WARNING: STRONG VIOLENCE AND LANGUAGE AHEAD
It’s finally time to return to the bloody violence of Deathmatch Downunder. It was time to make some history. D.R.E.A.M or Death Rules Everything Around Me, is the first officially sanctioned tournament in Australia’s history. DMDU were bringing the pain as eight of the best and brightest in Australian Deathmatch were coming to fight. We’d have Atlas CC Whittaker, York, Gweedo, Mad Dog, Vixsin, Damian Rivers, Callen Butcher, and Joel Bateman were about to tear each other up in brutal and barbaric ways in the inaugural D.R.E.A.M tournament. Let’s waste no more time and get into the carnage.
Round 1 Light Tube Lunacy: Joel Bateman defeated York via Koori Clutch
What better way to start a deathmatch tournament than with some good old light tubes? Joel Bateman is one of the top names of the tournament and an all-out Bloodfighter in the ring but, he was across from an absolute monster, The Weight of the World, York. Things were going to start rough and only get rougher as this went on. Plus, we had JXT on commentary sharing all his deathmatch “expertise.” There’d be no introductions as York instantly went on the attack with a bundle bat and slammed Bateman into the mat. A bundle senton followed, with York sacrificing his back to flatten Bateman. The fight went outside and York kept his assault up, carving up Bateman’s forehead with broken glass. More tubes met Bateman as York continued his relentless barrage and caused a blood splatter across the railing as Bateman’s head collided with it. The action returned to the ring and so did the pain as Bateman ate a light tube Backbreaker. York would prove to be the weapon of his own undoing as he hit a bundle on a missed cannonball and scurried outside. Bateman kicked another bundle into him with an Apron PK and took to the air with a Swanton. York tried to come back but Bateman reversed his charge into a tube chair collision.
Bateman tried for the Designated Driver but York just threw him off and beat him down in the corner. He successfully hit the corner cannonball and spiked him with a Piledriver. Bateman smartly rolled out to the apron and York set up the first pane of the show. Bateman rocked York on the top rope with more bundles and the pair fought it out. York managed to get down and put Bateman through the pane with a Powerbomb. York had a tube cabin brought in and prepared to senton Bateman to hell but got nothing but glass. Bateman kept up the pressure with a tube Somato and went tube crazy as adrenaline-fuelled his monstrous foe. He broke a tube fan on York and rolled him up with a Koori Clutch to take the win. A wrestling hold won the match but holy shit, had the glass messed them both up. This was a chaotic start to the show with York going all out on the glassware. Bateman progresses but he’s cut to shit and bloodied up. York left his mark for damn sure.
Round 1 Fans Bring the Weapons: Gweedo defeated Atlas CC Whittaker via TV Air Raid Crash
The veteran violence continued as the UGWA Total Violence champion took his spot in the tournament. Much like Bateman before him, he was taking on another spirited newcomer in the deathmatch arts in the intrepid Atlas CC Whittaker. The last time he was in a deathmatch, Whittaker stole everyone’s hearts. This time, he wanted to take that title. After a bit of a popularity contest, Gweedo tried to take the win with a roll-up. Whittaker dropkicked him to the outside and dropkicked him again when Gweedo got cocky on the outside. The weaponry came out and Whittaker bludgeoned Gweedo with an invincible personalised canvas then spiked him with a tacked-up Badminton racquet. The fans got involved and held Gweedo in place as Whittaker beaned Gweedo with a can of beans. Gweedo got a strike in with a milk crate but Whittaker slapped him away with a rubber fist and cracked him in the chest and back with a block bat. Whittaker got too distracted by a Satanic summoning book and gave Gweedo the chance to nail him with a box of blocks and bell clap him with milk crates. Gweedo smashed away at Whittaker with the tray of death and smashed a bunch of tubes into his head with a skateboard.
Turns out there were tacks on the skateboard too as they got stuck in Whittaker’s back. Whittaker got the block bat treatment and Gweedo carved into him with the noodle slicer then went at him with the spike. It just kept going as he broke a gusset crucifix on Whittaker’s body and Whittaker broke a bundle into Gweedo with a lariat. Whittaker trapped Gweedo under tubes in the corner and gave him the Brahman special with a bowling ball. He had a TV brought out and added more tubes to it. Gweedo hit low and drove Whittaker onto the glassy TV with an Air Raid Crash. That got the win and our second veteran made it to the semis. Whittaker gave it his all and seemed to have a blast being painfully creative but veteran savvy got the win here. Don’t let this dispirit you though Whittaker, can’t wait to see your next one. Vale!
