STRONG VIOLENCE AND LANGUAGE AHEAD

Welcome back to H2O. The Hardcore Hustle Organisation was back and better than ever with a show designed to reward those who had shone at No Excuses. The Kidz were getting a shot at the tag team titles after besting WTF, Mitch Vallen was taking his title match against Ron Mathis after WTF got him the shot plus, Kit Osbourne would fight Terra Calaway for the Queen of Crazy title and there’d be three competitors eying up Bam Sullivan’s Danny Havoc Hardcore Title. With all this and more, let’s get into the action.

Raver’s Rules: G-Raver defeated Dyln McKay via Seated Meteora

We started the night with a visit from Tremont Claus. He came out to welcome people to H2O, then gave G-Raver what he wanted for Christmas, a match with Dyln McKay. This was contested under Raver’s rules, meaning there were no rules. Within seconds the pair had picked up the pace and were staring each other down after McKay flipped out of a dropkick. Raver dragged him out of the air with a flapjack and kneed him out of the ring. He pummelled McKay around the outside and launched him into some chairs with an arm-drag. He hit a Cazadora arm-drag but McKay leapt onto a chair and drilled Raver into the floor with a Tornado DDT. Of course, he couldn’t stop at that and hit Raver with a Shooting Star Press off the apron. Raver fired back with a rope-hung double stomp and continued to bully McKay with knees, kicks and the turnbuckles. He fired McKay up, then snuffed the flame out with a lethal lariat and more kicks. He continued to trash talk McKay and drove him into the mat with a roundhouse gut kick/DDT combo. A chop seemed to bring McKay back to life as he launched a comeback combo at Raver at stunned him with a springboard Enzuigiri. He continued with an Ushigoroshi/PK combo and crashed onto Raver with a running SSP. He tried to end Raver with another springboard but Raver caught him and drove him into the mat with a flatliner. Raver booted McKay back out of the ring with a head kick and set up a door. The pair fought on the top rope and both crashed through the door as McKay sacrificed himself with a Spanish Fly. Raver crashed through one of the chairs supporting it and McKay clutched his knee in agony. Both staggered to their feet and forearmed the shit out of each other, then Raver kneed McKay in the head again and leapt off McKay’s back to deliver a moonsault headbutt. McKay kicked out so Raver went to the top rope. He got stunned by a spin kick and set up another chair. He tried to superplex Raver but Raver hung on and dropped McKay into the chair, then promptly broke him through it with a massive Meteora. Raver once again won the day, but he brought one hell of a fight out of McKay. What an awesome way to open the show.

ISW Undisputed Queen of Crazy Title Santa’s Leftovers Match: Terra Calaway (w/Jeff Cannonball) defeated Kit Osbourne via LEGO™ Chokebomb

Things were going to get no less crazy as next up was Kit Osbourne challenging the Queen of the Dinosaurs, Terra Calaway for her Queen of Crazy Title. Terra was more than pissed with Kit and now she had the chance to murder him. Kit started by bailing and jaw jacking with Cannonball, then after raking Calaway’s eyes took a shot to the throat. She continued to beat down Osbourne with forearms and kicks, then brought in Cannonball for a soda review. Her first present contained a meat fork so she used it to carve up Osbourne’s face. Osbourne rammed Calaway into the ring post but she shrugged this off and downed him with a stiff chop. Osbourne tried to kick a rope, into her but it didn’t work so he raked her eyes again and hit her with pocket sand. He bounced a box off her head then tore off her mask, choked her with it and carved her up with a cheese grater. He took the meat fork to Calaway and blasted her with stiff strikes to the head and neck. Osbourne tried for a German but Calaway shook him off and dropped him on his head with a swinging neckbreaker. She tried to set up more presents and put Osbourne through them with an Iconoclasm but Kit raked her face and put her through them with a whoopee cushion. Calaway kicked out so Osbourne covered the ring in LEGO™ and dragged her face through it. He ran for a curb stomp but Calaway moved, bludgeoned away another pocket sand, and finished Osbourne off with a LEGO™ chokebomb. The Queen of the Dinosaurs had retained her title again and Kit Osbourne had been left Tyrannosaurus wrecked. He clearly wasn’t happy about this as he brutally attacked both Calaway and Cannonball after the match. Something tells me this isn’t over yet.

