It’s lunch time right now and I can’t be bothered to write one of my excellent intros. I’m Elliot and WHATEVER.

This week’s Raw centred around The New Day breaking Demolition’s record tag title reign, which is why the closing shot of the show was Roman holding the US and Universal titles aloft.
The show began with The New Day defending their titles in a Triple Threat match against Gallows & Anderson and Sheamus & Cesaro. As with any match that features Cesaro, there was a bunch of pretty great Cesaro stuff going on. The New Day managed to pick up a clean victory with Kofi landing a Trouble in Paradise and pinning Sheamus.
SMASH CUT TO a behind the scenes bellabration, starring a bunch of people we don’t know, Bayley and Stephanie McMahon. As often happens in the WWE, something ruddy went awry! Steph got showered in champers and got right angry, like she’s not used to golden showers or something.
A bunch of other stuff happened and before we knew it, it was time for The Rollins Report, which if you’ll recall, is a talk show segment hosted by Seth Rollins, because, apparently, everyone needs a talk show. Kevin Owens made a guest appearance to announce that, due to their insolence, The New Day would be defending their tag titles once more that night, putting their record-breaking eve in jeopardy. Oh, and just so we knew that The New Day would definitely be walking away victorious, Mick Foley put Reigns and Rollins in the match too, making it the second tag title Triple Threat match of the night, but mostly a hype match for Roadblock: Block My Kiss.

YOU’LL NEVER BELIEVE HOW SKIPPABLE ALL THIS SHIT WAS:
– Brian Kendrick cleanly defeated TJ Perkins with a Sliced Bread Number 2, giving the man with the plan the momentum heading into Sunday’s Triple Threat title match.
– Bayley beat Alicia Fox in a match that I’m sure I wrote about last week.
– Rusev Vs. Big Cass was announced for Roadblock: Block, Block, Block, Block To The Top.
– Braun Strowman dispatched of Curtis Axel.
– Sami Zayn was adamant that he wanted to fight Strowman, still. Foley eventually set that match up after some time-wasting.
– Foley claimed to have set up a trade with SD, swapping Zayn for a talent of equal value. Mick declared that talent was Eva Marie, who Zayn claimed to worth a thousand of. Ooooh, sick burn at the expense of one of your more popular crossover stars, WWE.
– Big E referred to himself as the “thick, meaty 3rd-leg” of The New Day.
– Ariya Daivari fought Lince Dorade, though Jack Gallagher appeared and, like a gentleman, announced his intention of interfering with the match (his words). He went on to call Daivari a “scoundrel” and promised to deliver him quite a “thrashing”, because, you know, old-timey British speak is HILARIOUS.

Following Kofi’s involvement in the first match of the night, The New Day’s line up for the main event was one of Big E and Xavier Woods, which could have spelled trouble for the team, considering Woods is most often the fall guy. In recent weeks, however, Woods has become the team member who will do anything to win, namely, by embracing some of their former heelish tendencies.
It’s worth watching this match if you have the time and don’t mind having the ending spoiled for you. The closing sequence of the match saw Y2KO execute their best Pop-Up Codebreaker to date on poor Xavier Woods, though when Jericho went for the pin and Owens ran interference, Seth Rollins overpowered the Universal Champion and broke things up – “things” being the pin and JeriKO’s relationship. Y2J took his anger out on Owens, giving Rollins the chance to land a Pedigree on the GOAT. Big E pulled Rollins out of the ring, leaving Woods to muster up his last bit of strength in order to cover Jericho to retain the tag titles once more.
Was there really any doubting that The New Day would win and break Demolition’s record? Why would the time be taken to let any team amass such a reign just to have them lose the belts at crunch time? With that in mind, the whole episode of Raw felt very inevitable and somewhat uninteresting. And if the fear of that inevitability wasn’t enough, the commentary team took plenty of time out of their schedule to remind us that Roman Reigns could walk into Raw next week as both the US and Universal Champion.