WARNING STRONG VIOLENCE AND LANGUAGE AHEAD
Welcome back to DMDU. The hottest new hybrid company of the scene was back with another belter of a card as we prepared to see company history made. Four teams remained in the battle of the tag teams, Atlas CC Whitaker was going to answer the call of Joel Bateman’s open light tube challenge, Shazza McKenzie finally got to make her debut, a six-man battle of the blocks deathmatch tag was coming and so much more. Let’s get into the best-named show I’ve ever come across and delve into some more deathmatches down under.
Tag Tournament Semi-Final: Blacklisted (FOX & JXT) defeated Zane Zodiac & Kid Valiant via Blacklisted Bomb to Zodiac
Up first, the best at being bad, Blacklisted was out to destroy the high-flying duo of experience and youthful recklessness. We’ve seen what both teams are capable of and that Blacklisted would use any trick they felt like to cleave out the competition. Blacklisted attacked as the bell rung but Zodiac and Valiant withstood and knocked FOX out of the ring and unloaded on JXT. After taking a Sliced Bread from Valiant, JXT was then knocked out of the ring with a vicious knee from Zodiac. He climbed to the top and both Valiant and Zodiac took out Blacklisted with dives. Both teams brawled around ringside and Blacklisted were finally able to get their mojo back with overhand chops. Valiant and Zodiac swatted away Blacklisted and rushed back to the ring, throwing JXT in with them. JXT begged for mercy and FOX used the distraction to drag Valiant back outside. The ref was watching FOX hurl Valiant into a guardrail so JXT hit Zodiac right in the balls. He threw the wounded Zodiac into a Black Hole slam from FOX, hit the #Elbow and the pair dropped Zodiac with double Crucifix Powerbomb for the win. This had been a fast match for Blacklisted. They’d withstood the flurry from Zodiac and Valiant and won in quick and crafty fashion through a low blow. They were definitely not going to be feeling this one later in the show.
Tag Tournament Semi-Final: Misspent Youth (Aysha & Murdoch) defeated The Anti-Deathmatch Party (Mr. Wrestling Mitchell Wright & Hector Jones) via Yeet Kick Crucifix Bomb on Jones
The other semi-final was next as Misspent Youth looked to take down everyone’s most hated tag team, the Anti-Deathmatch Party. Could Aysha and Murdoch send Mitchell Wright and his protégé Hector Jones packing or would the Anti-Deathmatch Party ruin even more fun? Murdoch was already enjoying them though as Aysha had to stop him dancing to their music. Wright opened the show by spewing more shit on the mic and out-wrestling Murdoch. He got too cocky and tried to trash talk so Murdoch launched him with a hip toss. Wright tagged and Jones charged but Murdoch ducked into a neckbreaker and senton. Murdoch made the tag and threw Aysha into a Hurricanrana. Aysha continued to punish Jones with a spinning heel kick, corner forearm and bulldog, then missed a blind tag and tried to lock on the Octopus. Wright dragged her off and dumped her with a German. Aysha fought out of a chin lock but Wright whipped her into his corner and distracted the ref so Jones could choke her out. She escaped and both made the tag again. Murdoch knocked down Jones and ran a corner uppercut train on the Anti-Deathmatch Party. Jones thought he’d be safe if he crumpled. Spoiler alert, he wasn’t and Murdoch just crushed him with a cannonball instead. The Anti-Deathmatch party double-teamed Murdoch but Aysha had already made a blind tag. She forearmed Wright away and ate a DDT from Jones. Murdoch saved her from a Hart Attack and the pair ended Jones with a Yeet Kick Crucifix Bomb. Misspent Youth had sent the ADP packing and they too had managed it in rapid fashion. That meant the final would be Blacklisted vs Misspent Youth. Thank God, I don’t think I could have taken another Mitchell Wright promo.
Jake Navara defeated Magnificent Mitchell via Headlock Driver
Up next was something unexpected. Jake Navara had had issues with his students wearing their masks so now, he was going to make an example of Magnificent Mitchell. Navara threw Mitchell around the ring and tried to tear at his mask before dumping him to the outside. Mitchell came back with a duo of Lucha arm-drags but his third was cut off as Navara crotched him on the ropes. Navara just kept pummelling Mitchell like he was nothing and scored another near-fall with a Bridging Northern Lights. He crushed Mitchell in the corner and just hammered Mitchell on the mat before choking him out. Mitchell mounted a small comeback but Navara booted him back down with an enzuigiri. He missed a Swanton so Mitchell tried to capitalise but Navara booted him out of the air into a headlock driver. Navara had made his mark in a match that was less a match and more an assault. That message was received even louder as he tore Mitchell’s mask off. He called out Kid Valiant post-match vowing to show the “disrespectful little fuck” what it’s like to be relentless. Also, bonus props to Navara even if he seems like a bit of a dick for using Adrenalise by In This Moment for entrance music.