Round 1 Homegrown Deathmatch: Mad Dog defeated Vixsin via Dog Choker
Next up was the scary one. Mad Dog and Vixsin are two of the toughest in the Australian deathmatch game and are by far the most experienced in the tournament. Both have torn through foes both as a team and against each other. Now, Mad Dog and the Deathmatch Kaiju were being unleashed on each other in a homegrown deathmatch. Anything could happen. Once again, there were no introductions as a shunting match saw Mad Dog start spiking Vixsin with a nail. He kept stabbing away and Vixsin threw him into a thumbtack pit, knocking him into it again with a dive. A cactus board was thrown in and Vixsin broke one of the cacti on Mad Dog as he tried for a Sunset Flip before dropping into a body attack. Mad Dog tried to slow things down with a face-lock but Vixsin just tossed him with a T-Bone. She went to drag him up again but he tripped her into the cactus board and drove her further into the cacti with a diving leg drop. He had a gusset board brought in but ended up feeling it himself as Vixsin countered a slam into a head-scissor. Mad Dog fought off the pain and threw Vixsin into the corner for chops and punches.
Vixsin cut his count off early with a gusset board powerbomb and massacred him again with a senton into a Crossface and Armbar. They went back-and-forth on technical wrestling and Mad Dog locked on an Abdominal Stretch. He met the gusset board again as Vixsin threw him off and both threw the other into one of the painful boards. Vixsin broke Mad Dog and the cactus board with a hip attack and Mad Dog returned the favour with a DVD and the gusset board. The tack pit was brought in and Mad Dog filled it with Arabian Barbs, giving Sabu a shout-out as he did so. They both felt the sting as Vixsin drove him into it with a Uranage and Mad Dog used a kick out to lock on the Dog Choker. Vixsin did everything she could to throw him off but the hold wouldn’t break and eventually she passed out, Jay Stevens calling for the bell. This definitely did not disappoint. It became a hybrid deathmatch with a lot of pricks and technicality thrown in throughout. That pit of pain near the end looked nasty and I’ll always pop for cacti in deathmatches.
Round 1 Jack in the Box Deathmatch: Callen Butcher defeated Damian Rivers via Skewered Execution Elbow
Last but not least for the first round, we got a rematch of the first DMDU main event. Callen Butcher, the nobody, once again coming to blows with the man who gave him his deathmatch baptism by fire, Australia’s most dangerous man, Damian Rivers. There were throwback weapons and a whole lot of other random fuckery as the pair prepared to go to war under Jack in the Box rules (Yes, it’s referencing that match.) As per, Rivers attacked early and nailed Butcher with a Rainmaker. Butcher just kicked out and had a Tokyo Tower broken over his head. That got one and an emphatic fuck you as Butcher was ready to fight. Rivers tried to get the Fatality and the pair traded forearms until Rivers went to the eyes. The pain continued for Butcher as Rivers dug the cling wrap box into his head and Butcher turned it back on him. They kept knocking the fuck out of each other with forearms and Butcher gave Rivers a World’s Strongest Slam to cinderblocks. He broke more cinderblocks on Rivers’ back and made a rubble pile on the outside.
He tried for a Brainbuster but Rivers just slammed him onto the broken blocks. Kenzans came out and Rivers hammered two into Butcher’s head, making him look like deathmatch Hellboy. They were hammered in further as Rivers dropped Butcher on his head with a Piledriver. Butcher powered up on tube shots and broke another on Butcher with a headbutt into a Brainbuster. He retrieved syringes and prepared to give Rivers his double jab but Rivers tripped him into the ropes and stabbed them through his cheeks. Butcher dodged another Rainmaker and dumped Rivers with a Saito. He landed a second Brainbuster and skewered Rivers before ending things with the Execution Elbow. Butcher had just taken out his first foe and exorcised an old demon. Holy shit, this was incredible. The pair made their own interpretation of a classic and brutalised each other to a nightmarish degree. They ended the opening round with a bang. Even Damian Rivers wanted Butcher to win after this one.
Semi-final Thuggery Boards: Joel Bateman defeated Gweedo via Koori Clutch
There were no brakes on the deathmatch train as we sped into our first semi-final. It would be another rematch as we got a do-over of the first-ever DMDU deathmatch. This time Joel Bateman and Gweedo would be fighting over the first spot in the finals. They’d have nightmarish boards to work each other over with and more of that deadly creativity they were known for. Bateman avoid an early attack and threw Gweedo through a can board. He bludgeoned Gweedo with the remains and dug a can into his head. They fought towards the entranceway and Bateman sent Gweedo flying over the guardrail. They kept fighting amongst the fans and Gweedo got some revenge with the noodle slicer. The tour of the venue continued as Bateman met a pillar and a shutter. Bateman took the fight back to the fans and got bounced off even more solid objects. He ripped off a guardrail and smashed off it as Gweedo countered a whip.
