WARNING: STRONG VIOLENCE AND LANGUAGE AHEAD
The 44OH! invasion is well underway now. We’ve seen the black and green goons target Tremont’s school of hard knocks since Rickey Shane Page retired him and now, those attacks are ramping up. H2O needed to crush them and they might just have their chance. Every member bar Eddy Only (please come back, we miss you) is in action tonight with Atticus Cogar looking to destroy Lowlife Louie, The Young Studs battle the Grimy Bastards, Gregory Iron goes one-on-one with Marcus Mathers and Rickey Shane Page has a first time ever match against G-Raver. Alongside that, we’ll see The Danny Havoc Hardcore title and the H2O Heavyweight Title defended and the return of a very old match stipulation. Let’s get into the violence.
Hardcore Kingdom Qualifier: Atticus Cogar defeated Lowlife Louie Ramos via Brain Haemorrhage
Up first was our first taste of 44OH! in action tonight. Atticus Cogar, the skewer usurper had bested MASADA and now he was out to crush another deathmatch icon, Lowlife Louie. With this being a qualifier for Hardcore Kingdom V, we were fighting under deathmatch rules. It was going to get bloody. These two started with fists and brawling before escalating to crowd fighting and fuckery shots. Cogar used a cookie tray to stun Louie and took him to the air with a Suicide Dive. He hung Louie in the ropes and dumped him on a razor-board with a springboard Moonsault. Cogar continued to smash the razors into Louie’s back and cut into his head. Louie fired up off seeing his own blood and gave Cogar a forking. Louie hit the big elbow, the big knee and locked in a face-cutting STF. Cogar hit low and gave Louie a skewering but made the mistake of insulting Louie’s family. Louie wasn’t having this and headbutted Cogar half to death before they both hit the mat off a double clothesline. Cogar found his feet first and sent Louie flying through a knife-board but failed a second whip and Louie threw him through a can-board with a hip-toss. He set up another board but Cogar hit low and drove Louie through it with a double stomp. Cogar smashed Louie’s head through a monitor and Louie hulked up off a disrespectful pin. Cogar ate the big boot and a huge clothesline but was still able to kick out of the big leg drop. Cogar kicked free of Louie, hit the Skewerperkick and ended him with the Brain Haemorrhage. Cogar has punched his ticket to Hardcore Kingdom but it wasn’t an easy fight and Louie lived up to his hardcore icon status. This was an awesome opener and deliver a nice dose of blood and fuckery. Fuck 44OH! Count: 1
The Young Studs (Eric Ryan & Bobby Beverly) defeated The Grimy Bastards (Deklan Grant & Devon Moore) via Double Brainbuster on Grant
Up next was another dose of 44OH! as the newly dubbed Young Studs or Ryan and Beverly as we mostly know them were taking on the most loved, slightly reviled and always scrappy Grimy Bastards. Grant and Moore had been drafted to defend H2O from 44OH! but could they best the Studs? I was loving the new FUCK OHIO shirts the Bastards were rocking. Ryan and Beverly started with some excellent displays of teamwork as the pair overpowered Grant. He made the tag and Moore ran circles around Beverly, smashing him into the mat with a Tornado DDT. Grant hit both with a dive and 44OH! quickly regained control by overpowering Moore and smashing down Grant. Moore became a punching bag for 44OH! until he was able to escape from Beverly with a Cutter. Grant got the hot tag as Beverly tagged in Ryan and lit up Ryan with kicks into a Cutter. He almost scored the win with a teardrop powerbomb and Moore took out Beverly with a diving crossbody. Moore took himself out and Grant tried to fight off both 44OH! members. They mauled Grant and took Moore out with a double head kick. Ryan missed a corner cannonball and Grant tried for a desperation roll-up on Beverly. He kicked out and bounced Grant off of Moore and ended the match by hitting a double brainbuster with Ryan. 44OH! had picked up their second win in a row as we got to see just how deadly a unit Beverly and Ryan are. Tag Team Divisions beware, there’s a new storm on the horizon. Fuck 44OH! Count: 2
Gregory Iron defeated Marcus Mathers via Snap Flatliner
You sick of 44OH! yet? Well, you will be as we have to see Gregory Iron in action next. He was about to take on Marcus Mathers, one of the top rising stars and one of the company’s hearts. Iron winning would be an upset, could he manage it? Both guys started with some technical skill and veteran tricks. Iron bailed away from the kip-up cutter so Mathers took him out with a Suicide Dive and took too much time to enjoy the crowd’s adoration. Luckily, Iron failed to capitalise and Mathers dumped him with a German. Iron trapped Mathers on the top buckle and drilled him with a tree of woe dropkick. From there, Iron did what he does best, piss people off as he beat down Mathers. Every time it looked like Mathers was going to get back into it, Iron had an answer, be that a Thesz Press, senton combo or Samoan Drop. Mathers got pissed off by Iron tea-bagging him and smashed down Iron with stiff strikes and kicks. The pair continued to unload on each other and Mathers hit a Fisherman’s Suplex into an Air Raid Crash. He continued to kick Iron’s chest in and Iron caught Mathers off the ropes with a flying forearm. He postured to the crowd and Mathers finally nailed the kip-up Cutter. He tried to end Iron with a double-jump Moonsault but Iron kicked out. Iron caught Mathers with a codebreaker and Mathers reversed a piledriver into a jack-knife pin. The pair kept countering until Iron caught Mathers into a Snap Flatliner for the win. It had been an excellent fight, one of the best I’ve seen from Iron in ages but it had been 44OH! to pick up another win. Mathers had brought that fire but it couldn’t burn away Iron’s experience and tenacity. Iron may be a bitch but he was no joke here. Fuck 44OH! Count: 3