Caveman Ugg defeated Tommy Knight via Fire Thunder Driver
Let’s get ready to cringe. To put it politely Caveman Ugg and Tommy Knight were about to beat the shit out of each other. These two hit hard as hell and take punishment like it’s a nice breakfast. This was going to get frighteningly stiff. The pair started with lockups but couldn’t move the other so they just started throwing forearms and shoulders. Both guys scored knockdowns as Ugg stunned Knight with a pop-up dropkick. More strikes and chops were thrown as the pair tried to beat the other into submission. A fan tried to shit-talk but quickly shut the fuck up when the pair invited him in the ring. With that fan shut up, the pair went right back to pummelling the shit out of each other. Both guys threw bombs, fighting through the sting of chops and impact of forearms. Ugg was stunned and smashed in the corner but was able to avoid death by boot and started round whatever the number of the strike fight. Once again, hands were thrown until both guys were downed with a double clothesline. They fought up and Ugg terrified everyone, even Knight, by giving him the Tour of the Caves. Splash Mountain followed but neither was enough to keep Knight down. Knight rocked Ugg with a headbutt and signalled for the Brainbuster, hoisting Ugg up like he was nothing and crashing him into the mat. Ugg kicked out so Knight floored him with a devastating lariat and nailed a second Brainbuster. Ugg bit free of a third and slapped Knight, hard. He landed the Boulder Smash into a Fire Thunder Driver and got the three-count over Knight. This had been fucking wild. A big boy bout for the ages and one of the best non-weapons wince-inducing fests I’ve enjoyed. Legitimately one of my favourite DMDU matches to date. It’s just a shame that the gobshite fan didn’t step up to get his shit pushed in.
Light-Tube Deathmatch: Joel Bateman defeated Atlas CC Whittaker via Designated Driver 2
Time for the first deathmatch of the night. Joel Bateman found himself without a match due to some unforeseen circumstances so he made one. He had a bunch of light tubes to play with and wanted someone to smash them on. Enter the Toast of the Upper Crust, Atlas CC Whittaker. He was looking to prove himself in blood and glass so Bateman gave him the opportunity. The pair opened with a competitive technical exchange as Whittaker used his size and wits to get the better of Bateman. Bateman grabbed a tube and made Whittaker flinch by swinging it in his direction. Bateman broke through Whittaker’s tube and flew at him with a leaping clothesline. He gave Whittaker his first taste of glass by carving up his head and kicked another tube into his back. Bateman removed Whittaker’s shirt and booted another tube into his bare back. It got worse as Bateman carved into his back and snapped him with a neckbreaker. He headbutted another tube into Whittaker and went for another neckbreaker but Whittaker turned it into a roll-up. He tried to hit Bateman with a tube but Bateman dodged and kicked it into his chest. He gave Whittaker a PK and broke another tube into his back, taunting with a baseball swing after. He went for a tube-stabbing Camel Clutch and bit into Whittaker’s head wound before booting even more tubes into his back. Whittaker tried to fire up so Bateman kicked a tube into his chest but it just fired him up more and Whittaker broke a tube over his own head and kneed a second into Bateman.
— Dessie deathmatch boi (@DessiePlex) May 3, 2021
He stabbed up Bateman with a tube and knighted him with a tube to the head. The tubes kept breaking on Bateman as Whittaker got more and more comfortable with his environment. Bateman popped up but Whittaker caught him into a Hammerlock Uranage and Bateman dumped Whittaker with a Saito Suplex. He crushed more tubes into Whittaker with double knees and hit the Twisting Suplex. Whittaker escaped the Designated Driver and hit Bateman with a pop-up Palm Strike into a nasty DDT. Bateman avoided a ripcord to hit the Gamengiri and broke a bundle across Whittaker’s midsection with a Swanton Bomb. A clothesline battle broke out that Whittaker won with another uppercut into a lariat and dropped Bateman in the glass with a powerbomb. He broke a bundle on Bateman with a Frog Splash and set the final bundle on some chairs. He placed Bateman on the top turnbuckle but Bateman fought him off and put Whittaker through the bundle with the Designated Driver 2 for the win. Wow, this was way better than expected. I would have never guessed Whittaker was capable of this. This was a compelling deathmatch coming of age story as Whittaker grew more and more crazed as the fight went on. It was an amazing match with a surprisingly heartfelt story. Plus, Bateman finally got his first DMDU’s win.
