On tonight’s episode, Becky Lynch will tell us why she attacked Bianca Belair (presumably it’s because they’re WrestleMania opponents who have been bitching at each other since SummerSlam). Belair suffered a fractured hyoid bone in her throat in the attack and will be out for “an unspecified amount of time”. RK-Bro will face Alpha Academy for approximately the thousandth time this year. Finn Balor will be looking to kick the shit out of Austin Theory for costing him his match against Damian Priest and attacking him after it. And AJ Styles is coming back.

I’m Amanda and this is the RAW review.

Match Results

The Mysterios def. The Dirty Dawgs

Omos def. Apollo Crews & Commander Azeez

Natalya & Shayna Baszler def. Rhea Ripley & Liv Morgan

Finn Balor def. Austin Theory

RK-Bro def. Alpha Academy

Dana Brooke & Reggie def Tamina & Akira Tozawa

AJ Styles def. Seth Rollins (DQ)

The Show

♦ Stone Cold Steve Auston’s music started the show, but it was Kevin Owens dressed as Austin who appeared, complete with a poorly applied bald cap but still with his own beard. He was unhappy that the crowd wasn’t on board with his impersonation… which shows taste on their part because it was weird, not funny, and not terribly engaging. Owens is better than this.

Anyway, Austin’s music went again halfway through Owens’ ramblings and for a moment Kevin Owens looked worried, but it was just another trick. He failed to catch the thrown beer and bitched out the thrower. He made him get in the ring and hand him the beer, then gave him a stunner and poured the beers over him.

Genuinely one of the worst opening segments in ages.

♦ Kevin Patrick asked Seth Rollins about his state of mind knowing he wasn’t going to WrestleMania. The crowd started a “Cody” chant in the background. Rollins laughed and said, “Let me borrow this” as he took the mic and left.

♦ The Mysterios vs The Dirty Dawgs took place with The Miz on commentary, so little attention was initially paid to the match.

Seth Rollins appeared just after The Mysterios had taken Roode and Ziggler down on the outside, and demanded a WrestleMania spot that’s going to live forever. His mic kept cutting out and we went to a break with him yelling about them trying to shut him up.

Rollins had been removed by the time we came back and the action was too fast and furious for even Miz to overshadow it. Dominik Mysterio got the pin on Robert Roode off a 619 and frog splash. Ziggler superkicked Dominik in the face while the ref was raising his hand. When Rey chased Ziggler, Miz grabbed him and gave him a Skull Crushing Finale, then removed his mask and took it with him… which is a little too disrespectful.

Dominik called for a towel to cover his father’s face.

Backstage, Seth Rollins demanded his WrestleMania spotlight from Adam Pearce and Sonya Deville. Pearce said acting like a lunatic won’t get him what he wants. Deville reminded him he had an opportunity last week and failed. Pearce asked him to leave him with it because there might be something he can do, and Rollins left with his maniacal laugh.

♦ The Miz told Kevin Patrick that Logan Paul was a massive Rey Mysterio fan as a child and wanted a mask of his own, but grew up to realise Rey and his son are jerks. They’ve tried to humiliate him and Paul, but he actually humiliated them. He told Logan Paul, through the camera, that Rey Mysterio’s mask was for him and dared him to wear it at WrestleMania.

♦ Roman Reigns and Brock Lesnar will both be on RAW next week.

♦ Omos vs Apollo Crews & Commander Azeez – 2 on 1 Handicap Match – was ridiculous. It took ages to get started because they were fighting on the outside. Omos had more or less coped with both together, then faced a situation where he only had to deal with them one at a time. So, he dealt with both of them, stopping to tell Crews the fact Azeez was on the mat was his fault before he slammed him and dragged him on top of Azeez to pin them both.

After the match, Omos said it doesn’t matter how big they are or how many there are. He’s undefeated and whoever steps up against him will be dominated, whether that’s at RAW or WrestleMania.

♦ After a recap of Edge’s new attitude, AJ Styles made his return to RAW and got appreciative chants from the crowd. He’s been at home recovering from an injury with nothing but time on his hands. He’s watched the clip of what Edge did to him repeatedly until he thought he was going mad and just wanted to be alone. Then Edge popped up on RAW to explain why, but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t want answers. He wants to kick Edge’s teeth down his throat. Edge will get the pitbull he wanted at WrestleMania, but they don’t have to wait that long.

