WARNING STRONG VIOLENCE AND STRONG LANGUAGE AHEAD

Welcome back to H20 Wrestling. The Hardcore Hustle was back again with another stacked card of violent delights. We’d have several different types of deathmatches culminating in the ultimate violent spectacle, Casanova Valentine vs Matt Tremont in a barbed wire cage match. We’d also see two titles defended and a deathmatch gauntlet throughout the course of the show. Let’s stop stalling and dive into the violence.

Frankie Pickard defeated Lucky 13 via Implant DDT

The show opened with the only none-deathmatch match of the night. Frankie Pickard was first out, cigarette in mouth, to the tune of Old Town Road. He would be taking on the former H20 champ, Lucky 13 (who comes out to Babymetal’s Headbanger, I still can’t get over that.) The pair started with a reversal exchange with Pickard keeping the cigarette in his mouth the whole time. The pair cancelled each other’s dives with Lucky 13 kicking away the cigarette. Lucky 13 continued the assault with a Suplex and kicks. He pummelled him in the corner and uppercutted Pickard out of his boots. Pickard came back with a massive knee strike and the pair traded enzuigiris. Frankie was revived by a cigarette barrage from the crowd but once again took too long showboating. Lucky 13 took advantage with a massive springboard DDT. Lucky 13 survived a Blue Thunder Bomb and hit a massive Knee strike and suplexed Pickard into the corner. He hit a Swanton Bomb but only got a one-count. Pickard retrieved his cigarette, reversed 13 and hit a pop-up knee/Implant DDT combo for the win, shocking everyone. This may have only been short but it was entertaining to watch and see the crowd cheer on the cigarette chomping hero. Lucky 13 pissed off everyone by beating down Pickard after the match due to embarrassment.

7-Person Deathmatch Gauntlet: Stockade, Devon Moore, Raven Havok, Mason Martin, Eddy Only, Marc Angel & MOUSE

Next up was the massive deathmatch gauntlet. First up was a crutch bound Eddie Only. He was bullied by the crowd for his associations with a certain GCW Champion. He tried to ignore it and address the fact that he was injured an insulted G-Raver. Devon Moore was the first opponent. Only instantly attacked smashing the first light tube of the show. After taking a beating, Moore rolled up Only for the win. Only dropped Moore with a Brainbuster before leaving. Marc Angel came out to pick the scraps who only got a two with a superkick. Moore got rid of Angel with a big kick in mere seconds. Next was big bad Stockade who Moore attacked before he could get in the ring. Moore killed Stockade by hitting a drop toe hold onto cinderblocks but Stockade was able to drive him through a door for the three-count. Next up was Mouse, who got taken for a crowd surfing session courtesy of Stockade. Mouse tried to use agility but ended up broken on the apron. Stockade used a fan as a weapon too, dropping him on Mouse. Stockade then got a shock as Mouse dived on him from the rafters of the building and back body dropped Stockade onto the cinderblocks. He nearly put the big man away with a light tube dropkick. After that, Stockade finally killed Mouse.

Next out was Raven Havok. He started fast but was flattened by an F5 from Stockade. The big man then took himself out by running into the cinderblocks. The pair then had a gusset plate duel. Havok nearly won with a Meteora but was slammed onto more gusset plates. He finished Havok with a massive Powerbomb. Last up was Mason Martin (who looked a lot like Killian Dain…) to end the gauntlet with a big boy bout. Martin grabbed a barbed wire and tube door and went for a Vader Bomb on Stockade but just ate cinderblock and even more cinderblocks after an F5. Stockade finished Martin by driving him through the door of death. What a fun gauntlet full of deathmatch fuckery it was. Stockade was definitely the worthy winner here.  

Carpet Strip Bonanza H20 Tag Titles Match: The Lone Rangers (Mitch Vallen & Jeff Cannonball) defeated Your Real Dads (Conor Claxton & Brandon Kirk) via Chest Master Assisted Splash

A match full of carpet strips. Think about that. It’s basically a ring full of spikes, teeny tiny vicious spikes. Cannonball and Vallen tried to start strong but Kirk and erm… Ghostface avoided them and drove them into the spikes. They applied the Mandible Claw to the Rangers but they fought out of it. Mitch and Cannonball sandwiched the pair and drove them through the carpet strips to the floor. Kirk and Cannonball battled with light tubes whilst Claxton bullied Mitch. More people were slammed by Cannonball as Mitch recovered. Mitch tried to choke Claxton with his mask but it was stopped by a detour sign. Kirk and Claxton choked out Cannonball but the hulking Mitch tried to murder Kirk. The action went back to the ring with the Rangers setting up for a double cannonball but Claxton slammed a cross of carpet strips across both men. The pair planted Cannonball with Claxton setting up light tubes in the corner. He put on the brakes, withstood a bunch of kicks and dropped Kirk on Claxton with a piledriver. The Rangers ended the match with an Assisted Splash onto tubes called the Chest Master (I think commentary was a little fuzzy.) This was great. It was slightly comedic but also full of nasty spots involving the carpet strips. Mitch looked like a blood coloured waterfall.

