WARNING: STRONG VIOLENCE & LANGUAGE AHEAD
New Fear City is becoming one of the best companies for providing innovative deathmatch madness. Following the Great American Trash (that you should totally watch) Casanova Valentine and co announced Return to Kingsland, another madcap show of no-ring deathmatch chaos, live music, and dancing. It was one big violent party with some high-stakes match-ups. We’d see Puf taking on Big Game Leroy, MV Young battling Kit Osbourne, and the main event where Casanova Valentine defended his Heavy Metal Bexar Knuckles Championship against Billy Dixon in a Taipei Deathmatch. Let’s get into the fucking carnage.
Puf defeated Big Game Leroy via Door-breaking Exploder
Up first was a brawl between the master of Nintendo Switch multitasking Big Game Leroy and Buffalo’s favourite Big Booty Daddy, Puf. Leroy has become somewhat of a favourite in NFC but now he was taking on one hell of an opponent here. It’s hard not to be happy when Puf is in the building and the crowd were electric for him. Puf opened with a bit of dancing and prepared to lock up but Leroy was too busy with his Switch. Leroy dodged Puf’s attacks and booted him in the face from the stage then drove him into a post with a no-hand Hurricanrana. He couldn’t roll Puf over for a pin so he sat on his back and used him like a beanbag. Puf got sick of this quick and trapped him in a roll-up for a two-count. Leroy threw the Switch to Puf and Puf was excited to play Mario Kart. He was so lost in the game he forgot he was in a match and that the console wasn’t his. Leroy coached Puf on how to get better at the game and the crowd cheered on both. Puf ended up in eighth and earned the Switch to the face for costing Leroy his high score. He rummaged into his bag and fetched a Gamecube, ramming that into Puf’s back and head. A Gamecube curb stomp got a two-count so he used a controller for a Crossface. Puf tied Leroy up with his own controller and knocked him off the stage with a Whip Punch. He then cracked Leroy with a beer and booted him in the face with a fan, using the same fan for a Rana. He threw Leroy at the post again but Leroy rounded it into a Joycon Drift Elbow. Puf used beer to revive himself and spat it into the face of Leroy. With Leroy blinded, Puf grabbed him by the head and threw him into the twerking Lily Con Carnage after getting her some tips. That impact woke him up and a proper slugfest broke out. The pair fought over a trashcan and Puf rolled it at Leroy like Donkey Kong to open him up for a spinning back elbow. A door was set up and Puf broke it with an Exploder. That got three and Puf was your winner. This had been the perfect opener as it provided laughs, violence, and video games. What’s not to love? You can always trust Puf to pick up the party.
Kit Osbourne defeated MV Young via Stage Dive Curb Stomp
Up next was everyone’s love to hate favourite in Kit Osbourne as he took on the Polyam King MV Young in a match that would find some way to break the internet knowing MV. The Kit had claws and he was ready to use them. They opened by throwing hands and chopping/slapping the shit out of each other. MV bounced Osbourne off the wall and threw him into the crowd for another round of slugging. They once again chopped the shit out of each other until MV cut the action off with a superkick. Osbourne fired back with one of his own and backed MV into the wall for another round of chops. MV obliged and machine-gunned a whole clip of chops and smashed Osbourne off the wall before dragging him to the bar. They opened a cold one and went right into smacking each other in the jaw. Osbourne got tired of the striking and clawed MV’s eyes. He pushed MV up onto the bar and dropped him on his head with a DDT onto the hardwood. Osbourne dragged the fight back to the pit and MV retook control with a pelted trashcan and pump kick. Things went from bad to worse for Osbourne as MV leapt off the stage with a double stomp, smashing his head off the floor. Osbourne wouldn’t stay down so MV crushed him in the trashcan with a boot and senton. MV kept smashing Osbourne with strikes and kicks, willing Osbourne back into the fight just to knock him back on his ass. He went for a door piece but as he set it up, Osbourne tripped him onto it with a drop toe hold. Osbourne brained MV with the door and got dropkicked into a fan when MV rebounded.
The fight returned to the stage and Young tried for the MV bomb but Osbourne hurled him into the pole again. Osbourne tried to follow but got swatted out of the air by a stiff forearm. Both men got another taste of the door and Osbourne picked up the broken door fragment and launched onto MV with an elbow drop. MV wasn’t dead yet though and hoisted Osbourne up for the MV Bomb through another door. Somehow Osbourne kicked out and rolled through a second bomb to hit MV in the cock. MV crumpled and Osbourne drove his head into the barroom floor with a diving Curb Stomp. Osbourne had cheated death and just put on an absolute slugfest of a match against the Polyam King. This was what I love about wrestling hard hits, plunder, and people loving it all sealed with a big kiss and bigger forearm. This was a proper hard-hitting gem and one that should definitely be sourced out by fans of the fighters.
Heavy Metal Bexar Knuckles Taipei Deathmatch: Casanova Valentine defeated Billy Dixon via Satan Cock Muta Lock
Last but not least, the main event. Casanova Valentine was defending his Heavy Metal Wrestling Bexar Knuckles title against the Business Billy Dixon in a glassed-up Taipei Deathmatch. They had glass on their knuckles and a whole lot of punches to throw. This was going to get wild. They opened with a cagey punch-out as Dixon threw the blows and Valentine ducked and weaved. Valentine ran his knuckles into Dixon’s head, knocking Dixon to the floor. He bounced Dixon off the barroom walls and shared a beer with him, granted it was the can to the head rather than the actual contents. Another trashcan entered the mix and met Dixon’s head as Valentine slammed it down and DDT’ed him onto it. Dixon dodged another blow and grabbed Valentine’s shirt to start a glassed-up hockey fight. Valentine put the brakes on this with more glass in the face and cut Dixon open. He dragged Dixon to the bar and initiated another barfight. The blows got nasty as beer and anger fuelled glass knuckles and Dixon broke the mould with beer mist and a Bionic Elbow. He upped the sadism with lemons and limes to the head then stapled an event poster to Valentine’s arm. He fired the crowd up with a “fuck Jamie Spears” chant and threw Valentine back into the pit. He followed with a spear and chopped Valentine at the stage. He wandered out of view for a second and found Satan Cock, the nailed dildo weapon of choice for Valentine. After sampling the nails and winking, Dixon drove the dick of doom into Valentine’s forehead and sacrificed his arm to use the weapon in an elbow drop. Valentine fell back into the crowd so Dixon took a run-up and leapt onto Valentine for another two-count.
Dixon set up a door and rushed Valentine but got stopped in his tracks by a vicious forearm. A tube duel broke out and Valentine blinded Dixon by punching a bundle into his face. With a handful of glass, Valentine grabbed Dixon by the head and drove him through a door with the Stage 5 Clinger. He went for the pin but only got two. Dixon wasn’t out yet so Valentine grabbed Satan Cock and trapped Dixon in the Muta Cock… I mean Lock. Dixon passed out and Valentine was declared the winner. It had been a vicious as fuck fight with the Business giving Valentine the business for a lot of it. it had been an incredible main event and once again showed off Dixon’s deathmatch chops. It would also have been feasible to believe this is where straight Bill came from given all the blows to the head. Overall, this show was fun as hell. Three matches with three vastly different feels and tones in front of a manic crowd with a whole load of no-ring fuckery to be had. It’s definitely worth the watch as NFCC keeps putting out some awesome as fuck shows. Also happy birthday Casanova, you mad bastard.
TIP YOUR FUCKING DANCERS
Lil'y con Carnage
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