Anthem has bought Impact, booted Dixie out of the big chair and tried their best at remaking Rush’s “Fly by Night” album cover for pro wrestling use. Despite all that, they seem to take another step backward. The app in the UK crashed and the Fight Network (owned by Anthem) played the week priors episode of Impact instead of the one were about to discuss. Not the greatest start but not all is lost, the show as a whole was decent, some moments quite entertaining. I just wish we had more consistent wrestling to fall back on.
We open with Matthews and Pope standing ringside, throw to the Hardy’s backstage as Jeff awakens from a fever dream hyping there match tonight against the Wolves.
EC3 comes out with a chair and sits next to the fans. He’s upset with Davey Richards, he’s “coming at Wolves Nation like Liam Neeson.” Insert dick joke here. Lashley comes out and the fans chant “shut your mouth,” and says they should have a last man standing match to see who gets to be inside the wolves, prison style. EC3 then asks the Anthem owl if he could. Hmm, now that I think of it, he looks like a muscular version of Luke from Modern Family so talking to the Anthem owl fits.
Lashley vs EC3
In all honesty, I feel as if we’ve seen this match a thousand times over. This time the two brawl outside, once back into the ring they spill right outside again where EC3 would get choked out; getting up before the ten count, not before adjusting his tights while “out cold.” Unfortunately, once back inside the ring the match gets starts to get sloppy but quickly reign it in, Lashley hits a series of spears on EC3, attempts one through a table but missed, allowing EC3 to spear Lashley through said table who then beats the count by rolling outside and onto his feet. This happened very recently but I can’t pinpoint where I’ve seen it.
The match ends when both are on the apron where EC3 has a sleeper locked in when the two go flying through the set of tables set up at the beginning of the match. The story is that Lashley had the broken tables to use as leverage to help him up at the count of nine with EC3 up moments later but not before the count of ten.
Eli Drake and Tyrus barge into the interview area clearing the scene and forcing a poor makeup guy to read a note, terrorist style. In a nut shell, Drake is upset and someone’s gotta pay so he takes liberty with the guy as Tyrus plays it cool. Overall a very good segment, Eli Drake is one reason to keep an eye on Impact, not in the ring; unless there’s a mic in his hands. Back in the ring, Rockstar Spud has dressed in a piece from his Elton John collection as he presents to us…
“The sultan of showmanship,
the prince of pageantry,
the alchemist of entertainment
and the soul reason god gifted you with eyesight”
Its Aron Rex, with a Liberace vibe. As Rockstar Spud sings his name, Rex flaunts around in make-up, rings, and a white fluffy robe. Why you ask? Because in the ring Rex hemorrhages money, his words not mine, even though I agree. Robbie E then saves us from the tan colored trunks of Aron Rex; if you haven’t seen it you need to keep your eyes far away from the sight, you can’t un-see that! Either way, shots are fired and the three start to brawl and the numbers game quickly takes its toll on Robbie E ending with all those expensive rings into the mouth of Mr. E.
The DCC hype up their match against Decay tonight as well as anyone could, all three men can talk very well and it all works. How can you not like a team with the name of the “Death Crew Council?” But once again, a step back. It’s been moths and we are still doing this garbage mean girls routine and this will be all I will say about this.
Decay (Abyss/Crazzy Steve) vs The DCC (Bram/Eddie Kingston)
The first thing I noticed was Matthews proclaiming the 6’3” Bram was 6’7”, all you have to do is glance at Bram to know that was a blatant lie. The match itself was not nearly as bad as the comment but it does end prematurely as a no contest before anything could develop.
Mike Bennett vs Braxton Sutter
Nothing of any note happened in the contest, neither are technical wrestlers so is turned out to be just a brawl between average wrestlers, this would be completely fine if we had seen a good match in the one hour and fifteen minutes prior. Allie heads to ringside, causing a distraction and Sutter getting a quick victory. Meh.
Rosemary is in the ring speaking in her best Bray Wyatt when she’s interrupted by Jade who challenges her to a match for the Knockouts title, Rosemary agrees but to a Monster’s Ball match. Jade accepts and the to fight. Imagine all this but if one of the women couldn’t talk to save her life. Speaking of the Knockouts division; Brooke Tessmacher announced her return next week.
The Wolves vs The Broken Hardy’s
This is the first match for the returning Davey Richards in the six-sided ring, and frankly, you’d never tell. At one point, he had Jeff hooked in a pin, Matt comes to break it up but is hit with a northern lights suplex having both Matt and Jeff in a pinning predicament. Anyone remember when Matts finisher was the northern lights suplex in the original ‘Smackdown!’ game?
The Wolves are ready to put a pin into the Hardy’s reign as tag team champions when Matt hooks the ankle of Eddie, he responds by hitting a cross body onto Broken Matt, this annoys Davey to no end, yelling at Eddie when Jeff quickly rolls up Davey to pick up the victory. The two argue as we fade to black.
Overall the show wasn’t anything special, it’s still the same old TNA with an owl. Let’s hope that changes soon.