Gweedo dragged Bateman over to merch and poured hand sanitiser over his wounds, the sadistic bastard. Bateman was screaming after that and I’m honestly not surprised, fuck that. Gweedo gave him a beer to the head and set up a barbed-wire door. He threw Bateman into it and brought in a bed of nails. Bateman got more tubes to the head and managed to avoid the bed of nails. The pair danced around it and Bateman drove Gweedo onto it with a DDT. They danced around it again and Bateman ate the nails after a Suplex. Bateman wouldn’t stay down so Gweedo set up a door and bundle contraption and brought Bateman to the top rope. Bateman bit free of Gweedo’s clutches and headbutted him off the top, through the construction below. That still wasn’t the end of it. Bateman retrieved a knifeboard and Gweedo played possum so he could stab Bateman in the back of the leg. They had a brief knife fight and Bateman got his second win of the night with the Koori Clutch. That was two in a row on matches avenged as Bateman got a win back over the Sire of Barbed-wire. Once again, even I was surprised by the violence on display here. Hand sanitiser, knives, and nails all got a spotlight here in a brutal grudge match. Bateman might have made it to the finals but he’s pretty fucked up.
Semi-final Light tubes and Ladders: Callen Butcher defeated Mad Dog via Execution Elbow
Our other semi-final was just as scary. Mad Dog and Butcher had both gone through pretty vicious wars before colliding and now, they would have to try and kill each other with some classic weaponry, light tubes and ladders. We know both will throw caution to the wind and strike, now we’d have elevation too. They tried some pre-match intimidation and Butcher took a bite out of a light tube fragment after breaking it over his own head. The pair opened with chain wrestling and grappled around a tube-strewn ring. Butcher booted Mad Dog to the apron and Mad Dog returned fire with a tube headbutt. Butcher shook it off and rocked Mad Dog with a rolling elbow. Mad Dog fell outside and Butcher smashed a bundle into him with a Baseball Slide. Butcher carved Mad Dog with another fragment and ate that too for good measure, disturbing JXT. Mad Dog took control the second he got back in-ring with an Octopus and tried to set up a bundle slam but Butcher put Mad Dog through the tubes. Mad Dog got revenge with a ladder trip and mangled his back with a bundle and ladder senton. They struck it out and Butcher snapped Mad Dog over for a bundle back kick.
Mad Dog kicked out so Butcher locked on an Anaconda Vice and Mad Dog countered into an Abdominal Stretch. It got to a waist-lock and Butcher used all his momentum to launch Mad Dog into a tube ladder with a Cazadora. They danced around more tubes and Mad Dog terrified everyone with a tube piledriver. He took slightly too long to pin so Butcher was able to get the shoulder up. Mad Dog was ready to bring out the big guns. He set up a ladder and ascended, ready for the leg drop. He fell from the heavens and Butcher looked like a truck had been dropped on him. Somehow, he kicked out, grabbing Jay Steven’s arm and prompting a “come on” cry of desperation from Mad Dog. The pair kept swinging and Butcher blasted Mad Dog with another back elbow. Mad Dog collapsed and Butcher ended him with the Execution Elbow. Butcher seemed as shocked as everyone else that he’d just beaten the deathmatch icon but hey, he’d done it. Callen Butcher is your second finalist. He’d come through hell but thanks to some chess game wrestling, glass, and endurance, he was now Mad Dog approved.
Big Dude Energy (Big Dave & Rickie Gilmore) defeated Cool Guy Squad (Will Walker & Kid Valiant) via Big Dude Slam on Walker
We took a break from the deathmatch violence for a tag team contest. The Cool Guy Squad are the cult stars of DMDU. Will Walker and Kid Valiant have shown nothing but heart, guts, and determination in all the matches they come across, and once again, they were going to be tested as they battled the debuting Big Dude Energy for a potential title shot. There was a definite size disadvantage for them here as Big Dave and Rickie Gilmore were big dudes. Valiant mistakenly battered away a handshake and paid the price as Big Dave threw him around the ring. Walker took over and also got thrown around and mauled by Big Dave, getting extra shit for pissing him off with a mid-kick. Gilmore tagged in and did more of the same then leapfrogged into a double-team backbreaker. Walker tagged out and ran to the outside to attend to his lower back. Valiant landed a couple of strikes but was quickly cut off by Big Dave and a stalling Suplex. The Cool Guy Squad got their first break in the match with a blind tag kick combo and worked over Gilmore with an explosive offence. Walker nearly met his end when Gilmore stopped reacting to his chops but a swift Enziguiri to the head kept Gilmore in his clutches. Gilmore finally got his escape from the match with a powerbomb to Valiant and unleashed Big Dave with a tag. Dave went on a lariat train and threw both members of CGS around, not falling for another blind tag ambush. The pair hit Walker with a Double Back Suplex and Gilmore crushed him with a Vader Bomb. Dave followed up with a senton but Valiant came to the rescue with a nasty kick.
