Welcome to Impact Testing, after a few weeks off we’re are back. No one died, don’t worry; so let’s get this started, shall we?
Everyone wants to be Champion
The show opens up with the TNA World Champion Eddie Edwards cutting a promo on how he’s an underdog until Eli Drake interrupts and all I can see and hear are his untied hobo boots and the word Dummy. EC3 comes out and congratulates Eli for having the guts to cash in his Bound for Gold opportunity and then calls himself “Zero Dark EC Thirty” which is just absurd even to think of but then we’re blessed with a miracle, no pun intended. Mike Bennet and Maria enter the ring; he thinks he should be the next champion, everyone disagrees with everyone, so a fight breaks out, this is wrestling after all. Moose cleared the ring in the tightest shirt I’ve ever seen.
Somehow out of all this, once back from commercial Bennet and Moose are having a match, Bennet isn’t fairing very well, so Maria drags Bennet out of harm’s way and gets ejected by Earl Hebner. Reluctant, Maria does what she’s told. I don’t know what it is about this show but why are there so many shitty boots? First Eli Drake and now Moose and his odd snakeskin style Air Jordans? The match ends in a count out when Moose wastes to much time on the outside, make your babyface look strong right? None the less its Moose, a green as grass wrestler who’s faults are displayed in plain sight since joining TNA.
The Hardy Saga Continues
Since our last visit to the Impact Zone we’ve had the debut of the DCC and now after falling off a forklift, now Matt has amnesia. This brings us to the Hardy Compound where Matt is building a dining room in a Christmas sweater, Matt doesn’t remember his own brother and has no idea that he has been a wrestler for the last twenty years. In fact, Matt calls Reby Debbie and Brother Nero Brother Hero. The two are riding Jeffs dirt bike throughout al the sights and landscapes of the Hardy Compound bringing us to Skarsgard and steps into the lake of rejuvenation, but Matt is having none of it, in fact, he says that fighting is barbaric and Jeff should see a counselor. Another twist and turn in the Hardy Saga!
The Sheild join TNA
Well, not the Shield, but the Tribunal now dress like members of the Shield. They bring out the man behind their greatness Al Snow and break up with him inside the ring. Mahabali Shera enters the ring to attack the Tribunal but falls to the numbers. Thankfully this was short but not short enough.
Abyss vs. Ethan Carter III
I don’t have much to say about this matchup; it was slow and tedious. Starts with Abyss slowly trying to take EC3 apart but just can’t hit that final blow to but him away. Out of frustration, Abyss gets a chair from the outside; ref runs away. EC3 ducked the chair shot and tapped Abyss out with a grounded sleeper. This was a nothing match, but they did say that Abyss is one-half of Decay, but there a three members, right?
Reintroducing Rosemary into the Knockouts Division
Jeremy Borash is out here to talk up Gail Kim before interviewing Gail Kim, she asked for Jade to come out and starts to weep, calling her the future of womens wrestling. Kim is about to drop a bombshell of sorts when Decay arrive. Rosemary spits the mist in the eyes of Gail Kim and hits an F5 on Jade and applies a Dragon Sleeper on Kim while Abyss forces Barash out of the ring and Crazzy Steve holds Jade down. Rosemary then goes coast to coast dropkicking Jade in the corner. This carried levity and left you wanting more, what every good wrestling segment should do. Thankfully the Decay are continuing their momentum from The Great War.
Trevor Lee vs. Rockstar Spud vs. DJZ
Now I’m not gonna lie; I have no idea where this match connects to the match between EC3 and Abyss but the announcers seem to know, the only problem is that I don’t trust Matthews and Pope one bit. This was a fun match, great strength shown by Trevor Lee and athleticism by DJZ where Rockstar Spud brought the heat. DJZ attempts a ZDT but misses eats a low blow by Spud who then eats a high knee and a fisherman’s buster for the win.
Lashley vs. Grado and Robbie E
Backstage Grado and Robbie E are told that they will be in action tonight in a handicapped match; both are ecstatic until they’re told it’s Bobby Lashley. Grado is great, by just saying “We can try” he had me in stitches. If they win, they join the #1 contenders match. I finally get why all these matches are connected. Was it me or this show?
Lashley no sells everything, despite the fact that they’re best efforts in double teaming Lashley ends up the isolation of Grado, killing him with a Dominator and spearing Robbie E for the win. So as of this match, we have EC3, Trevor Lee and Bobby Lashley in the #1 Contenders match.
Brani Rhodes tries to recruit Allie to join her in her battle against Sienna, LVN, and Maria but reluctantly declines.
Rex arrives at the building earlier since Mr. Godderz wants to talk. Since Rex has turned heel, everything makes sense from his demeanor to the look of unwanted on his face since his debut. He got me. Godderz takes off his muscle shirt and guess what? No, it’s not his abs; Jesse was wearing his shirt inside out. Hmm. The two brawl through production until Rex jumps into a car and bails.
TNA World Championship
Eddie Edwards vs. Eli Drake
One thing TNA is doing well is the introduction of fresh faces into the main event picture; Eli Drake may not be the best wrestler, but his mic skills are top notch as I’ve stated earlier; would I put the title on Drake right now? No, but I can easily see him getting a run with the gold sometime shortly. Both men showed real fire, making the match feel like it was important. As the story goes Eli Drake could not put Edwards away, in a last stitch effort Drake goes up top missing Edwards. Edwards would not miss the Boston Knee Party and get the win.
Unmasking the DCC
Following the World Title match, the DCC show up in the ring to decimate Eddie Edwards. The first man to unmask was Eddie Kingston then Bram and James Storm.
Overall this week’s episode of Impact was a winner; let’s go through some pros and cons.
Matt’s Christmas sweater, the World Championship match, DCC reveal, and Trevor Lee vs. DJZ and Spud
Eli Drakes untied boots, Moos and his snakeskin Jordans and Jesses inside out shirt. Oh my Godderz.