WARNING: STRONG VIOLENCE AND LANGUAGE AHEAD

Welcome back to Deathmatch Downunder. It’s been a minute since we last got our hands on some deathmatch madness and strong style violence from my favourite Australian company. Smashing Sandcastles brings us Joel Bateman’s Challenge to Charli Evans, Callen Butcher, and a mystery partner battling Gweedo and York, Mad Dog vs FOX amongst barbed-wire and tacks, Gore vs Caveman Ugg, JXT vs Richie Taylor, Robbie Eagles vs Mark Davis and so much more. it’s a packed show of blood and beatings so let’s waste no more time and get into the murder.

Caribbean Spider Web and Tack Pit match: Mad Dog defeated FOX via Tack Cobra Clutch

Talk about starting with a nasty one. Up first was the Australian deathmatch legend Mad Dog was battling the Big Rig of Blacklisted, FOX in a match of thumbtacks, and then horrendous weapon in a Caribbean Spider web of barbed-wire. It would be a battle of endurance and blood loss as these two weren’t going to quit easily. There were no introductions as Mad Dog attacked instantly and the pair danced around the tack pit. The chain and technical wrestling continued as Mad Dog bridged into the pit and the pair battled to the outside. The pair stabbed each other up with a fork as FOX chatted shit into the camera. Dog headbutted back and reversed a backslide to send FOX into the tacks. He locked in an Octopus but FOX folded it into a slam and dumped Dog in the pit. FOX made it worse by locking on a crab whilst Dog was still in the pit. Dog broke free with a spin kick and dumped FOX in the tacks with a powerslam. They fought to the apron and after trading punches, FOX sent Dog tumbling into the barbed-wire. Dog shook this off and the two beat the shit out of each other with new fervour in the ring. Dog slammed FOX into the mat but FOX wiggled free and curb-stomped Dog into the tacks, then gave him the Black Hole Slam. They both re-arranged the furniture and bounced off the barbed-wire-covered corner. He gave FOX some corner punches and slammed him through the pit with a Tiger Slam. Dog locked on a Cobra Clutch and FOX had no choice but to tap. This was a purely chaotic opener and an excellent tone-setter for the show. It was violent fun with a nice but of technicality for good measure.

DMDU Tag Tournament Round 1: The Anti-Deathmatch Party (“Mr. Wrestling” Mitchell Wright & Hector Jones) defeated Rose Beef (Charli Rose & RXsP) via Everlasting Gobstopper German on Rose

Oh, great here comes the fucking Safety Dance again. That could only mean one thing, it was time for the Anti-Deathmatch Party. Mr. Wrestling Mitchell Wright and his protégé Hector Jones were there to defend “proper” wrestling in the tag title tournament against the team of RAW Beef’s RXsP and the woman who accepted the open invitation, Charli Rose. She was originally meant to face the Anti-Deathmatch Party so it was nice to see her get the chance again. RXsP and Wright started things but Wright couldn’t handle the beef and demanded Rose come in. Wright still struggled to contain Rose but by being a dick, he was able to knock her down. She came back hard and faceplanted him into the mat. Jones tagged in and demanded the Beef. Rose gave him what he wanted and RXsP slammed Jones into the canvas before dragging him back up and dropkicking him back down. Wright made a blind tag and attacked RXsP from behind. The ADP attacked RXsP’s legs but he refused to stay down and took out both with a double clothesline. He made the tag and Rose went wild, decimating both with a bulldog/clothesline combo. Caity Luxe, Rose’s original tag partner appeared and helped Jones as Rose and RXsP attacked Wright. Jones threw out RXsP and Luxe distracted Rose so the ADP could win with an Everlasting Gobstopper German. I can’t believe the ADP won. They had help and spent a lot of the match getting their ass handed to them but damn, Luxe joined the bad side and got them the win. Enjoyable match but damn it, I’m going to have to see the smug dicks in the next round of the tournament.

