Welcome to the most must-see Vulture Hound weekly review in history; welcome to… The Raw Review

The go-home Raw before Survivor Series this Sunday once again saw a lot of tag team action. Heel and Faces teamed up to create the illusion of Raw superstars being able to put their differences aside to face a common enemy. You know, kinda like how me and your Dad hate your Mum?.. There was also a face-to-face meeting between Brock Lesnar and Goldberg before they go one on one in Toronto. Here’s what happened:

Opening the show was Raw GM and part time caveman, Mick Foley. At his side was the effervescent, Stephanie McMahon. They introduced all of the participants for the Raw side of Survivor Series on the stage and gave their Raw squad a team talk that would make Sir Alex Ferguson rename his famous “hairdryer” to the “blowing on your chips to make them cool enough to eat”. Following this doltish speech from the managerial figures they announced a couple of matches to wet the whistle. These sports references doing anything for you?

The first mismatch pairing of the night had Kevin Owens and Roman Reigns team up to face Sheamus and Cesaro. Owens was constantly showing up Reigns to the point where an argument between the two resulted in Owens getting hit by a Brogue Kick. Taking his chance, Reigns hit Sheamus with the spear which was to be expected but instead of going for the pin himself he pulled Owens onto Sheamus for the pin. Good guy Roman is here to stay and he doesn’t hear your boo’s.

After a long night of wrestling it's just nice to cuddle up
After a long night of wrestling it’s just nice to cuddle up

A squash match between lower card talent had Sami Zayn defeat Bo Dallas with a Helluva Kick. Yet, this wasn’t the best thing about the match. It was notable that Bojamin Dallas has been growing a beard of late. Considering he’s been using a finisher similar to that of his biological brother, Bray Wyatt, are the WWE smarter than we think? Of course they’re not. Dallas will always be a jobber to the stars.

In more tag team action Chris Jericho got his team mates Braun Strowman and Seth Rollins scarves in an attempt to temporarily make peace and join forces to take on The New Day. An ever-improving Strowman hit an imposing Running Powerslam on Xavier Woods to get the victory for his team. Unfortunately after the match, Jericho couldn’t help himself and got in Rollins’ face for the latter to land him with a Pedigree. Stupid idiot!

A strange move in the Cruiserweight Division saw Sin Cara put against THE Brian Kendrick which only served as an attempt to make Captain Kendrick look more ruthless. The cruiserweight champ made Sinful Cara tap out to the Captain’s Hook. Classic pirate behaviour from the Champ.

The two lumps of meat that are Goldberg and Brock Lesnar finally had their face-off. Yet, both men were separated by a line of security guards horizontally across the ring. Heyman, as usual, did all the talking and promised that his client will conquer Goldbill at Survivor Series. Billberg, out of anger for Heymans lack of respect, cleared the ring of security, dared Lesnar to fight, and left me wondering where do WWE keep getting these flimsy bouncers from? Lesnar didn’t fight back and cowered away until Survivor Series where the match will inevitably end in a “we want our money back” no contest.

Not enough security, I think
Not enough security, I think

The Boss of losing the Raw Women’s title, Sasha Banks, teamed up with Charlotte to take on Alicia Fox and Nia Jax. Bayley was sat in on commentary and did her best to try not remind us that we’ve seen all of this before on NXT. Sasha eventually won the match by forcing Foxy Alicia to tap out to the Banks Statement. Bayley, like the peace keeper she is, went to the ring after the match and raised both women’s arms in victorious celebration.

The final match of the night was, yep you guessed it, more tag team action. Enzo and Cass were partnered with Gallows and Anderson as they beat the team of the Golden Truth and the Shining Jobbing Stars. It came as no surprise that the teams spent much of the match squabbling amongst each other. Ultimately Gallows pinned Primo after a hard-hitting Magic Killer for the win.

The managerial staff of both Raw and SmackDown Live met in the ring to discuss their respective brands chances of being the overall winner at Survivor Series. Steph, Mick, Shane O’Mac and the Yesman himself, Daniel Bryan swapped jibes and delivered well timed trash talk. The Rawitarians brought out their men’s Survivor Series team who surrounded Shane and Daniel. In response, the Smackdown gaffers called out their own men’s team who came to the ring and faced off with the Raw team. The men opposite each other trading insults. Styles claimed Owens was feeding off Jericho’s “sugartit”. Offended by this, Jericho added Styles to his list, as well as James Ellsworth whereby Jericho was confused as to what he even was. The best moment was when Bray Wyatt acknowledged his former disciple Braun Strowman and outed him as a traitor.

SmackDown vs Raw... Someone should turn that in to a video game
SmackDown vs Raw… Someone should turn that in to a video game

This bickering continued until Dean Ambrose (the most unhinged one, obviously) finally started the man-handling by smashing the microphone off Chris Jericho’s head. The Red and Blue brands brawled all over the place up to the point Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns ended up being the last men standing tall. By trying to regain some support for Reigns they sent everyone into a Shield nostalgic frenzy by dropping AJ Styles with a two-man Powerbomb onto the rest of Smackdown team outside the ring.

A better team than the Mighty Ducks
A better team than the Mighty Ducks

For the second week in a row Rollins and Reigns have ignited the Shield sentiments and looked the two most powerful assets on the Raw team. Much like myself with the Raw Review, I am (and always will be) VultureHounds MVP. No, not Montel Vontavious Porter, I mean the most valuable player. So if I do end up reviewing SmackDown Live as a result of the Survivor Series outcome you can put your money on me doing a better job than the current SmackDown Live Recap proprietor, Elliot Dyson.

By Bradley Tiernan

"Wrestling is better than the things you like" - John Oliver

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