Welcome back to Deathmatch Downunder. The Australian new kids on the block were all set to bring the pain in February but COVID was a bastard and we find ourselves looking at the ever-present postponement signs. However, the company did have something to offer. Wash Your Hands is a secret show that was filmed at Evie’s Disco, a retro bar with the brightest walls ever, with a selection of fun matches culminating in Joel Bateman taking on Damian Rivers in a Four Corners of Pain Deathmatch. There’s a bunch of matches to dissect so let’s get into the action!

Gore defeated FOX via Gutwrench Dominator

First up was to the ring was the Big Rig of Blacklisted, FOX, in action against the wilder (somehow) brother of KrackerJak, who hadn’t been paid enough to be present but we’ll pretend he was there as per his request, Gore. We had two big men ready to battle but only one was going to win. The pair started with some technical work as Gore took FOX down and FOX tried to work around it. A Judo throw and arm-lock later so FOX fighting off his back again as Gore looked like a technical monster as well as a physical one. Gore gave the crowd another display of his muscles and broke out of an ankle lock to apply one to FOX. The battle for technical dominance continued with Gore having a counter for anything FOX could throw. A striking battle broke out and FOX finally got his first successful takeover with a Snap Suplex. He’d found the advantage and he was keeping it with more strikes and a corner choke. He upped the ante with a hair pull slam and showed Gore what a man keeps under his kilt. A back elbow and more kilt shenanigans followed but FOX couldn’t keep Gore down. A failed chin-lock saw Gore elbow free and launch FOX across the ring with a T-Bone Suplex. A clothesline and Military Press Powerslam followed by attempted gutwrench but FOX reversed into a Black Hole Slam for two. FOX tried again with a Michinoku Driver but still only got two. The pair got to their feet and Gore got the gutwrench locked in and dumped FOX on his face with a Dominator for the win. This proved to be a great opening contest with more surprises and technical excellence than I’d have expected. Great showing from both guys here.

Corey Pierson defeated Valido via Crushing Green

e. That’s the good thing about DMDU, it introduces new people to me. It would be the Last Young Renegade, Corey Pierson against the Super-Charged Luchador Valido. Pierson had two years less in experience but he wasn’t going to let that stop him here, he’d already backhanded the ring announcer, Valido was next. They started with a lock-up and both ran the ropes with a Spicy sequence before Pierson put a stop to it all with a dropkick. Valido tried to come back with a hammerlock clothesline but Pierson escaped and kneed him in the head. Valido shook this off and dropped Pierson with a DDT, then started a drinking game with the crowd as he caved in Pierson’s chest with kicks. He missed a top rope double stomp and Pierson made him pay with a shotgun dropkick. Both guys fought up and Valido tried for the double stomp again after kicking Pierson’s head off. He connected but somehow Pierson kicked out. Valido shook off his disbelief and set up Pierson in the Tree of Woe for another double stomp. Pierson sent him crashing down and hit Crushing Green, the Frog Splash for the win. These two really went all out for this one. Valido was the crowd’s favourite and played along with them whilst forcing Pierson to work up and take the win. It had a nice pace and fun atmosphere even if it was a bit rough around the edges.

Hector Jones (w/Mitchell Wright) defeated Kurtis Day via Everlasting Gobstopper

After that, we got everyone’s “favourite” wrestler “Mr Wrestling” Michell Wright bringing Hector Jones to the ring for his match against the Oceanic Dream Kurtis Day. You knew what that meant, we had to hear the Fucking Safety Dance again. Jones and Wright were meant to be tagging at Smashing Sandcastles, the next event, so we’d get to see a bit of their chemistry here. Jones instantly proved to be as unlikable as his mentor by running down the crowd, deathmatches and booze so yeah, fuck him. This would be Day’s chance to make the crowd happy and make up for his Blacklisted loss. The pair started by overpowering each other into the corners with mocking clean breaks and Jones being a dick and kicking Day in the gut before beating him in the corner. Day ran the ropes and slugged Jones into a pair of arm-drags. Jones quickly caught Day into a submission hold and took liberal advantage of the five-count. The pair went counter for counter on pins and Jones kicked Day down. Day was out of it so Jones continued to use him as a punching bag until Day finally started punching back. Wright interjected himself into the match and Jones took advantage with a sidewalk slam. Another corner beatdown followed and Jones dragged Day face-first along the ropes. He then reached the upper-echelon of dickhead by giving Day a lackadaisical slam and even cockier pin. Day finally found his second win and hammered Jones with a comeback combo of strikes and kicks that ended in a Shining Wizard. He tried to follow-up with the elbow drop but once again, that dickhead Wright was ready to interfere. Jones realised how close to losing he’d come and took the win with the Everlasting Gobstopper. Jones had picked up a win thanks to his mentor after taking Day rather lightly. You claim to be wrestling for integrity, there ain’t no integrity in cheating fellas.