He called Edge out, then called him a coward for not coming out. Seth Rollins arrived instead.

Rollins told the crowd “Rumours don’t make moments” when the “Cody” chants started again. He was there to check whether Styles was capable of fighting Edge at WrestleMania, and offered to take the match for him so he could rest up and get to 100%.

Styles said no, as long as he’s able to walk he’ll be at WrestleMania. Rollins asked if that meant he could have his place if he got taken out and Styles told him he knew what he was trying to do. He was right, Rollins asked the crowd if they wanted them to have a Winner Goes to WrestleMania match. Styles said he’s not giving his opportunity up but he’ll do what Rollins couldn’t. He’ll destroy Edge at WrestleMania and then they’ll get back to them.

Adam Pearce and Sonya Deville came out to tell Rollins he is getting one last chance. If he can defeat Styles, he’ll replace him. Styles reacted by punching Rollins in the face.

Backstage, AJ Styles told Pearce and Deville they both suck at their jobs for giving in to Seth Rollins’ tantrums. He’s not wrong, it’s a terrible management strategy.

♦ Queen Zelina doesn’t think Carmella is focusing on their tag team title defence enough. Carmella doesn’t think Vega is putting enough focus on Carmella’s wedding. It got heated enough that Vega threw Carmella’s phone and called her a bridezilla. Carmella called Vega a hobbit. And they had to be pulled apart by officials.

♦ Liv Morgan & Rhea Ripley vs Natalya & Shayna Baszler happened because Natalya and Baszler have been added to the women’s tag match at WrestleMania, to make it a fatal four-way. That was a Sonya Deville reward for invading the ring, destroying a good match featuring Ripley and Morgan, and beating everyone up. This match was not as good as the one on SmackDown they wrecked, but it was decent enough. Ripley and Morgan are a very natural team.

We lost Corey Graves when Carmella came to ringside to complain to him about Vega. No loss at this point. Liv Morgan was isolated by Baszler and Natalya when Baszler pulled Ripley off the apron and she banged her head. With no one to turn to, Morgan was pinned off a double-team. Ripley made it back in to chase them off during their celebrations.

Vega attacked Ripley with her sceptre while she was checking on Morgan. Carmella attacked Baszler and Natalya on the outside, and the tag champs hugged in the ring.

♦ Becky Lynch came to the ring amid speculation from commentary that Bianca Belair might not be cleared by WrestleMania. She was in a philosophical mood, asking “What does it profit a man to gain the world and lose his soul”. For her, gaining the world meant getting her title back after fifteen months without it. It has become her world, her everything, who she is. And when the WWE Universe chose Belair over her she knew she would sell her soul to keep the title.

Belair doesn’t have what it takes to beat her. Belair injured her by accident, but she injured Belair on purpose. This week she was going to take Belair’s hair, but she’s not here. Maybe it’s because she put her in the hospital, or maybe it’s because Belair knows losing her hair would be like losing part of her soul, and she doesn’t want to lose her soul. Lynch had already sold hers and she’d sell it every day of the week if it means keeping her title.

So, the answer to her philosophy question? She’ll show the world at WrestleMania if Belair makes it.

♦ Veer Mahaan will arrive on RAW on April 4th. Did he get the record for the highest number of pre-arrival vignettes?

♦ Sarah Schreiber asked Austin Theory what he thought of Pat McAfee’s apology on SmackDown. Theory said he didn’t care it wasn’t sincere, it was just smart of McAfee to apologise and save his job. McAfee’s got no business being in the ring and he better be careful or he’ll have a word with his mentor and McAfee might not have a job at all.

He’s going to take one more post-victory selfie with Balor tonight, on his road to WrestleMania.

Pat McAfee was announced as the Special Guest Commentator for Finn Balor vs Austin Theory when both competitors were in the ring.  McAfee didn’t so much commentate as distract Theory from ringside until Balor dropkicked him into a barricade and we went for a break. He was on the desk when we returned, briefly, then he went to the apron to cheerlead Balor for a minute. When he got back, he excitedly said he was going to try Balor’s and everyone’s moves to beat Theory at WrestleMania.

