In a strange alternate universe the US Title has become more important on SmackDown than the WWE Championship. I wonder if it has anything to do with the people they’ve booked to feud over said championships? Or if it has anything to do with “making American great again”. I mean, I doubt it is the latter but this is the WWE we are talking about and Vinny Mac is pals with President Trump so you never know. Welcome to the most must-see Vulture Hound weekly review in history; welcome to… The SmackDown Review.

The new-new face of America //

Just in case you missed it, AJ Styles won the United States Championship from Kevin Owens at a house show in Madison Square Garden on Friday. This was recapped at the opening of last night’s SmackDown where Styles made his way to the ring and announced the title had got an upgrade. He then reinstated the United States Open Challenge, and the man who inaugurated such challenge, John Cena, was the one to answer the call. It was all rather friendly between the pair and, quite frankly, it makes me sick.
However, the former champ, Kevin Owens, had other ideas and attempted to interrupt but then Cena also had other ideas. What? I know? Cena threatened Owens that if he interrupted the match he would run through him and then run through Styles too. Wait? I thought they were friends now? Just then, Handsome bloody Rusev appeared and tackled Big John while Owens smashed Styles with a deliciously popped-up powerbomb. Just like old times, Rusev locked Cena in the Accolade, and the two heels posed over their opponents. This wasn’t over yet…

The new Un-Americans //

All filler, no killer (other than Breezango):

– Jinder Mahal beat Tye Dillinger faster than you can count to 10. After the match Mahal said he was bringing the Punjabi Prison to Smackdown Live. Tune in next week to watch that not happen.

– In singles competition, Xavier Woods defeated Jey Uso with a massive springboard elbow on Uso, who was draped on the second rope.

Sexy Fashion Rangers //

– The Fashion Files went all “Runway Walker, Texas Rangers” in their latest case file. Just watch it. It’s incredible.

– Sami Zayn got knocked the f**k out when Mike Kanellis smashed a vase off his head. Can’t wait for this growing feud to finally make its way to the ring.

– Baron ‘Jeremy’ Corbin was set to face Theresa Maykamura but the latter jumped the former before the match even begun. The pair brawled into the House of Commons crowd until they were separated by John Bercow officials. These British politics jokes doing anything for you?

– Natalya and Tamina beat Charlotte Flair and Becky Lynch in tag team action. Lana came to ringside and distracted Charlotte which allowed Natalya to make the tag and play dead. When Charlotte went for the Figure Eight, Tamina superkicked her right in the mush and pinned her for the win.

Remember when I said “this wasn’t over yet”?..

Cena and Styles decided to team up to take on Owens and Rusev for the night’s main event. In what summed up a rather mediocre episode of SmackDown Live, Styles hit a Pele kick on Owens, and then Cena delivered the Attitude Adjustment and pinned Owens.

The real Real Americans //

After the match, Cena and Styles had a staredown before Cena raised Styles’ hand, then the two posed for the crowd. Good guy John, eh? *sighs*

By Bradley Tiernan

"Wrestling is better than the things you like" - John Oliver

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