DMDU Tag Tournament Round 1: Kid Valiant & Zane Zodiac defeated The Toast of the Upper Crust (Atlas Whittaker & Darcy Moss) via Meet in the Middle on Moss

The right time for some new faces to me. I’d seen Zane Zodiac impress at Wash Your Hands but the rest were all new to me. Who was going to take the next spot in those semi-finals would it be Zodiac and the Psychedelic Kid Valiant, the high-flyers, or Moss and Whittaker, the Toast of the Upper Crust? Whittaker and Valiant started with Whittaker showing a brief power advantage before Valiant ran circles around him with speed and agility. He tagged and Zodiac made his presence felt with a slingshot senton. He continued to keep Whittaker off-guard and downed him with a dropkick. Whittaker attacked both as they made another tag, driving Valiant into his corner to bring in Moss. The intrepid one overpowered him but once again Valiant was able to use his speed to send himself and his opponent flying. Moss tagged out and prevented Valiant from climbing to the top. Valiant wanted to make him pay by diving on him but Moss caught him and slammed him onto the entrance ramp. The quick tags continued as Whittaker and Moss went to work on the wounded Valiant, specifically going to work on his spine. Valiant tried to escape but Whittaker scooped him up into a backbreaker. Valiant kicked free again and made the tag to Zodiac who came out swinging. He sent Whittaker flying and nearly decapitated Moss with a head kick. He KO’ed Moss with a stalling Shooting Star Press but Whittaker made the save and the pair tried to win with an assisted O’Connor roll. Valiant stopped this and took out Whittaker with an apron slide kick and stage curb stomp. He returned to the ring to help Zodiac end the match with dual superkicks and the Meet in the Middle knee/kick combo. They had fought from below and taken the win with an emphatic statement. Both teams hit hard and impressed but it was a real showcase for the high flyers here. I do want more of Whittaker and Moss too though as both are entertaining as hell.

Caveman Ugg defeated Gore (w/Krackerjak) via Staple-gun Strike

Big boy battle time. Caveman Ugg and Gore had a match on the original DMDU tour and now, it was time for the epic rematch since Steph de Lander sadly couldn’t be there. These two were going to mess each other up. Gore has been unstoppable thus far in DMDU, was Ugg about to end that? Krackerjak was his usual bastard self before the match and didn’t make the promo he was paid to do. The pair opened with some shoving, then went straight to trying to cave in the other’s chest with forearms. This upgraded to clotheslines as the pair went shot for shot. Gore tried to go for a kneebar but Ugg bit into his knee. The forearms returned and a stunned Ugg was sent into the corner. Gore charged but Ugg dodged and launched Gore across the ring with a Monkey flip. It was Ugg’s turn to miss a charge and Gore made him pay with a huge T-Bone Suplex. Gore tried for another submission but Ugg clawed his way out of the ring. They fought onto the stage and traded more earth-shattering tackles. Ugg finally knocked down Gore and returned to the ring but Gore wasn’t done yet and locked on an ankle lock through the ropes. Ugg kicked free and hoisted Gore into the Crucifix position for a Splash Mountain over the ropes and back into the ring. Krackerjak struck Ugg and instantly regretted it, running for his life and leading Ugg right into a Gutwrench Suplex from Gore. He gave Gore a staple-gun but this wasn’t a no-DQ match so it caused a distraction. Ugg capitalised and hit the Tour of the Caves for the win. Well, it would have been but Krackerjak distracted the ref again. Ugg hammered Gore in the head with the staple-gun and got the win. Krackerjak had doubly sealed his brother’s demise and caused the Snuff King’s first DMDU loss. This right here kids, is why you don’t interject yourself into a sprint match between two big men. They can do the fighting and you just look like a wanker. Jokes aside, this match rocked and I want it to be a three-match series.

