a match and they cut to a commercial break. STOP DOING THAT!
After the break, they announced tonight’s main event would be Dean Ambrose & Roman Reigns versus Seth Rollins & Luke Harper. Well I never did!
Ziggler was still stood in the ring and they cut to an inset promo. Ziggler and Neville talked stuff about Sheamus & Bad News Barrett. Then Neville came out, and then Sheamus & Barrett did, and we had ourselves a tag match.
It was a good match. Neville got good shine, and all four men looked decent, really. Neville picked up the pinfall for his team with the Red Arrow on Barrett after Ziggler had Zig-Zagged him. This should have been on the PPV, really, instead of the – sigh – “Kiss me Arse” match.
They re-showed HHH’s Tough Enough announcement from Raw, and then showed some of the applicants who had so far sent in videos. Erm, you know when they say that WWE has trouble attracting top advertisers because of their audience. Great example right here.
Bray Wyatt cut a talky on what I took be some kind of butterfly. Fuck knows what he’s talking about.
Christ, it’s the women. It’s Natalya – who really is too sweet to play heel, if that’s even what she is anymore, I don’t know – versus Naomi, who really is too vanilla to play anything. Naomi won with her bum after a short, bad match. Naomi kicked Natalya after the match, because she’s bad. As well as bad.
The prime Time Players did more “comedy stylings”. This was shit. No other word for it, just shit. Ebola is funnier than those two, and ebola is a disease which makes you bleed from every orifice. Think about that.
Hey, it’s Rusev! And Lana! Lana cut a talky on John Cena, and they showed photos of him being abused with Rusev’s big, hard chain. Lana said Cena was America’s last hope, and that he would be destroyed at the PPV.
Rusev said that, for Cena, the chain was a handicap, but for him it was a weapon. He obviously doesn’t remember that huge padlock Cena used to carry around…
The Ryback came out and he & Rusev had a match. Rusev versus The Ryback should be a HOSS match, full of clubbing and beating and henching and suplexes but it’s just a regular WWE-style match, only with more squeezing. This is one of the biggest casualties of everyone working the same style – I lament the loss of the HOSS match.
Oh, and The Ryback won by DQ when Rusev nailed him with the chain. Afterwards, he abused The Ryback with a chain-assisted Accolade, and the Russian flag dropped. Cena had the night off, not that he ever saves anyone.
Rollins and his goons were in a dark part of the arena looking for Luke Harper. They found him, almost catatonic, but not before Jamie Noble basically said that he and Harper were related. Redneck incest! Ha!
Harper ignored everything they were trying to say, even when Joey Mercury used sign language because he can’t talk now for reasons. Harper snapped out of his “trance” and said they’d broken his concentration as he was imagining what he’d do to Ambrose & Reigns. He told Rollins not get in his way. Dumb segment.
The New Day came out and cut their usual talky. Their promo went longer than the match it built to, which was Kofi Kingston versus Cesaro. Tyson Kidd & Natalya were out with Cesaro, to hype their pre-show encounter with The New Day on Sunday. Kofi won the match in ninety seconds. A waste of all our times.
They showed comments from the WWE App made by The Big Show about Roman Reigns. He said he’d expose reigns at Extreme Rules, and that Reigns had been given too many opportunities. Belee dat.
Hey, it’s our main event! It’s Dean Ambrose & Roman Reigns versus Seth Rollins & Luke Harper! After they’d all come out, Kane came down to ringside, where he sat, observing, like some kind of… gatekeeper.
So they had a long match and it was an okay match. All the usual spots, you know? The finish came when Ambrose had dived out onto the heels and Kane picked up Rollins and through him back into the ring. Reigns speared Rollins for the win. Yes, the main eventer at the PPV was pinned by the man he’s not fighting on the go-home show. Shrug
The babyfaces celebrated in the ring as the show went off the air and Kane looked satisfied with his night’s work. I’m going to be so angry.
This was an Okay Show. It had some good stuff and some bad stuff, but most of it was just okay. I can’t say I’m HYPED for Extreme Rules but it’s a thing that will happen and I will watch it. They’ve got me, haven’t they?