Welcome to the most must-see Vulture Hound weekly review in history; welcome to… The SmackDown Review
According to Google an introduction is “a thing preliminary to something else, especially an explanatory section at the beginning of a book, report, or speech”. With that being mentioned, writing an introduction doesn’t always come naturally which is why, on this weeks SmackDown Review, I have included a definition of what an introduction is. In short, some interesting stuff happened on SmackDown last night that needs no introduction but I’m obliged to give one.
The hottest couple since me and your Mum – Miz and Maryse – opened the show targeting Renee Young after the latter slapped Mike the Miz for making comments about her personal life a few weeks prior. Like we didn’t know her and Dean Ambrose was a thing? Miz called out Renee demanding an apology but instead Ambrose came to defend the honour of his maiden to which Miz fled the scene faster than you can say “Ambrose sucks”. As Maryse was left in the ring directly in the path of Ambrose she made sure to smack the Lunatic Fringe right across the chops before heading up the ramp to re-join her A List husband.
The first SmackDown match of 2017 witnessed Baron Corbin defeat Dolph Ziggler. Again. Tiresome booking decisions aside this one actually made for great viewing. After kicking out of multiple Famousers and a final ZigZag Corbin was able to catch Ziggles with the End of Days and claim the victory. Following the win Tiny Luchadore, Kalisto, came to help Ziggler for some reason but was greeted by a superkick to the face from Ziggler. An apparent heel turn for Ziggler which has been a long time coming considering his character has gone more stale than those socks under your bed. Later on in the night it was confirmed that John Cena’s first match of 2017 will be against Corbin. Which means after all these months of building up Baron Corbin’s finisher as an unbeatable move it will all come crashing to a halt when Cena kicks out of it at the call of one.
A relatively short match had Becky Lynch defeat La Luchadora. But wait? I thought Becky was the mystery Mexican. Wrong. This time it turned out to be Alexa Bliss, made obvious with her failed attempt of Twisted Bliss, but then another Luchadora appeared after the match to help Bliss put the beatdown on Becky Lynch. Part of me is interested to find out who this mystery woman is but in my head I know that it’s almost certainly Mickie James. Yet some other smarks than myself believe it to be an NXT star. Who knows? TUNE IN TO TOTAL DIVAS TO FIND OUT!
A war of words between Cena and Styles at their Royal Rumble match contract signing added fuel to the already brightly burning fire between these two. After Styles berated Cena for walking out and coming back for title shots seemingly willy-nilly the Champ, who isn’t actually the Champ, responded in the best way possible. Cena, passionately enraged, declared Styles to be “no different than anyone who has ever chanted: Cena Sucks or Has Been. On their best day, they could never be me.” The 15x Champ is appearing to be closer to the end of his very long tether with Styles and my hope is that when this feud is over with we are left with a broken John Cena who has no other choice but to give us the heel turn we all crave. Baron Corbin then came to the ring and announced he will be entering the Royal Rumble. A small confrontation with Cena was interrupted when Styles hit Cena with a kick to the back of his head.
The night’s main event was an Intercontinental Championship Match between Dean Ambrose and The Miz. After some back and forth (including that awful rebound clothesline) between the pair Maryse took it upon herself to try give the Champion an extra advantage. Instead she was ejected from the ring and Miz hit Ambrose with the Skull Crushing Finale. 1… 2… F**K SAKE. Ambrose kicked out, got up and eventually hit Miz with a Dirty Deeds to become the new Intercontinental Champion. I’m sure Renee Young will be helping him celebrate in style. Oh wait, we’re not supposed to talk about that are we?
Less Interesting Stuff
With plucky James Ellsworth at her side, Carmella defeated Aliyah, you know, from NXT? It’s a shame that this NXT talent was only there to job to Ellsworth material but I have to give it to WWE on this one, I actually want to know what is the driving force between Carmellsworth’s alliance. Tune in to Total Divas, only on E, to find out! That’s the network it’s aired on by the way. Although ecstasy might help.
American Alpha ensured 2017 will continue where 2016 left off: Picking up Triple H’s giant shovel and burying Breezango so far down the pecking order that even The Hype Bros look more likely to become tag team champions… and remember Zack Ryder is injured for the foreseeable future!
Natalya and Nikki Bella are still squabbling like a pair of school girls over which of the Hanson brothers looks more like a girl. Natalya said the same old stuff about Nikki and Cena to which Bella fired back a zinger, saying Nattie only gets by off her Hart name. Swish! My 90s pop-culture references are fine, right? .
Come back next week where SmackDown will once again prove to be the strongest WWE product since the XFL.