Fans Bring the Weapons: Kit Osbourne defeated Lowlife Louie Ramos via Inverted Stretch Plum

You know your match is going to be interesting when the fans have brought the weapons. People are always capable of creating the most sadistic things, especially if it’ll help a legend like Lowlife Louie. Safe to say there was fuckery abound here, Louie even came out with a cut can board. These two have had a very personal war that had to come to an end here. The pair traded strikes with Louie going nuts with the headbutts. He crushed Osbourne against the ring post before also tasting the ring post courtesy of Kit. Osbourne kept on the assault by sticking gusset boards into the back of Louie but ended up getting one in his arm too. Louie hit Kit in the face with a light tube then went full-on Abdullah the Butcher with a fork. Kit went after the knee of Louie and drove him through a gusset plate board. Kit locked a Figure four on Louie around the ring post, making Louie scream out in pain. He then went after the knee with a barbed wire oar then used it on Louie’s head. Louie used his good knee to knock down Kit and unleashed Thor’s hammer of hell on Kit, smashing him multiple times. Louie got a taste of Thor’s hammer of hell after a kick to the balls. He then gave Louie gusset plates to the gut and shoulders with a cricket bat. Kit set up a razor board across some chairs but ended up going through it as part of a Side Russian Leg Sweep. Both men were struggling on the floor now. Louie was the first to his feet, hit a couple of knees and took a steak knife to Kit’s head and arse. Osbourne survived and super kicked Louie through a can board. Louie hulked up on light tube shots before knocking Kit down once again and hitting him in the balls with a plate and skateboard. Ramos set up a TV between the turnbuckles but got driven face-first through it. Kit locked in a crossface and made Louie pass out with an inverted Stretch Plum. It was a sombre end to a valiant effort from Louie. I was in awe at some of the weapons created for this match and had a blast watching them broken over both men. Louie chose to show respect to Kit for actually besting him in the match, despite all they’ve been through.

H20 Championship Match: Ron Mathis defeated Drew Blood via Roll Up

After a couple of very good H20 academy matches for intermission, we got the H20 Championship match. It was crowd favourite vs crowd hated as the champ was accompanied by White Trash Forever. After two minutes, I couldn’t wait to see Mathis get his ass kicked. The pair started by fighting in a thumbtack pit with both men jockeying to throw the other in. Both men ended up in there following a Side Effect from Drew. Mathis got his crew involved and they removed the pit. Mathis kept beating down Drew whilst screaming “forever” like a broken record. Drew came back with some slugs and a Blue Thunder Bomb. He kept on the pressure but it wasn’t enough to keep Mathis down. Devon Moore aided Drew Blood in getting rid of White Trash Forever and got the tack pit back in the ring. Mathis went for the eyes and but got caught out of a Tiger Bomb with a Shining Wizard. Drew dropped Mathis into the pit again but White Trash Forever got back to the ring to ruin the moment. Moore once again got rid of them. Mathis played possum in the ring, kicked Drew in the balls and rolled him up for the win. The trash champ won in a trash manner, what a shock. Wasn’t that big a fan of this match but I feel that was kind of the point.

Texas Last Man Standing Death Match: Jimmy Chondo Lyon vs Chuck Payne

Last time I saw Chuck Payne in action, he was mixing it up with SHLAK. This time he was in a Last Man Standing deathmatch with the guy Claxton beat to a pulp at the last Tournament of Death. Based on body type alone this was a hideous mismatch as Payne was double Lyon’s size. Lyon requested the match as he wanted to really beat Payne. He instantly ran into a boot from Payne and kept getting knocked down through the early stages. Payne drank two goddamn bottles of water at the same goddamn time then pounded on Lyon some more. Lyon continued to be a human crash test dummy as Payne just knocked him down over and over again. Payne got some plunder and kept the beating going. He broke a light tube over Lyon’s head and slammed him into the mat as Lyon taunted him for some reason. Finally, Lyon got some offence in as he hit Payne with a chair and a guitar. Lyon did the most masochistic thing I’ve ever seen in a match by supergluing broken shards of glass to his bare feet.

He hit himself in the face with a water tank and missed a dive, going through a lawn chair. Lyon’s luck went from bad to worse as Payne dropped him onto light tubes with a spinning sidewalk slam. A fan gave Payne a thumbtack tray which he introduced to the back of Lyon. Since Lyon got up, he was put through a door with a Spinebuster. Payne upped the ante by chokeslamming Lyon through some wooden ring steps. Lyon got up at 9, incensing Payne. Chuck set up more chairs and doors but his super chokeslam was interrupted by Marc Angel and a light tube. He and Lyon set up a ladder, which Payne launched him off of with a massive Samoan Drop through two ladders. Payne just beat the count winning the match. Lyons lasted longer than I’d have expected. What a mental spotfest of a match, I loved it.

