WARNING: STRONG VIOLENCE AND LANGUAGE AHEAD
Welcome back to DMDU and to the final show of 2021. The company has had a turbulent debut year and after making history, they wanted to end with a bang. Plus, they seemed determined to remind us all of one of the hardest video game challenges of the modern era. On the cards tonight, we’d see Aysha and Murdoch in a couples’ therapy match, the Anti-Deathmatch Party vs Big Dude Energy, Kid Valiant vs Jake Navara in a mask vs hair match and much much more leading to Callen Butcher’s first defence of the DMDU Australian Deathmatch Title against long-time foe and fellow deathmatch champion, Gweedo. It was all to play for in this final song of 2021, would they 100% it or would the fans boo them off? Let’s get into the carnage.
Mike Kaos defeated Tom Barrett via Double Touch of Death
To celebrate the return to Ballarat, the show opened with an opening banger between the Slim Reaper Mike Kaos and the juggernaut Tom Barrett. These two had few fucks to give and plenty to prove so it was going to be interesting to see what they could achieve. Kaos launched himself out of the gate and quickly dropped Barrett on his face with a rope-walking DDT. Barrett fled and Kaos followed him out with a Cannonball. Barrett upped the intensity with hard elbows and a kitchen sink knee, then stomped out Kaos in the corner. He kept mauling Kaos around the ring, methodically breaking him down as the fans shouted their disapproval. Even when Kaos thought he was getting back into things, Barrett just slammed him back into the corner. Multiple Suplexes followed and Kaos was thrown from corner to corner. Kaos struck back with a German of his own but Barrett popped right back up and dumped him with a Dragon. Once again, Kaos followed and went to the top but Barret cut him off and knocked him against a wall. Kaos collapsed and Barret dragged him back in with a draping DDT. Kaos refused to die and countered a Fisherman Buster to end things with two Touch of Death knee strikes. The Slim Reaper had taken the win but his durability had been tested by the might of Tom Barrett and his deadly strength. An excellent opener that gave Kaos his first win in the company.
JXT defeated Chanel Phoenix via Leverage Pin
Up next, it was time for the franchise of DMDU, JXT to make his appearance for the show. He was going to be taking on the MMA-infused fighter, Chanel Phoenix. After winning the scramble at Pressure, she was starting to build a wave, would it wipe out JXT? Most people were hoping to see her beat the shit out of him. JXT opened in his usual cocky manner but Phoenix remained focused and battered him with a Sidewalk Slam. She pursued him with lethal kicks and chided him for running away. He tried to leave the venue so Phoenix followed him out and threw him back in, dumping him over the main staircase to a body pile below. JXT ambushed her as she got back in the ring, hammering her with hard shots and choking her out in the ropes. The beatdown continued but the low ceiling caused him problems too and he missed the elbow drop. Phoenix tried to charge but JXT caught her into an Abdominal Stretch, frequently grabbing the ropes for added pressure. Jay got so sick of this they booted away his arm and Phoenix launched him with a hip toss. She kept throwing him around the ring and tried for a Cross Armbreaker but JXT rolled her up. Phoenix tried to apply it again but JXT went to the ropes, then trapped her legs for a Figure Four. Phoenix reversed the pressure and nailed JXT with another German. They battled over the Cross Armbreaker again and JXT went for another roll-up, using the ropes for leverage. Phoenix couldn’t break free and JXT took the win by being a sneaky bastard. Once again, Phoenix proved she’s tough as nails but JXT used his brains and rule-bending to take the win. It did make for compelling viewing though.
Couples Therapy: Aysha defeated Murdoch via Red Alert
Sometimes couples fight. Sometimes tag teams fight. What happens when you’re in both together? Well, it seems you have a couples therapy match. Aysha had been left unimpressed by Murdoch’s performance in their most recent outing and so she was going to whip him back into shape with a singles match. Murdoch tried to take the contest lightly during the opening grappling so Aysha looked to make him work, throwing in some mocking of her own. Murdoch upped the ante with power and a Sling-blade but only got two. Aysha was shocked Murdoch had tried to hurt her and brought out the chairs. Jay stopped them and also grabbed a chair, playing therapist as they talked it out. Aysha came to the conclusion the answer was chops but Murdoch no-sold them and tripped her down for a senton. He missed a second and got stomped out for it, Aysha beating the hell out of him. Murdoch ran her into a corner for an Enzuigiri and placed her on the top rope but she used this to her advantage and snapped him to the mat with a Tornado Suplex. She just kept going with more chokes, boots and a Swinging Neckbreaker. He kept kicking out and nearly took the win with a roll-up as Aysha chatted with the crowd. Aysha kept kicking but Murdoch dodged the Guillotine Leg Drop and floored her with clotheslines into a cuddling slam. The bombs kept coming but no one would stay down. Even Jay was losing their patience with it as Murdoch nor Aysha would stay down. Murdoch’s apprehension got the better of him as he had second thoughts on a cannonball so Aysha capitalised with Red Alert and took the win. The couple hugged it out, proving this bizarre form of therapy had worked and provided us with a very fun, semi-comedic little bout.