Fans Bring the Blocks 6-man Deathmatch: Callen Butcher, Michael Weaver & Zuzu the Clown defeated Gweedo, York & Mike Kaos via Sharpshooter on Gweedo
Deathmatch companies mostly love to pay homage to one another. Here was DMDU honouring Inter-Species Wrestling’s exploits in gratuitous use of blocks in deathmatches. As ISDub is looking to build to one million blocks, DMDU figured they’d help by spreading awareness through a six-man block deathmatch that gives us another chapter in the Gweedo/Butcher saga. The Nobody was becoming somebody and now he had an army to take on Gweedo’s forces. Everyone instantly brawled as Gweedo and Co weren’t waiting for the bell. Gweedo went for Butcher, Weaver, and York went for a big man battle as Kaos and Zuzu went for Kaos. Violence reigned everywhere as Butcher had chest protection, York smashed weaponry and brawls erupted everywhere. Kaos was beating down Zuzu in the ring as he smashed a bat across his back and Butcher and Gweedo battled with a block covered in carpet strips. Zuzu and Kaos didn’t want to be ignored and dived onto everyone outside. Zuzu got a measure of revenge but a missed Vader Bomb and a double Suplex extinguished that fire. Gweedo stabbed up Weaver and York smashed in Zuzu with a bat. There was so much going on I couldn’t keep up. York and Weaver got the ring for more big man violence as Butcher took a tack and block pool noodle to Gweedo. Weaver won the creative weapon spot with a skewer-covered block of chocolate. He put on a tack-covered glove and got into a battle of the pointy things with Gweedo. Gweedo got stabbed in the balls and Weaver got stabbed in the head. York saved Gweedo from Butcher and Butcher fought off both. York stunned Butcher on the top and covered the ring in blocks and tacks. As if it wasn’t unbelievable enough, he then dumped Butcher in the pile with a top rope Frankensteiner.
— Dessie deathmatch boi (@DessiePlex) May 3, 2021
Zuzu tried to throw York but York shitcanned Zuzu to the floor and double stomped him. We got Weaver/York 3 as York dumped Weaver in the plunder pile with a spinebuster. He was fucking unstoppable right now and further crushed Weaver with a massive senton. He missed the diving senton and got a back-full of blocks. Kaos kept the fight on Weaver going but Weaver wrecked him with a shoulder block. He went for a powerbomb but Kaos raked his eyes and turned it into a plunder pile Code Red. Butcher made the save and dumped Kaos with a capture Suplex. Gweedo made an ill-fated return and got locked in the Sharpshooter. Zuzu got his revenge on York and more chaos erupted as York and Weaver went for another round. It came down to Butcher and Gweedo with Butcher finally locking on the Sharpshooter again after a Brodie Bomb and spinning clothesline. Gweedo tapped and Butcher now had his second victory over the UGWA champion. This match had been total violent chaos and the violence just continued as Gweedo’s army attacked Butcher after the match. Their title match next month is going to be unbelievably brutal.
Tyson Baxter defeated Shazza McKenzie via Kneebar
She’s finally here. Lockdowns and COVID be damned, Shazza McKenzie had finally made it to DMDU. Her first opponent, Tyson Baxter. Heartbreakcore was about to meet fever pitch but who would be left standing when it was over? Baxter tried to show he had a power edge so McKenzie tripped him down and twisted up his ankles. The pair continued the technical warfare as McKenzie kept Baxter grounded or under wraps. Baxter lost his temper and went back to the power games and the pair went counter for counter until McKenzie regained control. The fight broke outside and McKenzie kicked Baxter’s chest in against the guardrail. Baxter caught her out of a rail Rana and slammed her off the railing, then powerbombed her onto the ring apron. It was Baxter’s turn to be technical as he tried to break McKenzie’s arms and back. He continued to use his power advantage to torture McKenzie and countered her comeback into a rope-hung butterfly backbreaker. McKenzie struck back again out of the corner and launched him across the ring with a corner Rana. Baxter tripped McKenzie into the turnbuckle and rocked her with a corner knee. Baxter fired up McKenzie by trash-talking her and she started slapping back. He tried to bludgeon her back down but she reversed a whip into a cartwheel kick and a sickening running knee. She lit him up with forearms and chops, then caved in his chest with more kicks. She downed him with a crossbody and threw Baxter into the ropes but he hit her in the throat and nailed the Fever Dream. She came back with a roll-up and a Saito Suplex that sent Baxter flying into the corner for another running knee. She drove him into the canvas again with a Tornado DDT and tried for the Shazztastic Stunner but Baxter reversed it into a deadlift flatliner. The kneebar followed and McKenzie had no choice but to tap out. This had been a hard-hitting affair and a whole lot of fun to watch. Baxter had upset McKenzie’s big debut and put on one hell of a showcase in the process.