Robbie Eagles defeated Mark Davis via Ron Miller Special

Okay, how’s this for a star power match. Robbie Eagles, the Sniper of the Skies who broke into NJPW and is now a CHAOS member battling Mark Davis, Dunkzilla, and the powerhouse of Aussie Open. These two are stars all over the world and were now throwing down in DMDU. It was going to be one hell of a Styles Clash though as Eagles was going to have to dodge the raw power of Davis. The pair started technically with Davis taking umbrage with a corner chest kick. He tried to rip Eagles’ leg off and continued to keep him grounded with more technical work. Eagles backed him into the ropes and took out his leg with another stiff kick. This being even more problematic as it was a recently repaired leg too. Davis got pissed and mauled Eagles in the corner but Eagles launched him with an arm-drag and ran the ropes for a Rana but Davis stunned even him by cartwheeling out and slamming him into the mat. Eagles made Davis bail with another jumping Pelé kick and survived a powerbomb attempt to hit another Rana on the outside. The stiff kicks continued as Eagles beat Davis around ringside but Davis undid all his hard work by throwing him into the guardrail. Back in-ring Davis missed an elbow drop and took even more shots to the chest. Eagles charged him in the corner but Davis crushed him with a whoopie cushion. It was Davis’ turn to beat down Eagles as he methodically devastated him with kicks and chops.

A senton and neckbreaker followed before Davis tried to make Eagles submit by bending his spine. Eagles kicked free of the corner and took out Davis’ knee for a lethal clothesline to the back of the head. The stiff trades returned and Eagles took control with a nasty combo of corner knees and kicks. It didn’t last though as Davis caught him off the ropes into a slingshot powerbomb for a two-count. Davis was in Schadenfreude mode and berated Eagles to his feet before both men went down after trading a Poisonrana for a back elbow and clothesline. Davis threw Eagles into the corner again for the machine gun punch and dragged him up into a Swiss Army Knife. The trading returned as Eagles went for the legs and Davis went for the Knockout. Eagles butchered the leg and Davis dragged him up for a modified Tiger Bomb and double-arm crossface. Eagles made the ropes and hit the springboard dropkick and Warp 4.5 to the knee before locking in the Ron Miller Special for the win. Davis had given Eagles hell but he couldn’t stand the punishment to his knees and had to tap. This was one hell of an epic match and hopefully not the last one between the pair. Though Davis did tease he might not be suited for the singles shtick…

Bring Your Own Boards and Cinderblocks: Callen Butcher & Vixsin defeated Gweedo & York via Roll-Up on Gweedo

It was time for more deathmatch action. Callen Butcher had been issued a tag team deathmatch and needed to find a partner to battle the evil York and UGWA Total Violence Champ Gweedo. He had chosen well as he brought out another Australian deathmatch superstar Vixsin. Gweedo and York had brought gusset and carpet strip boards. Butcher and Vixsin had a board of fucking safety pins, a first for me. There were no introductions as Butcher and York took the fight outside and Vixsin chopped it out with Gweedo. She put Gweedo through a barbed-wire board with a crossbody as Butcher attacked York with inflatables. Vixsin stabbed Gweedo in the head with his knife and Butcher continued the beatdown on York. Gweedo fought back with uppercuts and spiked Vixsin in the head. Butcher freed Vixsin and started slugging at Gweedo, then took a cinderblock to the head from York as Gweedo slid out to dropkick Vixsin. They brawled outside as York beat down Butcher with more cinder blocks before sacrificing his own body with a cinderblock senton. He jarred his leg missing a cinderblock curb stomp and hit Butcher with a backstabber. Vixsin made the save and slugged it out with York. He knocked her into the barbed-wire board and crushed it onto her with another senton. He did the same with the bare board by hitting Butcher with a corner senton. Gweedo tried to interject but Vixsin bounced him off the ring post. He looked to have the advantage when Vixsin tossed him from the top through a gusset board. By this time, York and Butcher were on their feet and throwing hands once again. York stunned Butcher with a running knee but the second went horribly wrong for him as Butcher caught him and slammed him onto the safety pins. York bailed and Vixsin followed him out with a dive. Gweedo attacked Butcher from behind and stabbed a safety pin through his lip, then a gusset into his head. Gweedo went for The Amityville Horror when Butcher reversed it and rolled him up for the win. Butcher had stolen a win over the UGWA Total Violence Champion after a gruelling match. This fucking rocked and it was nice to finally see Vixsin in action. Also, fuck safety pins, that landing looked awful. Butcher is coming for that belt and Vixsin made one hell of a challenge we’ll discuss later.

