WARNING: STRONG VIOLENCE AND LANGUAGE AHEAD
Welcome to something a bit different. We covered Kumite Combat Wrestling’s big debut show a little while ago and now, we bring you their second. The first one was a one-match no-ring bloodbath so this time they’d upped the ante with three insane little no-ring fights ranging from the traditional to the batshit with the levels of violence on display. On the menu tonight, we’d see the Big Poppa Goose Troy open challenge, Tommbie taking on Alton Thorne in a casket match and a massive double title main event as Big F’N Joe and Tyler Devlin collide for the RISE 24/7 Hardcore Title and the Kumite DeathWolf Title. Plus, as I had the chance to attend this show live, you’ll also get some of my thoughts on the experience first-hand. Let’s get into the carnage.
Antonio Gonzales defeated Big Poppa Goose Troy via Door-VD
Up first today in the menagerie of madness was the Big Poppa Goose Troy open challenge. Troy had surprised a lot of people by booking himself into a no-ring show. Why was he on a deathmatch show? Well, he wanted to show them up, mock them, and the fans there to enjoy it and boy, they were pissed. He left the door open to anyone who wanted to murder him and he would out-wrestle them. Antonio Gonzales answered the call and the duo prepared to fight, Troy being somewhat impressed. Gonzales less so and shut Troy up with a forearm. Troy demanded they start with lock-ups but again, Gonzales just smacked him about and smashed him off a wall. He chopped the soul out of Troy, the fans cheering him on as he did so and getting on the action, most of them giving him a proper chopping. Gonzales tried to introduce a chair but Troy trapped him in a headlock and took the fight to the floor for some grappling. They had some proper wrestling and Gonzales knocked Troy loopy with an Enzuigiri. The chair came out again but Troy grabbed a human shield and punted Gonzales low. He winded Gonzales with a Gutbuster and tried to take a breather so Gonzales locked him outside. Troy appeared to have run away but sadly, it turned out he just come back in through the other door. Gonzales ambushed him with a chair to the back and took a seat, waiting for Troy to get back up. He grabbed a hockey stick and prepared to swing but Troy tripped him into the chair, breaking his own anti-hardcore rules.
'Hey Troy, Fuck you' pic.twitter.com/L2NjE3rKwu
— Kumite Combat Wrestling (@officialkumite) November 29, 2021
Goose administered the beatdown as the fans told him to fuck off. Gonzales tried to slug back but Troy dropped him across his knee again for a Backbreaker. He cleared the way towards a door and hammered Gonzales from wall to wall. He delivered a double stomp for a near-fall and got backdropped to the floor. Gonzales chopped up Troy again and used a fan to deliver a Tornado DDT to the floor. Troy refused to die so Gonzales mauled him with chair shots and placed it on him for a Standing Moonsault. That again got two and the pair fought over Door-VDs. Troy hit low and delivered a Styles Clash to the floor. That should have been it but Gonzales stayed in it. Troy refused to use the door so Gonzales threw him into the ceiling beam of the bar and pelted him with a chair. A Door-VD later and the match was won. Gonzales had shut Troy up and taken the win in a fun hybrid no-ring hardcore brawl. Troy did bring wrestling to the table but his reluctance to adapt to his surroundings cost him.
Live experience: This was great. Troy spent a good ten minutes before the match pissing everyone off with a barrage of cliché and not so cliché attacks before the fight even began. It was nice to see the mix of wrestling styles and it was hilarious hearing the crowd go off the whole time. Gonzales really brought it and the shit they pulled off in such a small space was impressive as hell to see. Being front and centre for the Door-VD made it all the more impactful.
Number One Contender Casket: Tommbie defeated Alton Throne via Nettle Casket Disaster
How do you decide on who should be your next contender at the title? Well, why not pick two of the scariest motherfuckers you know and put them in a casket match? King Freak Alton Thorne and the Deathmatch Slasher Tommbie were just those sick monsters that the company needed to get the blood flowing. Someone was going to get buried in this one, literally. Tommbie tried to strike quickly with his barbed-wire bat but Thorne cut him off with forearms and stomped the shit out of him. Tommbie struck back and the pair slugged it out, throwing nasty bombs at the other’s jaw. Thorne scored another knockdown and went to the fuckery buffet, bringing out a barrage of records. He smashed a bunch over Tommbie’s head and dared his opponent to do the same, some records smashing and others staying strong as bludgeons (including an invincible Cliff Richard record.) Tommbie got the better of the exchange with a record punch and frisbee throw but Thorne quickly recovered and stabbed him in the head with a shard. He continued with a massacre of chair shots and made a blood mask with the crimson leaking from Tommbie’s skull. Tommbie took this as an insult and went back on the attack with more chair shots and a chair-assisted senton. He carved up Thorne with the barbed-wire coffin lid and tried to bury him. Thorne fought it off so Tommbie tried to make him braindead with more chair shots and coffin lid hits. Thorne hit Tommbie in the ribs and dragged headfirst across the barbed wire. He went keyboard warrior mode with keyboards and cut up Tommbie with another record. He threw Tommbie into the coffin but once again, it couldn’t be sealed.
