Welcome to the most must-see Vulture Hound weekly review in history; welcome to… The Raw Review
For the second week running it seems that Raw is leading by example and putting their best foot forward as we saw Enzo and Cass open the show against the two biggest heels in the company, “Jon Bon Jericho” and Kevin Owens. To some people it may not seem like the best combination for a tag team but when you look at both mens previous tag careers you really should start to get excited about JerichOwens. Whether they come out as the winners in the end or not they’ll certainly boost their own egos and Enzo and Cass’ reputation in the process. It’s a smart move for a short term feud that should culminate at SummerSlam. Once that’s over with they have to give Owens another shot at the WWE Universal Studios Championship. I think that’s what they’re calling it now.
Braun Strowman defeated another jobber with a reverse chokeslam. Jorel Nelson RIP. I can’t see any major developments with Strowman until SummerSlam. If he aligns with The Club I may just cry into my John Cena “never give up” mini towel. I don’t really have one of those. Could you imagine? Some people actually own those. Come to think of it I don’t think a mini towel is even a thing. So they essentially own a washcloth to wipe away their marky tears.
Speaking of marky tears, my eyes get full of them whenever Darren Young and Bob Backlund embrace each other. It’s cute but cute in a weird way. Cute like Roman Reigns thinking people actually like him. It just makes you smile. In a reversal of last weeks outcome Young rolled up Titus and got the pin by holding onto O’Neils shorts which I’m sure cost *internal groan* millions of dollars. *sighs*. Backlund didn’t see his protege use cheat tactics to win but I’m sure when he finds out the proverbial will hit the fan.
In what has become more pointless than your mum wearing a wonderbra there was a rematch from last week between Sheamus and Cesaro. In quite comedic fashion the referee got caught in between a melee between the two and feebly couldn’t count Sheamus’ pin. Cesaro capitalised on Sheamus arguing with the referee and rolled him up for the 3 count. In fairness it was a pretty good match but I can’t really see this going anywhere.
The little Geordie sensation that is Neville announced that his partner to face the The Dudley Boyz would be none other than the averagely sized Mexican, Sin Cara. Bub and Devon Dud did a good job of putting these two over as Neville hit the Red Arrow to give his team the win. The Cruiserweight division must be quaking in their size 5 boots.
Dana Brooke rightfully lost to Sasha to confirm that it will be a 1 on 1 against Charlotte at SummerSlam with no interference from Dana. Unless Ric Flairs melting face distracts Sasha then I can’t see it going any other way than a win for the Boss at SummerSlam.
The Club went one step further to becoming WWE Tag Team Champions by putting Big E out indefinitely with a groin injury last week. Seriously, they couldn’t be any more ironic with that injury after last weeks phallic references. They even cut a little promo beforehand to discuss the dangers of “ringpostitis”. If you didn’t think so already then stuff like that should make you realise why Gallows and Anderson would be the perfect couple to overthrow the New Day as Tag Team Champions. They even showed how dominant they are in singles competitions when Gallows got the pin fairly quickly over Kofi. After the match they tried to also give the (not actually) Jamaican Sensations ringpostitis but little Xavier Woods scared off the two bigger men with a chair. Isn’t wrestling silly?
Earlier on in the show, Roman Reigns interrupted Rusev and Lana’s Raw Wedding (sounds like a film I’d like to see). Lana ended up covered in cream and this angered Rusev. General Manager, Mick Foley, responded by allowing Roman Reigns – baring in mind he’s just lost a title shot – a shot at the United States Championship at SummerSlam. The Swiss Superman wasn’t happy with this and demanded Foley to give him a title shot. Granted, he deserves it more than Reigns, and so got a match against Rusev for the title that night on Raw. Another great match for Cesaro saw him ultimately lose when Sheamus ran wild and caused his former League of Nations brother, Rusev, to pick up the win. Despite this WWE couldn’t let us go away without shoving their biggest product down our throats when right at the end Reigns speared Rusev. If Rusev doesn’t lock in the Accolade on Reigns and win at SummerSlam then surely it’ll be Roman Reigns vs Connor McGregor at WrestleMania. Makes more sense than Reigns winning a title after being banned for allegedly using a banned substance anyhow.