Four-Way Hardcore: Stan Stylez defeated Jimmy Lyon, Marc Angel & Xavier Cross via Cream Clothesline on Angel

After that was something more light-hearted. A first time ever match that had escalated into a four-way hardcore bout between some of H2O’s liveliest. It was meant to be a bout between Cross and Lyon that got invaded by Stylez and Angel, creating this clusterfuck of a four-way. Stylez looked to be having the most fun throughout the match as he faked dives, hit his opponents in the balls and used tearaway clothing as a weapon. He even had barbed-wire and tack covered shake-weights to use as weapons. The original contestants seemed to fade into the background as Lyon and Cross fought outside as Stylez beatdown Angel. Stylez was taken out by a low blow so Lyon crept in and cracked Angel with an exploding cap bat. Angel hit him with the same bat, then snatched up the tack shake-weight to cut up Lyon. The original contestants finally got to fight for the camera as Cross got rid of Angel and the pair brawled. Lyon smashed carpet strips over Cross and got launched by Stylez with a nipple-plex. We got a four-way barfight and the ref knocked out Angel.  Stylez retreated and re-emerged with a shake-weight kendo stick that took everyone out. We got more chaotic collisions until Cross betrayed Stylez, Angel put Cross through a door and Lyon had taken a ton of bat shots. Lyon downed Angel with a leg sweep and brought out a special contraption, a flaming stop sign. Cross drove Lyon onto it with a brainbuster, then got taken out by a cream stunner. Stylez sprayed cream down Angel’s pants and won the match with a cream clothesline. This was dumb as hell but it got a smile out of me and offered some nice hardcore segments. It seems no one can stop the cream.

H2O Hybrid Title Traps, Ladders & Cigarettes: Frankie Pickard defeated Mouse via Sneaky Mousetrap

You know a match is going to be good when the fuckery built for it looks wild. Mouse is a madman and now he had earned a title shot against the King of Smoke Style, Frankie Pickard. The thing is though, Mouse doesn’t have normal matches so we found ourselves in a Traps, Ladders and Cigarettes bout. Pickard didn’t even get a chance to breathe as he was instantly dropkicked into a barbed-wire trap and had a wooden board kicked into his face. He dragged Pickard out and nailed him with a double stomp and scrambled for a ladder. Pickard pulled him down and drove him through a box of traps with a Blue Thunder Bomb. He kicked Mouse in the head and slammed him across an open chair. They brawled on the outside and Mouse put Pickard through a tack door. Pickard came back strong and dumped Mouse on his head with a corner jackhammer. He took it a step further and cracked Mouse’s head between two chairs and threw him into a box of doors and sealed it up. Pickard scaled the ladder but Mouse leapt out of his door coffin and clawed at his back. He climbed up alongside Pickard and brought him crashing down with a Samurai Driver. He set up another ladder and the pair collided in the air, Pickard taking the brunt of it in the form of a spear. The pair fought to their feet with Mouse trying to bite Pickard but Pickard overpowered him and slammed him through the door box again. He attacked Mouse with the smaller ladder and set it up under the top rope. Mouse scrambled up alongside him again, knocked Pickard onto the ladder and ignored the title to drop an elbow and splash onto Pickard. Pickard flew into a rage and murdered Mouse with whatever wasn’t nailed down. The fight went to the top rope and Mouse was able to stun Pickard and drive him through the door box with a sunset bomb. Mouse climbed up to retrieve the title but found that a mousetrap had been hidden in the belt and he tumbled down. Pickard gave Mouse the Last Breath and grabbed his title. He had gone through a war to retain and I think everyone was entertained by this bout and the creative fuckery involved. Both men knocked it out of the park here.

H2O Heavyweight Contenders No Rules Fight: Chuck Payne defeated Lowlife Louie via Tube Door Chokeslam

