WARNING: STRONG VIOLENCE AND LANGUAGE AHEAD
Welcome back to No Peace Underground. it’s been a while since we’ve seen the Soundbar in a mess of blood and glass. That was about to change now as the company was back for another super show of brutality, pain and the Gorelando Death Squad making some of the most intense fuckery known to man. In tonight’s show of shocks, we’d see Parrow take on three opponents, G-Raver battle the Lucha Ghoul Sonico, Atticus Cogar take on Casanova Valentine and much much more leading to the main event where Zicky Dice challenged Eric Ryan for the NPU Title. Let’s get into the carnage.
Kit Osbourne opened by hijacking the feed. He was holding the show up since they still wouldn’t put him on a show again. He wasn’t going to invade the venue or attack talent, no, he was just going to talk and prove he wasn’t the bad guy. No Peace was taking opportunities away from him and he was just doing what he had to do.
3-on-1 Deathmatch: Parrow defeated Austin Luke, Ryan Redfield & Reid Walker via Greetings From Asbury Park on Luke
— Rob (@HeyyImRob) May 22, 2021
We opened with the ceremonial bear fight. The Gay agenda was back and Parrow was going to kill not one but three opponents delivered to him by the H2O Academy. Reid Walker, Ryan Redfield and Austin Luke were all in for the fight of their lives against the unstoppable force of Parrow. All three students came out with tubes and broke them on different parts of Parrow’s body. He no-sold this so the trio threw him through a door. They took too much time to celebrate so Parrow attacked them all with a chair. Redfield fell from the stage and Parrow threw Walker through some chairs. Luke tried to charge but just got powerbombed off some wall tubes. Parrow threw him into his teammates and dropped down to beat the defiance out of all three. He took specific aim at Walker but this earned him a flipping cutter as Walker escaped a slam. Redfield tried to capitalise by putting Parrow through a railing but Parrow just dropped him on it with a back body drop. Luke and Walker jumped him and made a chair pile. They dumped Parrow on it with a double Suplex and covered more chairs in tacks. They tried to do the same again but Parrow just chokeslammed Luke through the chairs then slammed Walker into the chair pile. He tried for a chair pile senton but Walker moved and Parrow took himself out. Redfield scored a near-fall with a lariat and the trio set up another rail, door and a ladder. They placed Parrow on the makeshift table and Walker nailed him with a Swanton off the ladder. That still wasn’t enough as Parrow kicked out. He went on another rampage, taking out all three and throwing Walker into the crowd. Luke tried to fight for his fallen allies but Parrow hit him with Greetings from Asbury Park and ended it. The H2O stars had put on a valiant effort but as always, Parrow overpowered and overcame, destroying them all.
He was lapping up his victory when something strange happened. The newly dubbed deathmatch daddy was attacked by confetti guns from mysterious women in familiar attire and people started dancing to Elton John. A video played and EFFY the original deathmatch daddy was on the screen challenging Parrow to a Last Daddy Standing match. The Gay Agenda had just met its toughest challenge yet as EFFY had hijacked No Peace’s booking rights.
Tye Hyll defeated Jimmy Lloyd & Lucky 13 via Glass Pane Destroyer on Lloyd
— Rob (@HeyyImRob) May 22, 2021
After one of the greatest commercials, I’ve ever seen for Liquid Death, we went into our second match. Originally this was going to be Tye Hyll vs Lucky 13 but as always changes can happen and the different boy was now in the mix. This was going to be one hell of a high-flying fuckery fest. Hyll and 13 were furious and took Lloyd out with an assisted Rana through a glass pane. The pair started their fight and Hyll was able to counter the counters into a stage faceplant. 13 fell down and Hyll dived off the stage with a Meteora. Lloyd hit Hyll with a GTS and 13 hit Lloyd with a double flip knee into a Tornado DDT onto the floor. 13 dragged Lloyd onto the stage for a brainbuster but Lloyd reversed and drove 13 into a chair and the stage with his own brainbuster. Hyll took advantage by spiking Lloyd into the stage and used the wall for a tornado bulldog. 13 broke up the pin and broke Hyll with a DVD onto an upended chair. Lloyd tried to take a breather but 13 was watching and pelted him with a chair for good measure then used a chair to slam Hyll onto the stage. He wrapped a studded belt around his knuckles and punched it right into Hyll’s face, earning another two-count. The tubes came out so 13 and Lloyd had a duel. 13 got rid of Lloyd with more glass and tripped Hyll into another chair. He crushed Hyll’s balls with more chairs and quashed a comeback with a DDT-stroyer. A slugfest broke out around a chair pile and Lloyd hit a package piledriver onto the chairs. Hyll broke up the pin and met the wall as Lloyd set up more plunder. A glass pane was set up and 13 had to tape himself so he couldn’t stop Hyll from hitting a destroyer and taking the win. Hyll had come against two of deathmatch wrestling’s most popular and taken a win here. Lucky 13 stole the show here but I hope we get a proper Hyll/13 singles match down the line. This was fun and I want more of it.