Sadly, this might just be the last time we see Day in a ring, he announced a couple of days after the show he had suffered a concussion and out of fear for his health, retired from wrestling. All the best for the future man.

Callen Butcher defeated York via Executioner Elbow

Next up, we had Callen Butcher having his first non-death match in DMDU. The Nobody would be taking on the hulking Toto Fan, York. The weight of the World as he had called himself wasn’t endearing himself to the crowd, who were already behind Butcher. It started with fists and forearms and went into a nasty overhand chopping contest, Butcher even opening his gear to give York a better shot. The gloves came off and Butcher stunned York into the corner with knife-edge chops. A corner splash followed but York anticipated a second and tripped Butcher into the turnbuckle. York didn’t waste time and splashed Butcher in the corner, crumpling him into the mat. He rushed him again with a corner cannonball and choked him out on the rope. The ref pulled him away so York hit another crushing splash against the ropes. Butcher struck back and lit up York with strikes, then slammed York into the mat. York dodged the Execution Elbow and dropped Butcher on his head with a German. He went to the top for a super senton but Butcher rolled away and floored York with shoulder tackles into a clothesline. The pair threw more bombs at each other with York finally taking Butcher down with a gut kick. Butcher was straight back up for more trading and KO’ed York with an STO knee strike and ended it with the Executioner Elbow. Butcher had won his first DMDU match and hadn’t had to use tubes to do so. This proved to be a fast and furious whilst also entertaining little hoss fight. More York please. I’ll also be looking forward to my next Butcher deathmatch, he’s currently one of my favourites from the company.

Misspent Youth (Aysha & Murdoch) defeated Royce Chambers & Zane Zodiac via Package Piledriver on Chambers

Misspent Youth were back in action next with Murdoch getting to a shot at his Smashing Sandcastles opponent the Airbender Royce Chambers. Both men weren’t alone as Murdoch had his trusty partner Aysha and Chambers had the Atmospheric Zane Zodiac in his corner. Chambers started off by being cocky in the face of Murdoch so Murdoch tried to take advantage with a quick roll-up. Chambers tried to pick up the pace but Murdoch stopped this with a dropkick and both tagged. Aysha and Zodiac went counter for counter until Zodiac blasted her with a dropkick. He kipped-up and went for a corner splash but Aysha dropped him into the turnbuckle with a head-scissor. She dropped him on his face with a bulldog and tagged out for a double-team hurricanrana and toe-hold/senton combo. They hit a final codebreaker/backbreaker combo on Zodiac and Aysha left the ring. Murdoch got distracted and ate an enzuigiri from Zodiac. He tagged and Chambers came in to pick the bones of Murdoch. Chambers continued his cocky dick shtick from earlier whilst throwing in a standing Shooting Star Press and Snap Suplex on Murdoch. He tagged Zodiac and the pair worked over Murdoch with a slingshot senton backbreaker. Murdoch kicked out so Zodiac wasted no time with a snapmare dropkick for another two. Zodiac didn’t take to kindly to being flipped off and snapped Murdoch’s finger, then held Murdoch in place for a dropkick from Chambers. The torture continued with a wet willy and multiple shoulder breakers before having salt blown in his eyes and a nasty DDT.