Walker took advantage with a splash but the Big Dude Energy wasn’t depleted yet. Everyone was down after curb stomps and lariats then after a few seconds of breath, the CGS kipped up for more kicks. BDE caught the pair out of dives and threw Valiant into the crowd. Walker was alone in the ring and got taken out by the Big Dude Slam. The Cool Guy Squad had given it another good shot and shown some excellent if cocky teamwork against the bigger team. It hadn’t gotten them the win but hey it made for compelling viewing. Big Dude Energy are fun as hell and that Big Dude Slam is an awesome finisher. They will go on to face Misspent Youth at the next show for the tag titles now. I hope they’re ready for the challenge.
D.R.E.A.M Final Light tubes, Glass and Shark Cage Deathmatch: Callen Butcher defeated Joel Bateman via Bundle-Breaking Execution Elbow
Here we go, the main event. Everything had led to this. The blood, sweat, tears had been shed as these two carved a path of destruction through the field of eight. Joel Bateman and Callen Butcher had been stabbed, struck, mauled and nearly murdered in their first two matches. Now the fuckery had been turned up to eleven as we had glass and a shark cage joining the old reliable light tube. Whoever won this would be the inaugural DMDU Australian Deathmatch Wrestling Champion and the first official Australian deathmatch champion. This was all to play for. Erin Dick presented the title and our competitors made their final entrance of the night, Bateman taking a second to proudly show his heritage. Things were sealed with a photo then Bateman went wild throwing a bundle at Butcher and launching him through a pane. He murdered Butcher with tubes and drove him into a glass pile with a Cutter. Butcher kicked out so Bateman quickly followed up with a Saito and a decapitator lariat. Butcher still wouldn’t die so Bateman went for the tube double knees. Butcher kicked out again and Bateman kept coming at him with tubes, smashing and carving. He had a quick product plug by pouring his own hot sauce over Butcher’s back and hit the Alex Colon Uranage Knee into the Camel Clutch (fuck it, that’s now the Bloodfighter Combo.) Butcher made the ropes and caught Bateman into a Cyclone Suplex. He hoisted Bateman up for a Stalling Brainbuster and both collapsed to the mat. Butcher got a two-count and the pair danced around the shark cage until Bateman drove Butcher into it with a Shotgun Dropkick. Butcher staggered forward and walked right into another horrific lariat. Butcher again managed to kick out and both men had to beat another ten-count. Bateman found his feet first, smashed another tube over Butcher and placed a pane of glass over him. He scaled the cage but the trip took a long time and Butcher found his feet and more tubes. Butcher joined him atop the cage and promptly got knocked off by a Bateman headbutt, landing on the glass pane. That would have been it but Bateman took too long getting back down to pin.
More tubes were emptied into the ring and the pair took turns smashing each other with duelling tubes. Bateman fell to his knees but kept asking for more, the madman would not be silenced. Both match enders were blocked and Bateman disappeared behind the scenes to fetch a new killer. The sounds of machinery blared and Bateman made a Leatherface-like return with a weedwhacker sorry whipper-snipper. Butcher knocked it aside with a chair and hit a Spinning Pain Thriller for another two-count. He retrieved the whipper-snipper and cut a new groove into Bateman’s back. He scooped Bateman up for an Assault Driver through another pane of glass and got a one-count. A fucking one-count. Bateman was pumped up on adrenaline so Butcher propped a bundle at Bateman’s head and ended him with two Execution Elbows. Callen Butcher had done it. He’d made history and taken his place as the first-ever DMDU Deathmatch Champion. It had been a long, painful road with bloodshed, broken bodies and broken glass but he’d made it. With tears in his eyes and emotion in his voice, he was embraced by Bateman and made a speech crediting everyone for the tournament and the title and thanking those closest to him, Erin, Jay and Joel before leaving the mic to Joel to send the fans off happy whilst giving props to everyone who made this scene and this company possible. The Nobody had been given a chance in DMDU and he’d run with it. Now, because he’d dared to D.R.E.A.M, the Nobody had become Somebody. The deathmatch fairy tale found a happy ending. Now, he is free to make new chapters with that title. Congratulations Callen Butcher, you fucking earned this. Also, congratulations to DMDU, you made deathmatch history in the most awesome of ways, reigniting the scene and respecting everyone that had come beforehand. This show is on IWTV, take the time to watch it. It’s one of the best shows of 2021. No bullshit. If you needed further proof deathmatch wrestling is an art form, you got it right here.