Anti-Deathmatch Party (Mr Wrestling Mitchell Wright & Hector Jones) defeated Big Dude Energy (Big Dave & Ricky Gilmore) via Crossface Chicken-Wing on Big Dave
Okay, I love Big Dude Energy. I hate the Anti-Deathmatch Party. I think it’s quite easy to see what I want to happen here. The ADP made a mark at Pressure by attacking the deathmatch division, now BDE had been enlisted to get some payback on Mr Wrestling Mitchell Wright and his protegee Cutthroat Hector Jones. After making themselves persona non grata on the mic, ADP had to prepare for a big dude beatdown. Gilmore and Wright opened with chain wrestling and Wright tried to cheat during a knockdown challenge so Gilmore put him on his arse. BDE hit their leapfrog attack and Wright retreated to his corner to tag in Jones. Big Dave threw Jones around the ring and tagged in Gilmore for a Big Dude version of Total Elimination. Jones played possum by faking an injury and Gilmore, being too nice for his own good, went to check. He was driven into the buckles and the ADP began to work him over. Gilmore took an absolute beating from the ADP but managed to reverse a single-leg Crab and brought in Big Dave. The ADP tried to outmanoeuvre Dave with a sneaky temple punch into a double Suplex but Dave used the ceiling to counter and suplexed the pair of them. BDE hit the double backdrop and prepared for the Big Dude Slam. Jones saved Wright and Wright used the chance to lock Dave in the Crossface Chicken-Wing and take the win. This match was pure ADP evilness at its best. As much as I hate them, I love to see their work. BDE were the perfect underdogs that just couldn’t get it done due to sneaky bullshit. This was great. What was not so great, was their clear lack of sportsmanship as they attacked BDE post-match. Callen Butcher scared them off, threatening to cut off Jones’ needle-dick with pliers. Come January 2022, it’ll be Big Deathmatch Energy vs Anti-Deathmatch Party.
Four Corners of Pain: Mad Dog defeated Will Walker via Fuckery Pit Piledriver
We went from Anti-Death to pure death as Will Walker looked to continue his deathmatch journey. The Main Character had gone from being a stand-in to demanding deathmatch opportunities with the best DMDU had to offer. Now, he was getting Mad Dog, the deathmatch icon in a Four Corners of Pain match. Would he survive this encounter? Mad Dog wasn’t fucking around for this one, he attacked instantly and drove Walker into a bed of nails. Walker returned the favour with a Cazadora and followed it up with a Spinebuster. Mad Dog kicked out quickly so Walker mangled his arm in the bed of nails and got bounced off it again as Mad Dog just yanked him down. Walker collapsed against it and Mad Dog drove him in further with a dropkick. Things got worse as Mad Dog dragged out a tack pit and plonked Walker in them with a Backslide. Walker fired back with a German and dumped Mad Dog in the tacks with a bodyslam. He evaded death again and Curb-Stomped Mad Dog into the tacks again. The fight broke to the outside and Walker threw himself at Mad Dog with a Suicide Dive. Mad Dog made him pay for that by stabbing him in the head with a spike. Mad Dog was bounced off the ring post and got thrown back into the ring and a barbed-wire door. Walker thought his agility would save him but Mad Dog caught him onto his shoulders and broke the wired door with a Door-VD. Walker superkicked his way back into the action and dropped Mad Dog onto the tacks again with a DDT. Mad Dog still wouldn’t stay down and caused some mutually assured destruction with a double lariat. Light tubes entered the mix and Mad Dog headbutted one into Walker. More tubes were put in the tack pit and Mad Dog reversed two attempts at death from Walker to land a fuckery pit Piledriver. Once again, Will Walker died in a deathmatch. Honestly though, it’s so compelling to see him try that I’d watch so many more. Walker always gives it his best but sometimes it’s not enough, especially not against someone like Mad Dog, who is the Australian Legend of this shit. Though he did earn his respect.
