Much like any holiday episodes of WWE this Thanksgiving episode of TNA Impact is no different. So, without further ado, allow me to introduce to you this week’s Impact Testing.

Impact opens up with the only Hardy that has a memory; Jeff gives thanks for all the fans, it is Thanksgiving after all. Jeff wants to snap Matt out of this funk he’s in and jog his memory and calls out the DCC which announce that tonight Jeff will be involved in a no DQ match. The DCC then out number Brother Nero who manages to escape to fight later this evening.

While back at the Hardy compound, Matt acknowledges that it’s a fine fall day and that it ‘s nice to see Senior Benjamin dipping into some fine literature (a nudie mag) and Vanguard 1 is drinking some refreshing lemonade. But wait, just wait until we experience the first annual Hardy Thanksgiving Ice Cream Social!

Team X-Gold
Everett, Rockett and Trevor Lee vs. Rockstar Spud & Decay vs. Mandrews, Sutter & DJZ

So in a nutshell whatever team picks up the victory, every member gets an X-Division title shot. Just imagine Abyss is a former X-Division champion and could be champ again, luckily he’s the first man eliminated for using a chair on Mandrews who immediately taps out to Crazzy Steve.

Fast forward through a slick sell job for the ZDT by Mandrews to the end where it’s just Rockett against Sutter and DJZ where the numbers game immediately prevails as Sutter picks up the victory giving himself and Mandrews a title shot against their partner DJZ.

Regina George is at it Again

Backstage, the mean girls, bring down Allie once again for her Thanksgiving diagram and her crush on Sutter. I’m sure there’s more garbage to come.

Don’t Forget the Eggs

Matt is making his tangerine sorbet as the ref from the final deletion shows up not for the ice cream social but to deliver some Member Berries.

A Thanksgiving Feast

Maria, Miricle, and LVN are in the ring and the call out Allie who comes out to turkey calls and a pilgrim outfit; this gets more and more like Mean Girls every week I swear. To make matters worse, LVN invited Allie’s crush, Braxton Sutter for dinner as well and they all give thanks and suck each other off… metaphorically speaking of course.

Allie finally snaps as LVN bestows her loose ways upon Sutter and throws a pie in Maria’s face. Need I say more?

Member Matt?

The referee is showing Matt footage from last year when Matt won the TNA Heavyweight title but to no prevail; we do get a glimpse of Reby looking like a ten, that’s a plus.

Voice vs. Title Shot
Ethan Carter III vs. Eli Drake

So in a nutshell, if Drake loses he can’t talk for a year and if EC3 loses Drake gets his title shot. The match does a decent job at showing the importance of the stipulation as we see both men brawl outside and do whatever they can to get the upper hand. It’s even hinted that if Eli loses he could be better off when he takes time out of the match to grab a microphone and pander to the crowd where EC3 cuts him off and gets the upper hand. None the less, EC3 picks up the victory via rear naked choke, he keeps his title and Eli Drake can’t talk for the rest of the year.

Back on the Ranch…

Dr. Maxamillion is brought in to hypnotize Matt, and it’s a Thanksgiving miracle, Charlie Brown! Broken Matt returns for a split second but once he snaps out its back to the gelato.

The Tribunal vs. Mahabali Shera & Al Snow?

I don’t know about you, but once again I refuse to watch this segment, Al Snow teaming up with the shitty dancing wrestler? Insert No Way Jose and I might entertain the idea.

Meanwhile Backstage…

Grado and Robbie E once again are given an opportunity to be on TV, but this week whoever loses between the two have to wear a turkey suit. It’s like an episode of Big Brother, where’s Jesse Godderz?!

Grado vs. Robbie E

To start this match, Matthews said that this contest has main event implications; once again making a fool of himself, this time during a match where the competitors are trying to make fools of each other. Good one Matthews. After Grado exposing the bottom of Robbie E, Grado finds himself the loser and has to wear the turkey suit and does so only as Grado can.

The Main Event
Jeff Hardy vs. Bram (No DQ)

We have all seen this match before; the babyface is alone to face the insurmountable odds. Every time Jeff would get the upper hand James Storm would do something to change the tides. Unfortunately, Brother Nero could not prevail, and Bram picks up the victory.

The Return

Back at the compound, Matt is losing his mind, he doesn’t want to be known as a madman, he wants to be referred to as the guy who makes tasty, delicious treats. He then asks the seven deities for a sign, and all of a sudden is electrified and on the ground. Matt is Broken once again!

Pros: Matt regaining his broken brilliance.

Cons: The rest of the show.

2/5