McAfee caused another distraction when Balor was in trouble, and again it saved him. I didn’t like Pat McAfee when he started at NXT or on SmackDown. I am happy to admit I was very wrong. He’s great. His distractions helped Balor get the win and Finn Balor rewarded him by letting him do the arms thing on the stage with him.

♦ Chad Gable wittered on for so long before Alpha Academy vs RK-Bro, I was tempted to go and make a coffee. All he actually said was RK-Bro shouldn’t have made a tag match against Street Profits and it shouldn’t be a triple-threat, but they’re going to win. He just used an awful lot of words to say it. The match was fine, like its many, many, predecessors. Riddle pinned Gabel with Bro-Derek after Gable missed a tag. Otis knocked Randy Orton over the barricade after the match and went for Riddle. Montez Ford and Angelo Dawkins rescued him from Otis, then gave him their double team finisher to remind him they want the titles too.

♦ The Bella Twins were honoured with a video package as part of Women’s History Month.

♦ Gable Steveson retired from amateur wrestling after becoming two-time NCAA Champion, winning back-to-back championships. He’s on his way to WWE.

♦ After Dana Brooke beat Tamina last week and Akira Tozawa got upset about it, they got into an altercation backstage. This week, Dana Brooke & Reggie vs Tamina & Akira Tozawa was another tag match. A tornado tag, this time and they called it intergender. Dana Brooke got up on Reggie’s shoulders to start, but Tozawa couldn’t lift Tamina, so she lifted him. Under a minute later, Brooke and Reggie tossed Tozawa into Tamina in the corner. Brooke splashed them and Tamina fell on Tozawa, headbutting him in the balls. Reggie pinned him and that was that. Not intergender wrestling. Barely a match.

Tamina gave Tozawa a fireman’s carry out of the arena.

♦ AJ Styles vs Seth Rollins – Winner Faces Edge at WrestleMania – was the main event. Neither of them wanted to give an inch, but neither was truly at 100%. Styles wiped out against the turnbuckle when Rollins dodged him and slipped out of the ring. Rollins almost got a count-out from that and Rollins thought he was home and dry. But Styles kicked out of his next pin so Rollins set about systematically destroying him. Commentary speculated that Styles was operating on instinct and had no idea where he was, but he kept kicking out.

Styles was laid out at ringside after a Rollins suicide dive that sent him into the announce desk, spine first, as we went to the final ads. When we came back, they were back in the ring but Styles didn’t appear able to stand.

If Rollins hadn’t stopped hitting him to explain how much he needed the match and that he liked Styles and just wanted him to go home and recover, he might have got to the pin at that point. But trash-talk has magical reviving properties and it worked on Styles, at least enough for him to get a two count off a neckbreaker and earn himself a little breathing space.

Rollins kicked out of Styles’ next pin attempt, a follow-up to planting him, and got out of the Styles Clash before it could be delivered. Styles, in return, kicked out of a falcon arrow. He countered Rollins’ buckle bomb into a suplex into the corner. Rollins somehow kicked out of a rack bomb after hurting his knee being dragged off the turnbuckle and met a Phenomenal Forearm with a superkick and buckle bomb. Styles met Rollins’ frog splash with his knees.

Edge hit AJ Styles with a chair as he was setting up for another Phenomenal Forearm attempt, handing Styles the match and ensuring his WrestleMania opponent goes unchanged.

Seth Rollins was furious. He grabbed a mic, got on the announce desk, and called it bullshit. Monday Night RAW isn’t happening next week unless he gets his WrestleMania moment. He trashed the ringside area to general jeers and a sprinkling of  “Cody” chants. It’s really not possible to keep returns secret in 2022.

Next week, The Miz faces Rey Mysterio, Roman Reigns and Brock Lesnar will be on RAW, Alpha Academy take on Street Profits, Rhea Ripley, Liv Morgan, Sasha Bans, & Naomi team to face Queen Zelina, Carmella, Shayna Baszler, & Natalya. It’s also the go-home show for WrestleMania, so it’s worth checking in to see what happens.