WARNING: STRONG LANGUAGE AND VIOLENCE AHEAD
Welcome back again to H2O. We’re at part two of their same-day double-bill and No Pity for the Weak. It was time to get serious as we said goodbye to proving yourself and hello to taking names, fighting for your life, and trying to pry away titles. In this show we’d see, Frankie Pickard’s open challenge, Ron Mathis try to keep his title against the Monster Chuck Payne, The Extricated three-way for the Danny Havoc Hardcore Title and so much more. Things were going to get ugly, violent, and extremely trashy, so let’s get into the action.
H2O Tag Team Titles: White Trash Forever (Bruce Grey & Tyler Voxx w/Nick Papagiorgio) defeated The Kidz (Marcus Mathers & Austin Luke) via White Trash Cutter to Luke
After WTF had stolen the titles during the last show, they had used them to barter a tag title match. The Kidz had accepted and were going into their second match of the day. The Kidz started hot but usual WTF tactics played out and Mathers found himself the victim of a beatdown, a slightly embarrassing beatdown as Bruce Grey was only working with one arm. The match became a lot more open and the fun really began and the Kidz and WTF just tried to murder each other. Dirty tricks won the day though as Grey took out Luke’s knee with a tire iron and Voxx won the match with a nasty cutter. The Kidz tag reign was over before it could really begin as WTF did what they do best, break rules, piss people off, and annoyingly, always carry championships.
Frankie Pickard’s H2O Hybrid Title Up in Smoke Open Challenge: Frankie Pickard defeated Rocket via Super Pop-up Knee
Frankie Pickard is one of the best examples of a fighting champ. He took on Mouse in a horrendous TLC match the last event and now was opening the gate to anyone who wanted a shot in the form of an open challenge. Rocket answered the call and the Space Cowboys got to fighting. Early on, Rocket held every advantage, he knew Frankie well, was fast as hell, and seemed to be able to work around anything Pickard threw. Just when he thought he’d found a time to strike, Rocket cracked him in the head with a can of Twisted Tea. Pickard found the equaliser in some slams and bombs onto the apron before driving Rocket head-first into it with a draping DDT. Both guys continued to blow minds with moves until Pickard caught Rocket out of a Meteora into a lethal pop-up knee. This match could have gotten way uglier had a young fan not reminded them they were not only a tag team but friends. Even if it didn’t get ultraviolent, this match rocked.
G-Raver defeated Alex Stretch via Meteora
Sometimes, sending in a video is the best way to get what you want. That definitely worked for Alex Stretch who introduced himself to the H2O roster and got himself a match with the macabre master of hardcore, G-Raver. This match was insane. G-Raver is the resident psycho but Stretch was definitely trying to rival him for insanity points. Stretch ate concrete on a dive early on and fought with a mouth spitting blood the entire time. We got horrific spots of brutality throughout using chairs and good old knees to breakdown both guys. They both kicked out of things that would have killed others and Raver ended the bout with a spine-breaking rope-hung flatliner onto upright chairs and the massive Meteora for the win. Stretch was an unknown to me at the start of the match, now I hope to see him as a main roster regular as he’s batshit insane and I find him to be the example of untapped potential for the company. If you can go the limit with G-Raver and survive, you’ve already shown you’re a) probably quite mad and b) tough as nails. To earn Raver’s respect after it, something more.
The Grimy Bastards (Devon Moore & Deklan Grant) defeated Stockade & GG Everson via Door Bash Roll Up on Everson
After that, we got the continuation of Stockade’s grudge against Devon Moore. Stockade and his group of monsters have carved a path of destruction through H2O and The Grimy Bastards were still in the crosshairs. This was wild. It started with brawling and slowly became the Devon Moore beat up show. Stockade and Everson really did pummel the life out of him whilst ignoring the eye-gouges and escape attempts. Grant could do nothing but watch on as Moore was assaulted with slams, on the ground, and from the air. When things did finally go the way of the Grimy Bastards, it was still chaos and it took a door breaking shot to the head of Everson to give the Grimy Bastards the victory they needed. Stockade and Everson looked like monsters here and really laid into the Grimy Bastards but it was the crafty Moore and a dangerous door that cost them the match. Somehow, I expect this to go on as Stockade is on a killing spree of H2O’s veterans as he looks to really cement himself in the wrestling history books. I don’t mind though, seeing Stockade kill people is really damn fun.