Zodiac came back in and continued to punish Murdoch’s head with more kicks but Murdoch collided with him and both men fell to the mat. The hot tag came and Aysha took out Chambers with leaping clotheslines and a Cazadora Bulldog. She reversed Chambers’ kick and leapt onto him for a Code Red. Murdoch made the tag and tried to clear Zodiac with a package piledriver but Zodiac sent him away with a spin kick and ate a spinning heel kick from Aysha. Chambers took advantage of the confusion with a spinning gutwrench slam and threw Zodiac into a DDT on Murdoch. Chambers fucked up the pin and Murdoch survived again. Aysha returned and took out Chambers but Zodiac dived onto both Misspent Youths with a balcony Swanton. He tried to dive onto Aysha outside but she cut him off whilst Chambers hit a ripcord head kick and running stomp on Murdoch. However, he missed a 450 splash so Murdoch made him pay with a twisting spike DDT, the Yeet Kick and ended the match with the Package Piledriver. After an insanely good match, Murdoch had managed to deliver a massive fuck you to Chambers ahead of Smashing Sandcastles and picked up a big tag team win to continue Misspent Youth’s tournament momentum.

Four Corners of Pain: Damian Rivers defeated Joel Bateman via Knife-Stabbing Camel Clutch

Last but not least, it was time for some gore. Four corners of different deathmatch tools. Four corners of fuckery and four corners of pain. Joel Bateman was looking to rebound from his loss to Gweedo at the last show and get back on the right foot whilst Damian Rivers looked to continue proving why he was the most dangerous man in Australia. We had the ill-fated cut can door, a barbed-wire board, light-tubes and another fiendish contraption lining the corners as well as a bevvy of other toys around the ring. It was time to get bloody. Rivers wasted no time starting nicely and tried to throw Bateman into both the cut-cans and the barbed-wire. Bateman dodged both and knocked Rivers outside with a clothesline. The fight broke to the outside as Callen Butch handed Bateman a staple gun and Bateman dragged Rivers around the bar to the balcony. Every now and then, Bateman would keep Rivers subdued with another staple in the head and tried to throw Rivers off the balcony. Rivers clung on and stapled Bateman but neither man could take the advantage. Rivers fled but Bateman gave chase and gave Rivers more staples. Back in-ring, Rivers kicked Bateman in the gut and threw Bateman onto the barbed-wire. The cling-film box was back and Rivers started raking the blade across Bateman’s forehead. He moved the box down and raked it across Bateman’s mouth, then brought down carpet strips on Bateman’s head and back.

A carpet strip Camel Clutch came next and Rivers tanked Bateman’s comeback kicks and punches to sandwich him in the corner with a fragment of the barbed-wire board. Bateman collapsed into the opposing corner and baited Rivers in for a Side Russian Leg Sweep on the cut-can board. The pair broke chairs over the other’s head, then Bateman charged Rivers with a tube. Rivers dodged but Bateman cleverly put the tube down and dumped Rivers with a Back Suplex. Rivers fell into the corner so Bateman gave him a bundle and smashed it through him with a basement dropkick. Bateman kicked another chair into Rivers face and made a stabbing contraption with another. He covered the chair contraption with carpet strips and dropped Rivers across it with the Old-School Explosion, a twisting neckbreaker. Bateman went for a second using a bundle instead of strips but Rivers reversed and slammed Bateman through the tubes and chairs. Bateman kicked out so Rivers tried to suffocate him with the cling-film, then hit Bateman with a stump Piledriver onto the glass pile. Bateman kicked out at one so Rivers dragged out a knife board and forearmed the shit out of Bateman. He stabbed one of the knives into Bateman’s head and hit a second Piledriver onto the knife board. instead of going for the pin, he locked on the Camel Clutch again and stabbed the knife back into Bateman’s head until he tapped.

That ended the show with a bang as Damian Rivers remains undefeated in DMDU. He took a hell of a beating from Bateman but really turned up the sadism in the final stretch to seal the deal and take Bateman to 0-2. It was an excellent little deathmatch and showcased more of the brutality both men are capable of. Whilst it was a sad end for Bateman, it ended the show on an impactful match with Bateman needing to prove himself even more. Smashing Sandcastles might be postponed but this was just as much a showcase for the talent at DMDU’s disposal as that show would have been. I cannot wait for things to get back on track so I can keep enjoying their shows. Also, shoutout to the iron ref of the event Jay Stevens. The company has all the potential in the world and no filler to their cards. If you’re not watching DMDU, then what the fuck are you doing?

All images courtesy of DMDU Twitter, Jake Hurdle Photography  

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