Orin Veidt defeated Colby Corino via Tack Chair Total Anarchy
Well, this was an interesting one. Colby Corino returned to No Peace and was about to take on The Wizard King, Orin Veidt in singles action this time. These two can wrestle and we know both aren’t afraid to get bloody. It was going to be fun to see where they took this war. They started with chain wrestling and Corino showed off his grappling game on the stage before swiftly superkicking him off it for a tope. Veidt threw a celebrating Corino back onto the stage and attacked him with a tack bat. He cymbal clapped him with cookie sheets and tried to cut Corino up with one of them. Veidt got a gusset to the chest and Corino cracked him off the stage with a Snap Suplex. A kid helped Corino remove the tacks and Corino set up a door, chopped at Veidt’s bloodied chest then promptly slammed Veidt through the door. Veidt kicked out so Corino made a tack chair and a chop battle broke out. Veidt won and shit-canned Corino over another chair. Corino pelted a chair back and crushed another with Veidt’s body and a brainbuster. He tried to set up a door but Veidt cut him off and hit a stalling Suplex onto the stage. Veidt grabbed a knife-board and set up the door. Corino tried to attack with a gusset bat but Veidt snatched it off him and carved up his arm. Corino was in shock so Veidt tried to slam him on the knife-board but Corino tripped Veidt onto it and double stomped the knives in. He hit a cutter on the stage and Veidt folded inward. They went for pinfalls on the stage and Veidt hit Cradle Shock through a door for two. Corino fired back with a backbreaker on chairs but Veidt wouldn’t stay down either. Corino climbed to the balcony for a crossbody but Veidt caught him into a detonation knee. He dragged Corino onto the railing and hit Total Anarchy into the tack chairs for the win. This had been a highly competitive fight with Corino really bringing it to Veidt but experience trumped heart and Veidt took the win in brutal fashion.
Neil Diamond Cutter defeated Alex Ocean via Fuckery Pile Falcon Arrow
— Rob (@HeyyImRob) May 22, 2021
The Honey Badger hasn’t had the best time in No Peace. He has come so close to victory so many times but never quite claws it. Now, he was issuing an open challenge because he had no fucks to give and there was fighting to be had. Especially since there was a metric fuck-ton of tubes around. Cutter had given himself an ultimatum, no win, no coming back. His opponent, the No Peace favourite, Alex Ocean. Those tubes quickly broke as the pair duelled and Cutter crushed Ocean with a senton. Bob the staple-gun came out and Ocean got a dollar stapled to his tongue. Ocean stunned Cutter with another tube and hammered a gusset into his head. He turned Bob on Cutter and gave him a dollar to the tongue too. Cutter fired back with more tubes as Ocean remained defiant. A fan even handed Cutter a golf club. Ocean kicked free and choked out Cutter with his shirt. He jaw jacked to the crowd and cutter-tripped him onto a chair. Cutter wrapped the chair around Ocean’s neck and sent him crashing into the stage then tripped him to the floor again. He hit a second senton on the chair trapped Ocean and tried to set up a glass pane but Ocean broke it in his face with a chair throw. Ocean set up a chair pile and Cutter blasted him with more tubes. He hit the stomp-up tube senton and hit a moonsault off a chair. He couldn’t keep Ocean down so he set up a ladder and Ocean blasted him with tubes to the back. Ocean broke Cutter on the ladder with an AA but only got two so Ocean made another fuckery tower. Cutter hammered his way free and put Ocean away with a Falcon Arrow through the fuckery.
The Honey Badger had done it. He had gotten his first No Peace win and had gotten it over someone credible. He was free to return to No Peace whenever he wanted and we soon found out who his next opponent would be. Sawyer Wreck came out and smashed a super bundle over Cutter and chokeslammed him onto the fuckery remnants. She looks to be Cutter’s next opponent and she’s already drawn first blood. If you haven’t, check the Twitter back and forth between these two, it’s incredible.