Good Housekeeping Deathmatch: Mickie Knuckles defeated Jimmy Lyon via Water Jug from Hell
I have to make a confession. Despite her impact on the business and the history, she’s made, I’ve never had the pleasure of seeing Mickie Knuckles in action. That changes now as she battles Jimmy Lyon in a Good Housekeeping Deathmatch. Lyon has been undefeated for months but Knuckles had brought two battle axes and looked to change that. Lyon had asked for this and now he had it. Powered by MD 20/20 he went to war, angered by the fire she’d spat at him. They started off by smashing each other with bleach bottles and Knuckles tried to choke out Lyon with a mop she’d broken off his head. She gusseted his head and the pair went headbutt wild. Lyon remained defiant so Knuckles smashed him in the head with a pan. This woke him up and Lyon bounced the stop sign off her head, then got some Hardcore Justice with a toaster. Knuckles got stabbed by a gusset mop and Lyon broke a water jug covered in plastic forks over her back. Knuckles got her own back with hard strikes and tried to mash Lyon’s face with a plunger. She upped the ante by smashing his head in a porch light and sacrificed her own well-being to hit a fence board senton. The rubber chicken, Cluck Hogan, reappeared and was whipped back-and-forth across Lyon’s face so Lyon responded by hitting Knuckles in the ass with a spatula and a gusset. He broke a plant pot over her head and Lyon went down when she headbutted one into him. The pair went for a Junkyard Dog headbutt fight and Knuckles saved her brain with an eye poke. Lyon flew into the fence board off a German and ended things with a Pumphandle driver onto a fuckery ironing board into one final water jug shot. This was insane. A high-impact, bloody bout of fuckery, headbutts and two veterans proving they can still go. I loved this.
Austin Luke defeated Brandon Kirk via Crossface
Ah, Brandon Kirk. The Rogue with a big mouth and bigger lariats. He had been battling the H2O students and found himself in the ring with another one, the anti-hero Austin Luke. Unless you’re a member of 44OH! you’re always going to be a hero if you’re paired against Kirk. Could Luke get this big win? Kirk couldn’t start the match without taking to the mat and delivering a very special fuck you message to Mittens. Luke charged and was met by an instant boot and Piledriver from Kirk. He tossed Luke into a corner and started throwing short-arm lariats. Luke wouldn’t stay down so Kirk stomped and clawed his face, then the pair struck it out. Both guys traded bombs and Luke dropped Kirk with a Regal-plex. The pair fought to the apron and Luke dumped Kirk with a brainbuster onto it. Luke repaid Kirk’s face clawing and reversed another lariat into a Dragon Suplex. Kirk booted him in the face and delivered a Dragon of his own, then took his head off in the corner. He slammed Luke with an inverted GTS, driving his boot into Luke’s back and tried to superplex Luke to the concrete floor. Luke headbutted free and lit up Kirk with Kawada Kicks, then ended the match with the Tower of London into a Crossface. Luke had picked up a massive win here over an opponent everyone loves to see fail. Kirk is a master villain and made this match all the more fun. It’s nice seeing him outside the fuckery bouts as he can really wrestle.
H2O Heavyweight Title: Chuck Payne defeated Casanova Valentine via Door Crash Clothesline
Time for a hoss fight. Casanova Valentine was back in H2O and he was picking up right where he left off, trying to establish himself as the top guy in the company. To do that, he’d set his sights on Chuck Payne and that Heavyweight Title. Would Valentine rock the foundations of H2O by claiming that title in his return or would Payne be able to best him? Payne instantly charged Valentine and the pair threw hands. Payne made Valentine bail with a massive John Woo and mauled him against the ring post. Payne collided with the ring post and the two brawled around ringside. Valentine was bounced off the wall and the two went right back to brawling. Valentine was finally stopped by a meeting with the ring post and Payne brought out a table. Valentine was a bloody mess so Payne bounced a beer of his head and got a chair but Valentine crotched him on the ropes on the way back in. He dropped Payne with a DDT and hammered him with the chair. Valentine took the Garden Weasel to Payne and gave Payne a crimson mask to go with his regular one. The pair went counter crazy and Valentine was driven into the mat with a Chokeslam. Valentine snapped Payne’s spine in the ropes and took his face off with a superkick. He tried to put Payne through a door but Payne dodged and Valentine met the door, then the clothesline for the three-count. This had been a fight, pure and simple. Valentine had come back with a vengeance and pushed the champ further than anyone else. This was fast, furious and vicious. The perfect little title match but it wasn’t enough for Valentine, who attacked post-match, dumping Payne on a chair with an overhead belly to belly. We also got a special appearance from Tim Donst to say he wasn’t coming back, Tim Donst’s safety first.
