Welcome to the most must-see Vulture Hound weekly review in history; welcome to… The Raw Review

Following on from a mixed bag of various dog turds that was Clash of Champions, Monday Night Raw looked to set things straight for disappointed viewers. Yet, here we were for a second night with the bag of various dog turd beginning to fill up. What I’m trying to say is – Raw is very difficult to write about every week when it’s the same stuff happening over and over. The only fresh new element in the assortment of deification was a bit of polish in the form of the Cruiserweight Division but I know in my head that wont continue to excite me for long. So here I am for another week bringing you whatever ramblings come to mind from last nights Raw.

The show got underway when big Samoan, Roman Reigns, entered the arena to the usual chorus of boos. In a rematch from the previous night the United States Title was on the line but this time Roman Reigns was defending against the previous title holder, my true American hero, Rusev. Annoyingly, Reigns retained the title after both men were counted out, making the whole match pointless as the men continued to brawl well after the match was called. I think Reigns is actually a good wrestler – he has to be if he’s being given titles. Still, if you continue to make the mans character look like a smug-arrogant heel and refuse to make him a bad guy after many months it begins to get boring and that’s when fans reject the whole idea of him being a champion altogether. Freshen him up, make him evil, give us a new theme song that doesn’t represent a stable that is no longer a thing, and we just might start to cheer for the guy.

Everything about this image suggests that he should be a heel
Everything about this image suggests that he should be a heel

Hardcore General Manager, Mick Foley, which makes him sound like a porn producer more so than a WWE man of power, called out the fuzzy faced Sheamus and Mr Unbreakable Cesaro to reveal he wanted both men to get a title shot after their best of seven series ended in a no contest. Much to my surprise, crazy man Mick, put the two together to compete as a tag team. I know he’s done some crazy things in his time like being thrown off a steel cell on to an announce table thus breaking his jaw and dislocating his shoulder amongst many other injuries BUT this is by far the craziest moment of his career. Later on in the show the Celtic and Swiss combination of Sheasaro (yes, I’m calling them that) defeated the unknown duo of Cutler and Williams which to me sounds more like a chain of pubs or a brand of cigarettes. With some friction between the two, that included Sheamus interrupting Cesaro’s onslaught to give their opponents Brogue Kicks, they managed to claim their first victory as a newly formed tag team. Fresh and exciting I hear you say? Well, remember Team Hell No? There’s plenty of forced tag teams that go on to be successful so there’s hope for Sheasaro yet!

Faugh A Gala - If you're a fan of Celtic culture and Swiss cheese then that joke is for you.
Faugh A Gala – If you’re a fan of Celtic culture and Swiss cheese then that joke is for you.

Did I mention things are getting repetitive earlier? The New Day once again defended their Raw Tag Team Titles at the expense of Gallows and Anderson. The flamboyant trio retained after Kofi hit the unsuspecting Anderson with the Trouble in Paradise. After Gallows and Anderson beat the New Day a few times without Big E the trio are quite possibly going to keep the titles for much longer. Probably long enough so that they can actually be called the record setting longest reigning tag team champs. Did I mention things are getting repetitive?..

Another unknown jobber made their only appearance. Anna Fields was completed dominated Bayley who finished her off with a Bayley-to-Belly – just like what I do to your mum. Strangely Bayley has been relegated to beating jobbers while Sasha didn’t compete but still gets to challenge for the Raw Women’s title. Well, she is the Legit Boss after all so you can’t argue with that.

The face of someone who knows they're only there to job out to someone who is already over as funk (yes, Terry Funk)

The first bit of Cruiserweight action of the night saw Cedric Alexander and Rich Swann beat Lince Dorado and Drew Gulak in a tag team match. A Rich-Kick was enough to allow Swann to bridge a pin and pick up the victory for the duo. Technically one of the best matches of the night a side from the following Cruiserweight match…

Cruiserweight Champion, Tiny Jim Perkins, defeated one of the relatively larger men in the Cruiserweight division and miniature Braun Strowman, Tony Nese. One again the dab master won a match with the kneebar and continued to make the Cruiserweight division look like the best part of Monday Night Raw.

The face of someone who knows they're killing it right now
The face of someone who knows they’re killing it right now

The nights main event followed immediately after The Highlight Reel where Jericho introduced his best friend in the Universe, the Raw Heavyweight Galaxy champion, Kevin Owens. The pair wasn’t alone for long whereby they got rudely interrupted by an apparently “injured” Seth Rollins. Advocate of fighting on with injuries, Mick Foley, managed to stop Sethanie from making it to the ring. This probably saves Foley’s withered back a little after being on the end of a harsh telling off from Raw Commissioner Steph McMahon earlier on in the show where she wasn’t too please by Foley seemingly looking out for Rollins by giving him constant opportunities. Give the guy a break, he’s been through a lot of tables and thumb tacks in his time. Y2KO (I still prefer to call them that) were then once again interrupted by annoying slogan maker, Enzo Amore, and his partner in rhyme, Big Cass. The Jersey boys were out to announce their nights main event against the two Canadians. Not surprisingly Owens managed to claim the victory for the formidable heel duo after hit smashed through Enzo with a Powerbomb.

The new Two Man Power Trip? I hope so!
The new Two Man Power Trip? I hope so!

Come back next week for more of the same I assume.

By Bradley Tiernan

"Wrestling is better than the things you like" - John Oliver