Better late than never I suppose; I thought to myself after the first watch of this week’s Impact that there is no way I could have anything good to say about it what so ever and if you turn around now it’s probably for the best because if I had my time back I wouldn’t have wasted any time on this pile of garbage. Let’s move to the review, shall we?
The DCC open the show with nonsense and chirping about how all three of them have been forgotten by TNA management when Eli Drake and Tyrus interrupt and call them out to a handicap match resulting in a brawl outside.
What in the actual hell is up with Impact and its obligatory brawling outside?
The DCC vs Eli Drake and Tyrus
An absolute nothing match; all five competitors slowly brawl around the ring making everyone watching to wonder where they went wrong in life. If the wrestling wasn’t sub-par enough, throw in the fact that both teams are playing heel and you got yourself a doozy. The one true highlight was James Storm doing the Brodus Clay dance. That’s it.
Storm hits the Last Call after Eli Drake walks out on his tag partner giving the DCC the win.
Backstage Braxton Sutter and Allie are surrounding a flat of water, I bring that up because that has the potential to be more entertaining than anything that could happen. We could have a chugging contest, water fight, or better yet a water spitting contest in tribute to good ol’ Trips. But no, Maria interrupts and mentions Braxton marring LVN. The two would get engaged later in the night but there no need to revisit that shit show.
Not to be outdone, Brandi Rhodes comes to the ring and grabs a mic and says she has a problem with Rosemary and challenges her to fight. This prompts Decay to come to the ring and Rosemary attacks Brandi while Moose of all people come to the aid of Brandi. Tune in next week when it’s revealed that Moose and Brandi are long lost siblings.
*** Next week we get Decay vs Moose and Mini Moose. Not my words, straight from Brandi’s mouth.
Aron Rex vs Robbie E
If this show didn’t come off tacky enough here comes Aron Rex, I really hope that the new creative team put an ax to this storyline and character as soon as humanly possible before I give up on wrestling altogether.
Either or, this match has everything you could fit in a shit eating heel match; a chase spot, obvious cheating in front of the ref and Impacts calling card, brawling outside. Got to love it. Aron Rex picks up the win due to a distraction from Rockstar Spud.
The Broken Hardy’s are in the ring with a golden stand in the middle of it covered in a black cloth; whatever could it be? Why is Vanguard 1 equipped with an all new update, yes it has teleportation options now! To begin the “Expedition of Gold” both Hardy’s put their hands of Vanguard 1 and they are teleported to Tijuana, Mexico.
On a side note, Jeff is still calling Matt Hardy “Brother Moore.” I’m confused, is he holding the book of DILLIGAF?
Up next is the match of the century, two competitors destined for greatest. It’s time to defend the Impact Grand Championship when Drew Galloway takes on Mahabali Shera.
Who am I kidding, I’m not going to waste my time in watching a Mahabali Shera match. I’d rather take advice from Bret Hart and “blow my brains out.” If you must know, Galloway pins Shera in the second round.
The Helms Dynasty come out to celebrate the winning of the X-Division Championship in the worst ladder match of all time on last week’s Impact. Helms brings up that the weak link of this Dynasty is Andrew Everett. Everett brings u a good point, that they’ve won title’s all over the world and maybe the problem is Sugar Shane. We’ll never know since Trevor Lee attacks Everett to no crowd reaction whatsoever.
No fear, it’s time to leave the abysmal Impact Zone and return to Tijuana Mexico where the Hardy’s are like Gods and on their way to capturing all the tag team gold in the world. Next week we visit Konnan and Crash Wrestling to take on Psicosis and Super Crazy. I seriously can’t wait.
TNA World Championship
Bobby Lashley vs Eddie Edwards
I honestly can’t believe that we are seeing this match again; now don’t get me wrong both guys are great competitors and some of the best that TNA has to offer but my god it’s as if I’ve watched this exact same episode for the last three weeks. Davey Richards does come to his partner’s aid when he takes to world title that Lashley was going to clobber Edwards with keeping this match a fair fight. This would turn out to be a moot point when Eddie hits the Boston Knee Party gets the pin but before three Davey pulls the ref out of the ring. Make it a double turn when Angelina Love turns on Eddie’s wife ringside. Lashley then hits a spear a retains the title.
Post-match Love and Edwards beat up the two and make out in the ring. Yummy.
I would advise you to stay clear away from this hot pile of garbage, it stinks and it’s full of disease. Avoid it like the plague.