H2O Danny Havoc Hardcore Title Cataclysm of barbed-wire Match: Jeff Cannonball defeated Bam Sullivan via General Order 24 to barbed-wire frame
Title fight two came next and this was going to be a personal one. Jeff Cannonball was an instrumental figure in Sullivan’s early H2O career and now he was going to test him in the deathmatch world once again to honour a close friend, Danny Havoc. Cannonball has been a lot more of a jovial character as of late, he admitted so himself in an amazing promo, it was time to see him get back to his bloodletting best. They started by trying to force the other into the barbed wire and decided to just throw hands. Sullivan was run into the barbed wire and Cannonball forced him further into it, then downed him with a clothesline. Cannonball attacked with a barbed-wire bat and carved Sullivan up around the ring. He tried to charge with a wired-up chair but Sullivan kicked it into his chest. Sullivan lit Cannonball up with kicks and carved Cannonball up with the bat. He slammed the barbed-wire chair into Cannonball’s back and continued to cut him up with wire, even hitting him in the ass with the bat. Cannonball tried to Suplex Sullivan through a barbed-wire door but Sullivan escaped and speared him through it. The pair fought to the corner and Cannonball stunned Sullivan on the top rope, then brought both of them crashing down through a wired bed frame. Sullivan got pissed and laid into Cannonball for changing. Cannonball told him to bring it so Sullivan bounced a chair off his head. This woke Cannonball up and he ended Sullivan with General Order 24 onto the remnants of the frame to win. Cannonball is your new Danny Havoc Hardcore Champion and the first H2O grand slam champ. These two put on a deathmatch clinic. It was bloody, gruesome and personal with Cannonball once again showing why he is so respected. Even if Sullivan refused to after the match. This was more than well-deserved.
Rickey Shane Page defeated G-Raver via Death Valley Driver
Last but not least, the main event. This was going to be the first time ever meeting between two of deathmatch wrestling’s biggest stars. Both are capable in a regular ring and a pit of plunder and now they would test each other like never before. G-Raver was going to be the hero of H2O if he could send RSP packing. This match even had a car at ringside. RSP started with his usual stalling bullshit and Raver put him on blast with Lucha arm-drags into a running knee. RSP bailed and caught Raver out of a tope con Hilo into a powerbomb on the apron. He snapped Raver’s arm around a ring post and laser-focused on this limb with chair shots and the ropes before bouncing Raver off the car. He took the fight back to the ring and continued to massacre the arm. Raver struck back and nearly took the win with a sunset flip as RSP thought he had Raver trapped. RSP clotheslined Raver back down and went back to the arm, barring it, showing off small joint manipulation and snapping Raver’s fingers. Raver tried to strike back but RSP just threw him away with a Suplex Toss. He dragged Raver back up and pummelled him with shoulder shrugs, then snapped him to the mat for an arm-targeted elbow drop. He switched tact with a Cutter and tried for the Swanton but Raver dodged. Raver sensed this was his moment and assaulted RSP with knees before knocking him loopy with a ripcord rolling forearm. He took RSP to the top but Page raked his eyes. He couldn’t take control though as Raver tripped him across the top buckle. Raver hit the top buckle senton. RSP wouldn’t stay down so Raver tried for the rope-hung backbreaker on the car. Page broke free and threw Raver back into the ring with another Suplex Toss. RSP walked the ropes for a Frog Splash but only got two. Marcus Mathers came out to support Raver and a slugfest broke out as Raver found a second wind. RSP got a knockout blow with a rolling elbow and nailed the Chokebreaker. Mathers handed Raver his tattoo needles as RSP got into it with a fan and Raver jabbed them into Page’s forehead. Raver nailed the Meteora but RSP somehow kicked out. He charged Page but RSP caught him into a Death Valley Driver and ended it. RSP had just beaten H2O’s biggest threat with Tremont’s own finisher.
The insult would have been enough but he continued to attack Raver post-match. RSP couldn’t just take his excellent main event match and heart-breaking win, he had to stab further at H2O. Mathers tried to defend Raver but 44OH! attacked him and fought off anyone else who rushed to his aid. Tremont appeared to stare Page dead in the eyes and nearly struck RSP but 44OH! jumped him too. They pelted him with a chair and even dragged out his girlfriend to watch the assault. Tremont climbed on to the car to scare them off as the locker room emptied but RSP threw G-Raver at him and both crashed into the roof and windshield. The show ended with the broken body of Matt Tremont surrounded by his girlfriend, friends and students. 44OH! had gone 4-0 in their matches tonight and won the day. It had been an amazing show, one of the best yet but at what cost? The future of H2O continues to get tenser with so much green and black. Could there be a return on the horizon? Fuck 44OH! Count: 4