What a week it’s been, the exodus of talents such as Jade, the Hardy’s, Mike and Maria Bennet and Drew Galloway have left Impact feeling a little gutted but with that comes a new direction for the company, a change that they so desperately need. But can you imagine, due to legal reasons, it is possible that this episode of Impact could very well be the very last appearance of “Broken” Matt Hardy on wrestling television. Let’s dive right in, shall we?
Last Knockouts Standing Match
Jade vs Rosemary
I don’t mean to take anything away from this match when it comes to a brawl it was good but I’ll never wrap my head around the psychology behind Jade’s game plan. A minute into the match, Jade hits a German suplex and lets the ref count; sure, the point of a “Last Man Standing” match is to have your opponent take more than ten seconds to get to their feet, but you have to at least beat them up, not the mention taking advantage of a weakened, damaged opponent. Don’t get me started on her powerbomb. But like a said, it was a good match with some nice spots and despite Jade’s flawed game plan at the start, she sold the mist like a champ but just couldn’t overcome a second mist to the face and a third Red Wedding; the latter taking place on the entrance ramp, resulting in Rosemary retaining the Knockouts title.
It’s bittersweet watching the Broken Hardy’s knowing that it is likely the last time we will get to see the Hardy’s and their “Broken Brilliance” on Impact, especially so soon after Jeff started talking in an accent. We are brought to the Hardy compound where Matt has gathered the entire Hardy family and tells Jeff that he has arranged a meeting with Vincent van Gogh, a little ironic considering everything that has gone down this week.
Moose then comes down to the ring, usually, this is where I would rag on Moose relentlessly; notice how I said “regularly?” Moose runs down Cody’s gimmick, dropping hints at Bullet Club, Dusty Rhodes, Stardust and most importantly, “Dashing” Cody Rhodes by telling him to put a brown paper bag over his head cause he’s an ugly bitch. Cody then jumps Moose from behind and the two brawl, dumping security left, right, and center. Honestly, I’m pretty sure Moose killed a guy with a powerbomb over the ropes and onto another security guard but mainly the metal railing. The “A Team” security unit are deployed and fair no better; named so because it involved Simon Diamond. It’s with this some wrestlers make their way to ringside, along with Brandi Rhodes who pleads for Cody to stop, he abides and then ruins all heat he had with the fans by attacking the butt of everyone’s jokes, Josh Matthews. Thank you, Cody. Moose breaks free of the lower midcarder’s holding him back and slingshot himself to the floor onto the pile of security guards holding Cody back. Thankfully, Cody was unharmed and this fantastic segment came to an end.
Jesse Godderz vs James Storm
Nothing lets you know that a match doesn’t matter more than when the announcer who just got thrown to the ground is talking about how he’s friends with his attacker and marveling in his abilities to do plugs so soon after taking a bump. It truly was a nothing match, relying on brawling and smoke and mirrors to get the job down; the match ends with Storm coming up victorious once the number’s game played The DCC come into play. TNA once again going to the well one too many times.
X Division Championship Match
Trevor Lee vs Andrew Everett
And within the first three minutes, Andrew Everett has brought the boring and monotonous X-Division back to a glimpse of what it once was. But once again the announcers are playing up something far, far away from what we are watching. Pope announces that the new owners will be on the show next week, this upsets Mathews to the point where there’s a good minute of silence. Is this leading to Matthews somehow getting fired or is this all an angle? Reason #583 to read Impact Testing week by week. Everett does go to the well on too many times when attempting a Shooting Star Press, Trevor Lee gets the feet up just in time and gets the pin fall.
Back at the Hardy Zoo, Jeff finds Vincent van Gogh who has inhabited the vessel of a mule which Jeff feeds trying to extract information and what a doozy it is. Vincent tells Jeff that he needs to acquire a pet shark and house him in his salt water pool. He then eats some oats and has a premonition that they will be outnumbered so Jeff gathers the troops and they teleport to a flea market outside of their next match up. While the Hardy’s find the promoter, Senior Benjamin asks the number one contenders for their autographs, tasing them until rendered unable to compete allowing the Hardy’s to attempt to add another piece of gold to their collection when they take on the MCW Tag Team Champions, The Ecktourage, whatever that is supposed to mean.
National Tag Team Championship
The Broken Hardy’s vs The Ecktourage
Once again, it’s a match in clip form, most notably the Appalachian Outlaws abduct Jeff and the three end up brawl backstage… well, the thrift store. In what could have been a direct violation of fire code, Jeff, and Senior Benjamin decide to set off their fireworks in the parking lot and not the flea store. Jeff makes his way back to the ring in time to save his brother and hit the Swanton Bomb to pick up the victory.
Back at the Impact Zone, another fallen former name of Impact Drew Galloway makes his last appearance for said company challenging Moose to come fight for the Grand Championship tonight. I wonder who’s going to win that one.
Drew Galloway vs Moose
After a recap of last week’s wedding, it’s time to treat ourselves one last time with the presence of Drew Galloway and once again it’s no mystery who will win this one. Round one follows in true TNA fashion with brawl spot after brawl spot then Galloway hits the Celtic Cross on the steps. It would have been even better if we didn’t already see a variation of that spot once already, either way, round one goes to Drew Galloway. During the next round, Moose shows some good baby face fire, running amuck on Galloway; following some back and forth apron spots Moose wins round two. In round three Moose tries to hit a buckle bomb on Galloway which results in Moose almost missing the turnbuckle all together and throwing Galloway completely over the top. While the rest of the round is at a frantic pace with both wrestlers getting some decent spots in, the finish is in the hands of the judges who via split decision give to win to Moose providing us a new Grand Champion. Watching this match, it’s a crying shame that there will be no more Drew Galloway on Impact television.
TNA Heavyweight Championship
Bobby Lashley vs Josh Barnett
I’m not gonna lie, I’ve been looking forward to this match for weeks; the main reason being the way they shot this match could be edited with either Josh Barnett or Bobby Lashley possibly coming out on top. The match starts with some good action and quick takedowns, yet I can’t take my eyes off the lady on her phone during the main event; f*** that chick. The match was fairly entertaining but the finish, by good the finish came out of nowhere but not in a good way; Lashley hits a spear, one of the only offensive moves he would hit the whole match and gets the win. Meh.
I gotta admit, Impact was better than every WWE show this week; segments like Cody and Moose brawling around the ring, the Hardy’s and the Last Woman Standing match really made this episode feel important even though next week should be a completely different Impact with some of the new additions which should be entertaining, to say the least.