Goth Lesnar elbowed the fuck out of Thorne and kicked him to the floor for more broken records to the skull. Thorne went for a choke and tried to crush Tommbie’s head under his boot. Again, Tommbie rose like the dead, carved into Thorne’s back, and got out tattoo needles. Thorne cut him off and stabbed Tommbie with his own needles. Not to be outdone, Tommbie applied a choke and skewered Thorne. The pair punched the objects out of the other’s head and Tommbie caught Thorne’s kick to stab him in the leg with a rogue skewer. Tommbie tried to seal the deal again but Thorne fought against the wire to push the lid aside. He attacked with a knuckle duster of wire and slammed Tommbie onto the lid. Thorne stunned Tommbie with a headbutt and filled the coffin with nettles, the mad bastard even ate one to prove his point. He slapped some into Tommbie’s wounds and tried to tear his mouth apart with more wire using a chair platform. That platform bit him in the ass though as Tommbie turned it into an electric chair driver. He hammered Thorne with his barbed-wire bat and sealed the lid, cementing himself as the number one contender.
Live experience: There’s something fun about having to dodge record chunks. This match was a lot more centralised than the first but also upped the ante with weaponry. As the first casket match, I’ve seen in person, it definitely delivered and even I audibly gasped when nettles were brought into the mix, who the hell does that?
KCW DeathWolf/RISE Hardcore Title: Big F’N Joe defeated Tyler Devlin via Glass Contraption DVD
Last but not least, the main event. It was time for a double title deathmatch between the man who runs every fucking town he goes to and the man who turned the whole deathmatch world against him. Tyler Devlin had taken the RISE Hardcore Title and now he wanted Joe’s DeathWolf title too. it was going to get very ugly here as Joe wanted to take some bloody retribution on Devlin. There were no formal introductions for this one. Devlin went right after Joe with tubes and had to dodge machete shots as Joe tried to defend himself. The tubes to the head weren’t having much effect so Devlin broke a bundle across Joe’s legs. He mauled Joe with an overwrapped barbed-wire bat and dumped Joe in the glass pile with a DDT. Joe tanked more glass to the skull and started nailing Devlin with the wired bat, carving it into Devlin’s forehead. He did the same with broken tubes as the crowd erupted. The wall became Devlin’s enemy too as Joe used it to break more tubes into him. Joe had the fans hold more tubes like the world’s deadliest limbo bar and after breaking those tubes, grated off some of Delvin’s forehead with a cheese grater. He tried to force Devlin to take a seat but it broke and had the invincible Cliff Richard record snatched away from him and turned on him. It was ground into his head but still wouldn’t break. A chair covered in lit candles was brought into play and after battling around the “hot seat”, Devlin took more tubes to Joe’s head and forced him to fall onto it. Joe’s trunks were now a bright red from the wax and soon the rest of him was too as Devlin smashed him with the chair. Joe wouldn’t give up though so Devlin used the wall to break more tubes into his back and scared everyone by kicking a bundle into his neck, causing a scary blood leakage. The medic thankfully cleared him and the fight went into the courtyard. Joe was in a rage and mauled Devlin with more tubes.
They had a tube duel on some picnic tables and took turns smashing the glass over the other’s heads. Joe won the exchange and pursued Devlin to the end of the beer garden where he cut into Devlin further with another broken tube. Devlin trapped Joe on a picnic table and climbed to the top of the beer garden wall. He leaped into a body pile with a Swanton but Joe wasn’t a part of that pile and had craftily dodged the move. Joe incapacitated Devlin with another record in the gob and dragged more bloody grooves through Devlin by slamming his head onto the table. They climbed the table again and fought around a glass contraption. Just when Devlin looked to have the upper hand, Joe cock shot him into a DVD and put him through the glass and wood. That got him the win and made him a double champion in British deathmatch. Love him or hate him, Devlin had left his mark as these two beat the utter shit out of each other. It was violent as hell, glassy as hell, and bloody as hell. Joe remains the runner of the town and Devlin was sent home cut up and titleless. What a way to end a show with a bang.
Live Experience: This is where shit got properly fun. The first two matches had set the tone, now it was time to dodge glass and get the real front-row deathmatch experience. This was wild, the action was everywhere, the floor was pure glass and blood by the end and I even found a bit of wax on my hoodie from the chair. That is all part of the fun of these things. Big F’N Joe and Devlin lived up to their reputations and put on one hell of a hurricane of violence. If you can get to a Kumite show, you should, there’s nothing quite like some UK-Style, no-ring fuckery.
All images courtesy of KCW/KCW Instagram,