Gore (w/KrackerJak) defeated Ritchie Taylor via Decapitator Lariat
— Dessie deathmatch boi (@DessiePlex) May 3, 2021
Time for another slugfest of a fight. KrackerJak the mad bastard had attacked Taylor alongside his brother at the end of Taylor’s match at Smashing Sandcastles to promote this match and now, we were seeing the results. Make no bones about it, this was going to be a rough one. Taylor and Gore were about to throw down really fucking hard. Things started technical with both guys showing off their wrestling ability. The pair put on a clinic in chain wrestling as Gore started focusing on the knee. The pair continued this back-and-forth battle of technicality as both locked on and countered the other’s submission attempts. Every time the action stopped; Taylor had to deal with KrackerJak spewing shit at him. Gore brought out the strikes and started to beat down Taylor around the ring. Taylor answered back and sent Gore flying out of the ring with a bicycle kick. He took both Snuff Brothers out with a dive and attacked both of them with chops and stomps before giving them a meeting of the minds. A slugfest broke out and both guys started really going for the kill. Heavy hands and heavy kicks were traded until Gore downed Taylor with a head kick. He knocked the wind out of Taylor with a Military Press Powerslam and tossed him outside for a KrackerJak beating. Gore woke him up and Taylor uncorked a whole barrage of stiff strikes before attempting the Brainbuster. Gore shoved him away and KrackerJak interfered again, only to get spotted by the ref. Taylor landed the Brainbuster but it didn’t get the win as KrackerJak bollock blasted the ref. Taylor and KrackerJak threw hands and after dodging the Britney Spear, Taylor launched him outside with a rolling elbow. Gore launched Taylor with a teardrop Suplex and killed off Taylor with a thunderous lariat. This had been a surprising bout as it was half technical, half Snuff Brothers car crash. It had all been fun and Gore just keeps getting wins.
DMDU Tag Title Final: Misspent Youth (Aysha & Murdoch) defeated Blacklisted (FOX & JXT) via Double Stomp Package Piledriver on JXT
— Dessie deathmatch boi (@DessiePlex) May 3, 2021
Last but not least, our main event. Both teams had fought through one opponent and now it was time for their final battle. In one corner, Blacklisted, the no fucks given villains who do whatever they need to win, and in the other, Misspent Youth, the peppy combo of brains and brawn that looked to outwit and outlast JXT and FOX. Which team was ending the show with those titles and would they actually be able to stand at the end of it? Before the match, JXT enjoyed a White Claw and FOX tried to kill commentary as Misspent Youth just took at the moment. Aysha started the match tripping the Blacklisted members into each other and caught both with a double DDT. JXT crotched her on the top and slammed her back down into the mat. He took a breather and smashed her back with a double-axe handle. Blacklisted hit a double-team eye poke and FOX slammed her into the mat again. The quick tags continued and JXT blasted Aysha in the head with a hook kick. He bounced her off FOX’s boot and distracted the ref so he could choke her over the rope. The Jaystick continued to mockingly beat her down and narrowly avoided defeat by a crucifix. He slammed her into the mat for trying such a thing and tagged out. FOX made his presence felt with a Stalling Suplex and kept the tags coming. Murdoch got annoyed and tried to help but just made things worse by causing a distraction as Blacklisted gave Aysha a double-team stomping. Aysha dragged FOX into JXT again but JXT didn’t let this distract him and cut off her escape with a body scissor. Aysha fought her way back into the match but once again JXT cut her off with the Crispy Drop.
That would have been the end but JXT had to get cocky. Aysha dodged the #Elbow and finally got the tag to Murdoch. He came in like a house on fire and smashed into both of the Blacklisted, crashing them into each other for fun. He booted JXT into Crossroads and Aysha took out FOX with a crossbody. JXT kicked out of the Yeet Crucifix. Everyone but FOX died on a Tower of Doom and he hit Murdoch with a Black Hole Slam. Aysha hit him with a backstabber and blocked a low blow to light up JXT with forearms. FOX saved the match after a Red Alert and dropped Aysha on her face with an inverted DVD. Aysha kicked out and pushed FOX into the Yeet kick, then ended JXT with a Package Piledriver double stomp. Misspent Youth had just made history as the first DMDU Tag Team Champions. They had survived the wily antics of Blacklisted and pulled out the biggest win in the company’s history. It was the feel-good moment that ended another incredible show. As per usual, this new company just keeps on giving me gems. Plus, Murdoch can rest easier now as Aysha won’t dump him for losing.