Ladders, Chairs, Doors Tag: The Fed (Steve Gallagher & Danny Gallagher) defeated Young, Dumb N Broke (Jordan Oliver, Charlie Tiger & Ellis Taylor) via Elimination

The Fed were at an instant disadvantage as Jimmy Lloyd was unable to make the show. That didn’t stop the Fed instantly diving out of the ring onto Tiger and Oliver. They kept working over Tiger, kicking him down. YDNB came back with chair shots. The Fed came back by trapping YDNB in a ladder and cracking them with chair shots. At least until YDNB threw the ladder at them. They all turned on Sanders, cracking him in the head with chair shots. YDNB set up a door/ladder contraption which Sanders was driven through. Gallagher saved the match and went to war with Oliver. Gallagher drove Oliver through a door and eliminated Oliver with a Piledriver. He then took out Tiger and Taylor with a flipping neck breaker and dual suicide dives. Unfortunately, he took himself out and YDNB took control again. They hit a sliced bread/German Suplex combo through a door to eliminate Gallagher. The two had a CTE bar fight before Tiger pulled off the nastiest looking DVD into the corner I’ve ever seen. Sanders recovered with a Sunset Bomb into the corner and finished Tiger with a Corkscrew Moonsault. Taylor got too gobby and Sanders made him pay for it with another batch of slugs only to get levelled by a Lariat from Taylor. The pair kept trading until Sanders requested a 15ft ladder. He put Taylor on a ladder bridge but YDNB ran out their final member, Griffin McCoy to ruin Sanders fun. Still only got a two count through. Sanders used the teammates against each other and got rid of McCoy but fell victim to a low blow. Ellis fell onto a ladder and Sanders finished him off with an elbow drop off the ladder. YDNB had been bested despite having a numbers advantage. The Fed gave YDNB a massive fuck you here and won an absolute spotfest that probably left at least one member of the match injured.

Barbed Wire Cage Match: Matt Tremont defeated Casanova Valentine via Light tube DVD

Last but not least, the big bad barbed wire cage match. A twisted mix of painful stipulations that was also full of deathmatch toys. Valentine, a top star of the no ring deathmatch scene was taking on Matt Tremont, an absolute legend of the deathmatch business. It was going to get very, very messy. The crowd were hot, with neither man having a fan advantage. Casanova wanted the torch to be passed to him, hence the match. Tremont started strong following a Valentine slap. Tremont grabbed a sickle and raked it across Valentine’s scalp, then did the same with barbed wire. Tremont kept rearranging the plunder as Valentine bled out. He went for a DVD but Valentine pushed him through a table. Tremont got a face full of barbed wire and brought out the garden weasel, stabbing it into the back and skull of Tremont. He then went for the ultimate nutcracker, breaking light tubes into the dick of Tremont with the garden weasel. Valentine kept going with the smashing and stabbing, making a bloody mess of Tremont and smashing light tubes into Tremont’s stomach. The barbed wire went into the face of Tremont again alongside more glass. Valentine set up another table but was swatted off the top rope and driven through it by Tremont.

We got duelling light tubes until Valentine finally put Tremont down. Both men were bloody messes at this point so Valentine zip-tied Tremont to the ropes and broke light tube after light tube over his head. Tremont trash-talked Valentine, which just made Valentine call Tremont a martyr and made the beatdown much more savage. Valentine apologised to Tremont before driving a pair of scissors into his head. He released Tremont and went for a disrespectful cover. Valentine hit the Stage 5 Clinger but only got a two count. He did it again through light tubes but still only got a two. He helped Tremont to his feet and gave him the finger. Tremont answered back with a series of hard punches and DVD-ed Valentine through a light tube chair in the corner for the win. The torch would not be being passed just yet as Tremont clung to his throne against a very hungry, very violent Casanova Valentine. What a fucking match. This is how you do the main event. Tremont gave Valentine thanks for giving him the boost and fire he needed.

So, there you have it, H20 Wrestling’s “Subterranean Violence Vol. 666” reviewed for your reading pleasure. I fucking loved this. I normally don’t swear to describe stuff but it’s accurate here. Practically every match delivered something, even if it was a purely hateable champion. Shows like this are always a blast as they’re always buoyed by great matches, a hot crowd and a whole load of fuckery. Matt Tremont has created one hell of a promotion and knows how to put on amazing shows. H20 deserves your attention. Look them up on Smart Mark, Indiewrestling TV or FITE TV. You will not be disappointed. This promotion is only getting hotter.

All images courtesy of HeyyImRob, Casanova Valentine, H2O Twitter, Earl Gardner , Nicholas (psamp Twitter)