JXT defeated Ritchie Taylor via Blacklisted Pin

Ah, the promos for this match were not very PG. Both guys here hate each other and there was no love lost as both guys think the other sucks. JXT is the cocky one whilst Taylor is more of a traditionalist. Now it was time for them to clash. Taylor wasn’t waiting for the introductions and smashed JXT around ringside. JXT kicked back and instantly took to the commentary table to brag about it. Taylor dodged the follow-up and went back to his beating. JXT threw Taylor to the ramp and charged only for Taylor to dump him on the ramp with a back body drop. The bell rang and Taylor continued to kill JXT in the ring, throwing him across the ring with an Exploder. JXT bailed so Taylor followed with a dive but JXT caught him out of the ring and slammed him on the apron. He drove Taylor shoulder first into the ring post and dragged him into it a second time. JXT found his target and continued trying to break the shoulder. He fought out of a brainbuster with a Crispy kick and continued to bully Taylor with more kicks and cockiness. Taylor smashed him with more forearms but JXT countered again into a slam and arm-breaker. The arm-assault continued but the mocking grew too much and Taylor exploded with more forearms before dropping JXT on his head with a rebound German. He caught JXT with a second dive and hit him with a missile dropkick. FOX came out to survey the scene, annoying Taylor in the process. JXT recovered and hit the Crispy Cutter into the Crispy Lock but Taylor broke free into a roll-up punt kick and lariat. JXT bit free of a superplex attempt but missed the elbow drop and stood up into a rolling elbow. He went for the brainbuster but FOX tripped him and JXT scored the pin as FOX held him down. This was one hell of a fight between the pair with JXT stealing the win from a fired-up Taylor. Once again, wits and a bit of cheating go a long way for Blacklisted.

Things went from bad to worse for Taylor as seconds later he got mocked by Krackerjack and Team Snuff. They’d been told to hype up a match for next month so that’s just what they did. Taylor fought both off until Krackerjak broke retirement rules and broke Taylor in half with Britney Spears. Gore picked the bones and the hype job was done.

Royce Chambers defeated Murdoch (w/Aysha) via Spinal Tap

The hate train continues as we get to our second grudge match. The Airbender Royce Chambers had nothing but disdain for Ya Boy Murdoch and after eating a loss to him in a tag match last month, was even more fired up to kill him. This was going to be a grudge match for the ages with the odds fairly weighted for both men. Murdoch started strong and Chambers had to take a breather outside. The pair ran the ropes and Chambers used his speed to throw Murdoch around. The fight broke outside and Chambers beat him around ringside throwing in a flipping strike for good measure. Chambers got too cocky and took a seat so Murdoch hit an apron cannonball through it and Chambers. Murdoch hit him with a single-shoulder backbreaker and Chambers rebounded with a double stomp. He continued to assault Murdoch with stomp-kicks and cockily beat Murdoch around the ring as he tanked Murdoch’s comeback and dodged the Yeet kick. Murdoch freed himself from a corner with uppercuts and charged Chambers with splashes and a high boot. He beat Chambers at his own game and flattened him with a running Shooting Star Press. The pair traded running attacks, then Chambers took out the knee for a Gutwrench Slam. Murdoch bailed again and Chambers followed with a Super tope. Back in-ring, Murdoch caught Chambers off the ropes and the pair fought up top. Ref Jay Stevens broke up the exchange but Murdoch climbed back up and hit a cutter to the ropes. He followed up with a cannonball for a two count. The two countered into devastating moves and Murdoch nailed the Yeet kick into a snap Package Piledriver for another two. He missed a moonsault and Chambers made him pay with a corner charge into a cartwheel Kappu Kick. He followed up with the Damn Straight Driver and Spinal Tap for a one-count. Chambers hit a ripcord head kick into a second Damn Straight Driver and springboard Spinal Tap for the win. Chambers had to throw everything at Murdoch to get him down. Whilst he may not have won, Murdoch showed he is one of the most heart-filled guys on the DMDU roster. This was a gif-tastrophe of a match but also insane fun and well-paced.