How do you follow up something like that? Well, you put the human punishment machine Lowlife Louie against the angry monster Chuck Payne in a match with no rules. These two were going to kill each other and there was sure to be blood aplenty. There was no fancy technical work to start off, these two just threw hands. They brought the fight outside and Payne gave Louie a tour of the ring posts, then broke a barbed-wire 2×4 over his back. He bullied Louie in the corner with clotheslines and broke the first tube of the night through Louie’s chest. He tried to whip Louie into a razor board but Louie caught himself and shunted Payne into it until it broke. He stabbed Payne with a fork and took him down with a trio of clotheslines, then had his jaw taken off with a stiff punch and his forehead carved up with his own fork. He deadlifted Louie into a sidewalk slam and broke his back with a spinebuster. Louie avoided disaster by lighting Payne up with jabs and uppercuts, then sent the monster flying into a cut-can covered TV. Payne seemed to shake this off and launched Louie through the razor board. More fists flew and Payne shattered a piece of the TV over Louie’s head for the kill. At least, it would have killed anyone other than Louie. Payne hoisted the convulsing Louie up and ended him with a chokeslam. Again, it would have killed anyone but Louie so Louie hulked up and gave Payne the Big Foot and slammed him like Andre. Payne kicked out of the Big Leg and Louie had a tube door brought in. He kicked Payne low and tried for a DVD but Payne muscled out and finished Louie off with a second chokeslam through the tube door. Payne had claimed his contender spot but it had taken a hell of a lot to do so against the nigh on unstoppable Lowlife Louie. Ron Mathis, you’re fucked if you beat Mitch.

Six-Man Weapons tag: GG Everson, Mason Martin & Stockade defeated The Grimy Bastards (Devon Moore & Deklan Grant) & Drew Blood via Elevated Door Spear

The weapons-filled violence continued with a good old-fashioned six-man war. The new conquering force in H2O was set to take on its resilient old guard. Stockade was on the warpath and he’d recruited Mason Martin and GG Everson to his cause. They were going to try and kill Devon Moore, Deklan Grant and Drew Blood. There were no entrances, just a brawl once all six people were in the ring. The Grimy Bastards took out Stockade’s Army and dove onto them when they bailed. The weapons formed great equalisers and Everson ran down Blood. Everson powered up off a water bottle to the dome and nearly killed Blood with a spinebuster. From here, Stockade’s army went crazy over the Grimy Bastards, using raw power to break them down. The trio tried to break Grant’s ribs and scored several near falls until Grant was able to get a tag to Blood. From there, the match structure disintegrated and everyone fought everyone. We saw an excellent double-team neckbreaker bomb from Martin and Everson and plenty of instances of the big men being thrown into each other. In the end, Moore was tied up in the ropes and Stockade made him watch as they put Blood through a door with an elevated spear. It was a show of force from Stockade’s army and another slap in the face to the veterans of H2O from Stockade.

H2O Danny Havoc Hardcore Title: Bam Sullivan defeated SHLAK, Conor Claxton & Sean Henderson via Door-VD to Claxton

The multi-man madness continued as Bam Sullivan had the fight of his life against three of H2O’s finest for his Danny Havoc Hardcore Title. Dealing with one of these men on their own would have been trouble so how would he fair against all three? The match started with a four-way collision as Claxton threatening to kill everyone wasn’t working so all four men charged. Claxton dumped Henderson on his head and SHLAK was beaten in by a chair and SHLAK gave Sullivan broken tube bunny ears. He then chomped on a tube and ground the glass into Sullivan’s head. Fights broke out on both sides as Claxton and SHLAK beat up their opponents. Sullivan killed SHLAK then helped Henderson with a sunset German. Plunder came out and SHLAK got vengeance with a door spear. Claxton gave everyone his boots and Sullivan gave everyone discus elbows. SHLAK hit everyone with Falcon Arrows and Henderson caught everyone with Piledrivers, saving a special Destroyer for Claxton. Sullivan countered his follow-up and hit a schoolboy head kick into a powerbomb but only got two and a tube to the head from SHLAK. He speared SHLAK through another door and Henderson launched off Claxton to hit Sullivan with a Code Red and more tubes. SHLAK went on a rampage hitting everyone with plunder and throwing Sullivan into Claxton for a Back Suplex. SHLAK got Sullivan up for an assisted brainbuster but Claxton kicked him in the head and tossed him aside with an overhead belly to belly. Sullivan speared Claxton, then finished him with a sit-out DVD through a door. Henderson was too late to break up the pin and Sullivan lived to defend the title another day. Once again, we got an excellent defence from Bam Sullivan and a nice outing for everyone involved.