G-Raver defeated Sonico via Door Meteora
— Rob (@HeyyImRob) May 22, 2021
Here’s another for the list of matches I never knew I wanted. G-Raver the ultimate deathmatch Luchador taking on Sonico, the Lucha Ghoul and underrated hardcore wrestler extraordinaire. Both of these guys are creative, fast and unhinged so they were about to make magic together even if Sonico was there on Father James Mitchell’s orders. Sonico showed off some early quickness and cunning but baiting Raver into an arm-drag and tossing him about the stage. Raver swatted away a dropkick and Sonico ate shit on the stage. The Lucha Extrema continued as the pair countered and flew until Raver drilled Sonico with a forearm. A fan gave Raver a crutch but Sonico used it on him and sent him crashing against the guardrails for some stiff chops. Raver chopped back and Sonico launched Raver into the cameraman with a spinning arm-drag. A chair pelt sent Raver into the crowd and the pair fought toward the bar area where Sonico set up a door. Raver kneed back and hit the twisting flatliner off the bar and through the door. Raver threw Sonico back into the pit and hammered a chair into Sonico’s balls. A door was set up and Sonico speared Raver into the stage for a flurry of offence. He tried to pry a kendo stick from a fan but Raver interrupted and gave him a caning. He set up more chairs but Sonico tripped him onto them and stomped through Raver’s head before giving him the AMF onto another chair. Raver kicked out and got kicked in the head for it then Sonico ignored using a golf club and put Raver through the door with a Falcon Arrow. He went for another door and Raver kneed him into position for the tattoo needles to the head. Sonica fell off the stage pained and Raver ended him with a Meteora through another door. The Lucha Ghoul had been exorcised but Raver had gone through hell to do it. This was just as good as I wanted it to be and I sincerely hope Sonico returns to No Peace for more matches.
Atticus Cogar defeated Casanova Valentine via Skewer Maiden
How do you make yourself a marked man in No Peace? You attack Markus Crane. That’s what Atticus Cogar did at MurderMania and now, he’d have to face the consequences as he took on Brooklyn Black Death, Casanova Valentine. Cogar wasn’t afraid of Valentine but maybe he should be. He had a pissed off no-ring king and a whole lot of deadly fuckery to contend with. Aspyn Rose, Crane’s manager, was watching from the crowd ready to see Cogar get mauled. Valentine made his entrance and went right on the attack, smashing Cogar around the Soundbar. He waterboarded Cogar at the bar and Cogar retreated to the streets. Valentine bounced Cogar off a tree and body-slammed him onto a trashcan as people looked on in horror. Taking the fight back inside, Valentine hit an elbow off a bench and broke a bundle on him. The Gorelando had set up skewer doors during the street fighting and Cogar gave Valentine a head full of the green skewers. He stabbed even more into Valentine’s head and gave him Shrek horns. Cogar kept Valentine in check with chair shots and set up a door and pane. He made things personal by breaking the Garden Weasel and re-arranged the furniture further. Valentine fought back but Cogar raked his eyes and brought the fight back to the stage. Cogar sent Valentine through a door with a superkick and got distracted by Rose. Valentine gave him a bundle to the head and broke more tubes into his back. He kicked and kneed more tubes into Cogar and put him through the glass pane with an overhead belly to belly. Valentine signalled to the skewer doors and got hit in the balls. Cogar massacred Valentine with tubes and tried to wake him up with tube after tube after tube. It was relentless. Valentine was out of it so Cogar attacked Rose instead. Valentine made the save but paid the price as Cogar threw him through the skewer maiden. That killed off Valentine and Cogar had his hand raised in victory.
After a violent as fuck bloodbath, Cogar had picked up another win. He had bested a No Peace original and mercilessly tried to kill Valentine throughout the match. They brawled everywhere and broken multiple weapons but, in the end, Cogar stood victorious. But it didn’t stop there. Cogar turned his attention to Rose and gave her a head full of skewers too. He really was out to prove he was a vicious bastard tonight.
NPU Title: Eric Ryan defeated Zicky Dice via Snuff Stomp
— Rob (@HeyyImRob) May 22, 2021
We ended tonight’s show with something OUTLANDISH. Zicky Dice was back and ready to get violent as he was presented a shot at the NPU Title. He wasn’t going to have an easy time though as he’d have to best Eric Ryan in Ryan’s type of match. Dice had no bubble wrap to protect him this time. If he won though, No Peace would have the hottest free agent as their champ. Dice pissed Ryan off with a magic trick and so Ryan beat him down with forearms into headbutts. Dice tried to swing back with an inflatable so Ryan battered him with an inflatable fish. Ryan tried to rip Dice’s face off and Dice performed another magic trick which Ryan used against him. He beat Dice with a door and Dice threw him through it. He hit Ryan with his fanny pack and choked him out. He sang to the crowd as he stomped on Ryan and hit him with a fork-covered pool noodle. He threw Ryan into the pit and attacked him with a slip n slide. He tried to attack Ryan with a bundle but Ryan broke them into Dice’s ribs and remained defiant as Ryan beat him down again. Ryan doused the slide and Dice in lighter fluid and taunted everyone with a lighter so Dice threw him into a super bundle. The pair bounced off doors and Dice nearly got the win with a small package. Ryan rolled through and hit Dice with the Snuff Stomp to end the match. This has been a nice take on the deathmatch and let Dice have some hardcore fun but as always, Ryan completely killed him in the end. That ended another incredible No Peace show and left us wondering just who the
— #OrlandoDeathSquad (@gorelandodeath) May 23, 2021