Mask vs Hair: Jake Navara defeated Kid Valiant via Metal Door Powerbomb
How’s this for a grudge match? Last time these two met, Kid Valiant lost his mask. Now, he was putting that anonymity on the line for good if it meant getting another shot at Jake Navara. We know Navara hates masks but was he going to be good enough to leave tonight with his hair intact? Valiant tried to rush in with a chair and Navara tried to temper that fire with quick elbow drops and slams. Valiant kicked back into Sliced Bread and Curb Stomped Navara onto the chair. Navara kicked out and bailed so Valiant followed him out with a dive, partially eating shit on it but being way too fired up to care. Valiant forced him to take a seat and Navara kindly tripped him into the chair with a drop toe hold. It was Valiant’s turn to flee and Navara pursued him, throwing him into the ringside furniture. He brought out more chairs and massacred Valiant with hard punches to the head. Valiant tried to pick the pace up again but Navara just countered into a Bridging Northern Lights. Valiant kicked out so Navara got a metal door and a Christmas tree from under the ring. They danced around the Christmas tree and Navara dumped Valiant with another Suplex. He dropped in with a Splash and Olympic slammed the metal door onto him.
Valiant still wouldn’t die so Navara rained down, even more, punches and ground his face into the wired Christmas tree. Valiant avoided death with a Gamengiri and bent the metal door with Navara’s body. He hoisted Navara up again and broke the tree with another Sliced Bread. Navara got the shoulder up and stopped Valiant in his tracks with a low blow. He drilled Valiant with a headlock Driver onto another chair but Valiant wasn’t ready to give in. Navara had another door brought in and threw the tree at Valiant. The ring was covered in tacks and Valiant hit low but couldn’t capitalise. They fought to the top and Navara crotched himself after headbutting the ceiling. Valiant tried to capitalise again but Navara caught him and slammed him into the tacks. He powerbombed Valiant through the door and got the three-count. Valiant would have to unmask. It had taken everything Navara had and the entry into hardcore territory to accomplish it but he’d done it. His hair was safe and he’d put his most troublesome student in his place again. Mask vs Hair matches are always high-stakes and these two managed to hold to that tradition with their no holds barred nightmare. Even better, Valiant will be fine without his mask.
DMDU Australian Deathmatch Wrestling Title: Callen Butcher defeated Gweedo via Package Piledriver to Hell
Time to get extreme again. it was time for a baptism by fire as Callen Butcher had his first defence of the Australian Deathmatch Title. He’d fought through hell to get it and now he was going to have to fight like hell to keep it. His first challenger, his arch-nemesis, the sire of barbed-wire, Gweedo. Ever since these two locked horns, Butcher has always fallen in singles encounters. Was he finally going to break that curse here? It would be Australian Death vs Total Violence. It opened with a hockey fight and tube headbutts. Gweedo tried to grind glass into Butcher’s head so Butcher just scooped him up and slammed him onto a pile of tubes. They brawled around ringside and Butcher launched Gweedo into a nearby pillar. Gweedo fired back with an 8×10 to the head and splatted Butcher into a wall. Gweedo enjoyed a beer and smashed the can into the face of Butcher. The ring was broken apart and Gweedo took the fight to the stage, parting the sea of fans with Butcher’s body and setting up a door as he did so. The Noodle Slicer came out to play and Butcher got some revenge with a Guitar Hero controller. Gweedo did the same and smashed a gusset covered controller into Butcher’s arm. It didn’t stun Butcher though as much like before, he scooped Gweedo up and slammed him through a barbed-wire drum kit. With a beautiful name drop, Butcher brained Gweedo with another guitar and he fell off the stage, through the door contraption. Gweedo kicked out at two and delivered two nasty nutcrackers to Butcher.
He dived onto Butcher from the stairs and brought the fight back to the semi-dismantled ring. A tube door covered a gateway to hell and Gweedo countered an Executioner Elbow with another punch to the plums into a Shoryuken. Butcher also hit low and sent them both to hell with a Package Piledriver. Butcher dragged them both to the surface for the pin and got the three-count. He’d finally overcome Gweedo in a singles match but it had certainly required a good dose of mutually assured destruction. This was wild, full of fucked-up weaponry and fun as hell. This ended DMDU’s 2021 with the loudest of bangs and another confirmation of why Butcher holds that belt. Butcher sent the fans home happy with a heart-warming speech and Gweedo remained defiant, he’s going to haunt Butcher like a ghost. What a fucking show, what a selection of matches and what a lot of madcap moments. Bring it on 2022.
All images courtesy of DMDU, Digital Beard