H2O Tag Titles: The Kidz (Austin Luke & Marcus Mathers) defeated White Trash Forever (Bruce Grey & Tyler Voxx w/Nick Papagiorgio) via Backslide to Voxx

It was time for The Kidz to show what they could do. They managed to shock WTF last time they were in a ring together, now they had a shot at their first main roster gold. Voxx and Grey had taken them lightly before, would they do it again? Grey and Luke started technical and traded positions and holds until Luke had hurt Grey’s shoulder and he didn’t want to fight anymore. Voxx came in and instantly got the same treatment, Luke trying to break his shoulder too. Mathers came in and helped with a double team clothesline, then let Grey attack his own partner. He was punched away and Voxx got smacked in the mouth too. Voxx had his soul chopped out and took a corner Superman punch and basement dropkick combo. Papagiorgio grabbed Luke’s leg and Voxx took advantage with a chop block. The leg became a weak spot and WTF worked it to death. He had his leg and body punished by strikes and holds, breaking the rules whenever they could by firing up Mathers and getting him to interject. Luke was able to escape by taking advantage of WTF grandstanding and kicked both in the mouth. A fired-up Mathers came in and pummelled Voxx, blasting him with a schoolboy kip-up Cutter. Papagiorgio saved Voxx from the pin and distracted Mathers so Grey could hit a jumping facebuster. Mathers was hit by a finisher combo, but Luke saved him. Luke nearly had the match won after kicking the life out of both members of WTF but Papagiorgio struck again. Grey blasted Luke with a DDT and Mathers got himself tagged in. Voxx and Mathers beat the shit out of each other, then the ref broke up a dirty pin and Mathers got Voxx into a backslide for the win. The Kidz had bested WTF and now had some shiny new belts to show for it. Well done, to The Kidz.

H2O Heavyweight Title: Ron Mathis (w/WTF) defeated Mitch Vallen via Chair Piledriver

Last but not least, Mitch Vallen would take the title shot he had been given against the King of the White Trash, Ron Mathis. The numbers would be against him but The Kidz proved that WTF can be beaten; would Mitch do the same? Mitch was instantly jumped by Voxx and Grey but he swatted them away and punched the taste out of Mathis’ mouth before clotheslining him out of the ring. He took out Grey and Voxx again, then put both through a door with an Oklahoma Stampede. Mathis then surprised everyone by picking up Mitch and dropping him onto a barbed-wire door with a fallaway slam. Mathis beat down Mitch around the ring and got slammed into the ring posts by Mitch. Mathis tried to run away but Mitch followed him backstage and carried him back kicking and screaming. Mathis caught Mitch with a sucker punch and assaulted him with a series of vicious strikes. Mitch came back with a running crossbody and grabbed Mathis by the throat but Papagiorgio hopped on his back. Mitch wasn’t hurt by this but it proved an ample distraction for Mathis to hit him with a trio of neck-breakers. He attacked Mitch with a bull rope and hit him with a chain-wrapped fist. He continued to abuse Mitch with the chain and ran into a Full Nelson slam for Mitch. He wrapped the chain around his fist and introduced it to Mathis’ guts, then hit him with a leg sweep. He hit Mathis with a Manhattan Drop and backhand, then broke Mathis’ ribs with a gutbuster and slam. Mathis escaped a choke bomb and ran around Mitch, catching him into a powerslam. Mathis knocked out the ref, so Papagiorgio took over ref duties and tried to fast count, an elbow drop but Mitch still kicked out. Mitch threw Mathis off a piledriver and slammed him with a choke bomb but the ref injured himself and couldn’t count to three. Mitch KO’ed Papagiorgio and hit Mathis with another choke bomb but a replacement ref didn’t make it fast enough. Both men got downed off a clothesline, then Jeff Cannonball saved Mitch from more WTF shenanigans by getting rid of Voxx and Grey. The pair fought over a chair, then Mathis secured his win by hitting Mitch with a Piledriver onto the chair. it was a long and brutal fight but Mathis won on his own initiative in the end. Mitch was robbed but at points but Mathis survived and gave Mitch one hell of a battle. It was an excellent match to end the show on. Better run though, Chuck Payne is next and he’s going to kill you.

But wait, there’s more. After the main event and an intense staredown between Mathis and Payne, we found that Matt Tremont had received a present. Now it was a day late but a present is a present after all. It was a 44OH! shirt in Matt’s size. They had not interfered tonight but they clearly wanted to prove they weren’t done. 2020 has been a great year for the company and I’m glad to see they could end it on a high note with another excellent show. I look forward to seeing what the future holds and really want to see Payne vs Mathis now as Mathis seems to have stopped running away and wants to scrap. It’s going to be a wild ride when H2O returns and I know the talent is just going to keep getting better.

All images courtesy of Chris Grasso, H2O Twitter