Before the main event, we got two things. The first being a massive reveal as Erin Dick revealed the next title belt in DMDU, The Heavyweight Championship. But who will hold such a belt? Well, that’s going to be decided in a two-day 16-person tournament on May 21st and 22nd at The Juice is Worth the Squeeze. That is going to be a blinder of a tournament. The second was even more entertaining for me as the ADP tried to derail the main even in full hazmat suits. They tried to smash all the tubes on the ropes but they were stopped by Charli Rose who wanted payback for earlier. She broke a tube over Mitchell Wright and sent the ADP packing. What a hero!

Last Drinks Deathmatch: Charli Evans defeated Joel Bateman via Glass Pane Ocean Cyclone Suplex

Last but not least, the main event. Joel Bateman personally challenged Charli Evans to this match. Now it was time for the last drinks and both to bleed. This wasn’t going to get ugly. Bateman is a deathmatch veteran but Charli Evans has already bled with the best. My excitement was through the roof for this. They toasted their match with a drink and opened with a slugfest. Bateman downed Evans with a stiff forearm and dumped her through a pool table with a DVD. He moved a glass pane into the ring and rearranged some furniture. He threw Evans back into the ring and she paid that back with chest kicks. They fought over a Suplex onto a cut-can board and Bateman stunned her with a punch, then tripped her onto it, face-first. Bateman continued to carve her up with a cut-can and snapped her with the Rude Awakening. He dropped her with two more and started bending her ankle when she wouldn’t stay down. He applied a Camel Clutch and returned the can to her head, cutting away again. She wouldn’t give so he set up some ring lights on a chair. He whipped Evans towards the chair but she stopped herself and drove him face-first through the ring lights with a flatliner.

She drove the can-board into him with a face-wash and drove him through another tube with a Bridging Fisherman Suplex. It was Bateman’s turn to get carved up as Evans took a broken tube to his head and kicked another into his back. She delivered a second tube-to-back kick and choked Bateman out on the ropes. As if it couldn’t get any worse, she poured some lime juice over the cuts and squeezed it into his eyes. Bateman reversed a whip into an uppercut and the pair threw more hands and elbows before going for kicks, Bateman scoring the win with a Gamengiri. The pair took a seat and had a barfight. Evans fired-up and booted Bateman out of his seat, then got kicked into the ropes and skewered. With a head full of skewers, she ducked a tube and gave Bateman a head full of skewers too. The two traded headbutts and Evans scored a near-fall with a Suplex. She set up the glass pane in-ring and the pair fought around it as Bateman unleashed Kawada kicks. He retrieved a pack of darts and used Evans as a human dartboard then stabbed her in the head with another with a clothesline. He hit the Designated Driver onto a tube but it only got two. Evans broke free of Bateman’s grasp, broke a bundle over his head, and downed him with a clothesline. He kicked out at one and another slugfest broke out. Evans paid tribute to one of her heroes with a bundle back-fist to the future and hoisted him into an electric chair for the Ocean Cyclone Suplex through the glass pane. That got three and Evans had bested Bateman in his own promotion in the main event deathmatch.

Holy shit was this awesome. An absolute massacre of awesome wrestling, graphic violence, and throwbacks to past deathmatch and wrestling stars. Both fighters gave it their all and slowly built up a crescendo of violent wrestling. Evans went from beaten down to beating down and bested Bateman at his own game to win with a throwback to a wrestling icon in Manami Toyota. This rocked and currently ranks in my match of the year list. It closed out an amazing show and now we have even more to look forward to as Not Here to Fuck Spiders is next month and Bateman is going all-out to redeem himself by accepting Vixsin’s no-rope barbed-wire match challenge. Shit is going to get wild and stay wild. As you can see, I thoroughly loved this show and hope to hell the company keeps this momentum going.

All images courtesy of Deathmatch Downunder, Digital Beard, Jake Hurdle Photography, Kayden, JaykifAU