Fight for Your Life: Jeff Cannonball defeated Jonny Nova via Cinderblock Fire-Thunder Driver
Jonny Nova is very much on Matt Tremont’s shit list. After running away and begging for matches, Tremont gave him a fight alright, against Jeff Cannonball with no rules in place. This felt less like a baptism by fire and more lamb before the slaughter but maybe just maybe Nova could prove everyone wrong? No, he couldn’t but he didn’t go down without a fight. He tried to jump Cannonball early on but found himself fighting an expert in his element. He suffered a soda review, chair pelting, some Twitter lessons as Cannonball brought fan interactions in to take videos and pics for Twitter and even got buried under a chair cannonball. But Nova continuously fought back. He even managed to kick Cannonball head-first onto a cinderblock but alas he just couldn’t get enough shots in to claim victory and Cannonball got sick of Nova chatting shit. A Fire-Thunder Driver onto the cinderblock put him away and Cannonball walked away the winner. That would have been the end of Nova’s H2O run but Cannonball vouched for him, and if Tremont was okay with it, he’d get a second shot at the company, providing he wasn’t too much of a dick.
Devil’s Bullrope: Terra Calaway vs Kit Osbourne ended in no contest
Kit Osbourne and Terra Calaway have been a very bitter feud led by Osbourne craving the title she holds. She had bested him in a Christmas Leftovers Hardcore match, now they would battle it out in a Devil’s Bullrope match. The pair would be tied together and the only way victory could be achieved was by touching all corners in quick succession. Unlike a normal bull rope, this one had a cheese grater in the middle. Calaway wasted no time in using the rope against Osbourne and prevented him from running away. Osbourne tried to work things to his advantage but Calaway always found a way to stop him. Sadly, this match ended quite quickly as Calaway’s leg gave out on a throw and the ref threw up the X. I honestly hope she’s okay and recovers well. It’s a shame that it struck so early, this match was going to kick ass. Once again, my best to Terra Calaway on her recovery.
Danny Havoc Hardcore Title: Bam Sullivan defeated Aiden Baal & Mouse via Door Valley Driver
It seems like The Extricated choose to fight each other a lot. The trio fought at HustleMania 3, Baal and Sullivan collided in the tournament, now they would all fight again for Sullivan’s title in another hardcore gem. Baal seemed especially fired-up in this one. He took things to new levels with Sullivan and Mouse as he started the fight and worked the crowd up. The plunder was aplenty and was used to great effect throughout the match. The trio worked with and against each other as the Title drove the three to dangerous new levels. Between bin lids, cookie sheets, barbed-wire, and more the pair pulled out all the stops to try and top their previous triple-threat without losing any teeth. Baal got to be the star of the show whilst Mouse and Sullivan worked to make sure there were no weak links throughout. There was a load to enjoy here with Bam being the bleeder, Mouse the underdog, and Baal the monster. This was excellent fun, I just wish the thumb-tack Nerf guns had returned, they still rank amongst the wildest spots I’ve seen in deathmatch history. Bam walked away the winner again after driving Mouse through a door with a DVD, once again proving no matter the odds, he’ll always keep his belt another day.
H2O Heavyweight Title: Chuck Payne defeated Ron Mathis (c) via Screwdriver
Last but not least, the main event. Chuck Payne finally got his title shot at Ron Mathis. After having his face scorched by a fireball and being screwed over time and time again by WTF, Payne was about to kill Mathis for the H2O Heavyweight Title. In fairness to Mathis, he had his ref working the match but he wanted to play it fair, well more accurately, he wanted to prove he could slay this monster. What played out was an incredibly fun, intense, and competitive bout as Mathis really did work his ass off to try and not only survive Payne’s onslaught of pain but to also use the ring and environment to his advantage in hurting Payne and controlling the match. He was still an obnoxious dick about it, but he wasn’t being a cheating obnoxious dick about it. Eventually, the fans and reality became too much for Mathis and he went for plan B after being nearly decapitated by a lariat. WTF rushed the ring and tried to interfere but the Kidz got rid of them. Mathis nailed Payne with the title but it still wasn’t enough, the Monster was enraged, he wasn’t going out that easy. The Keen Ref took out Papagiorgio so Mathis found himself fighting alone. Payne tanked his dying shots and hoisted Mathis up to drop him on his head with a Screwdriver. WTF no longer had a stranglehold on the titles and a Monster now reigned supreme. Mathis put his heart into this match but unfortunately for him, he wasn’t dealing with a human here, Payne is a monster.
H2O is entering another era now. WTF may cling to the tag gold but they don’t have the company in a stranglehold anymore. Payne stands at the top of the mountain and has an endless sea of challenges coming for him. With tournaments coming and more shows to plan, the company is going to be busier than ever. This show rocked from start to finish. I once again hope Calaway recovers well because I want to see her get to kick Kit Osbourne’s ass again. As part 2 of a double-bill, this show had a lot to live up to and honestly, it did it with ease. Nothing dragged, no match that went as planned sucked and we ended it all on a feelgood moment for the future. Until next time H2O!