There’s something comforting about familiarity. When we’re unhappy, the loving embrace of a well-worn DVD can do us the world of good. Sure, we know the story – we’ve seen it a thousand times – but that doesn’t nullify the positive effect it has on our psyche. That must be the feeling WWE are going for when the write the same episode of Raw every week.
I’m Elliot and I watch the red Monday night wrestling showgramme so you don’t have to.
Last night’s Raw got underway with the entrance of Bone Hugs & Harmony herself, Bayley (duh). I managed to secure the script for this portion of the show and though I won’t tell you exactly how, I will say that my good friend, Dave Meltzer, sent me it. Enjoy!
Riveting stuff. Bayley won the match by pinning Charlotte, though Nia Jax stood tall at the end of the segment. History indicated that despite her good fortune last night, she won’t be the one walking out of Wrestlemania as the champion.
SOME SHIT OF LESSER IMPORTANCE THAT HAPPENED:
– Eerie Undertaker spookiness interrupted the “Then Now Forever” bumper, which was cool.
– Cole: “Earlier tonight we saw a cemetery. Could it be The Undertaker is digging a new yard for Roman Reigns.” Aww, looks like Maggle’s mind is clogged up with buzzwords.
– Reigns is definitely the heel in this Undertaker match. He was being a dick and everything. This is exciting, though I’m sure ultimately, it will be deflating.
– I think The Undertaker is gonna actually murder Roman Reigns? Like, he got a tombstone made and everything (A PRETTY SWANKY ONE TOO – no expense spared for the fan favourite).
– Naom Dar tapped out to Austin Aries’ Last Chancery
– Neville made relatively short work of Jack Gallagher, forcing him to submit to the Rings of Saturn.
– Austin Aries did a bit with The New Day. It was… well, it was what it was.
– PITBULL AND CO. WILL BE PERFORMING “GREEN LIGHT” LIVE AT WRESTLEMANIA! YAY they’ve scheduled coffee break.
– The “Hold Harmless Agreement” is like, kinda dumb, right?
– I’ve never heard the phrase “like a one legged man at an arse kicking contest,” but Triple H says it’s very popular, SO I GUESS THAT’S A FACT NOW.
– Seth Rollins essentially did the John Candy speech from Planes, Trains and Automobiles.
– Neither H nor Rollins landed a Pedigree.
– Big Show buried a bunch of jobbers before being yelled at by Braun Strowman.
– WWE apparently can’t afford “Eye of the Tiger.”
– The teams in the tag title match had a scrap, this time with ladders. Will this fight fill the position of “obligatory ‘mania ladder match?”
– Al Roker will be the ring announcer for Cena & Nikki Vs. Miz & Maryse. YAY another coffee break.
– You know how they promoted “Goldberg and Lesnar, face to face in the ring?” Well, that didn’t actually happen. Lesnar got speared before Goldberg made it to the ring. So yeah, false advertising. Sad!
Early on in the show, Sami Zayn tried to insert himself into the Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royale, dedicating his potential win to formerly axed GM, Mick Foley. Stephanie rained on his parade, however, telling him he has to earn his spot by beating Kevin Owens in a No DQ match AND if he loses, he’ll also be out of a job, because Steph doesn’t like him and forces him to jump through more hoops than anyone else WE GET IT. Also, remember when Owens and Zayn had their final fight at Battleground? It’s cool that they’ve totally stuck to that.
It’s highly unlikely that they’ll fire Sami Zayn a week before Wrestlemania, so the question with this No DQ match was “How long before Chris Jericho interrupts this charade?” The answer was “after they got the spots out of the way,” or “about 7 minutes.”
Samoa Joe made his way to the ring, readied a chair but his flow was stifled by a surprise attack from Chris Jericho (there he is). The distraction allowed Zayn to roll up Owens for the win. Lists were edited and fun was had. BYE FOREVER.