Welcome back to H2O and to another weekend of ultraviolence. As a precursor to tomorrow’s tournament, we had another super-show of title fights, grudge matches, and opportunities for the new and veteran generations of the company. Some change was in the air but that electric atmosphere that always followed H2O shows remained the same. On the card tonight, Reid Walker vs Rocket, Austin Luke vs Ryan Redfield, Matt Tremont vs Otis Cogar, The Kirks vs Jess Moss and Deklan Grant, Kennedi Copeland vs Adonis Valerio 2: Hair vs Title, and much much more leading to the main event bloodbath between Lucky 13 and Neil Diamond Cutter for the Danny Havoc Hardcore Title. Let’s get into the madness.

Frank Bonetti defeated Nick Grande via Diving Headbutt

Up first was another blast of action for the rising stars. We had former Undiscovered champion Nick Grande in action against the new gun on the scene, the ref turned ass-kicker, Frank Bonetti. This was going to be a nice clash of styles and promised to open the show right. I was proven right as what followed was a scrappy but interesting bout. When the match was between the ropes, we had Grande taking the lead and besting Bonetti. The second it got outside, Bonetti took full advantage with a wall slam and used every dirty trick he had in the book to keep Grande blinded and incapacitated. It was ruthless and driven as Bonetti looked to make a point at Grande’s expense. The fans were able to temporarily will Grande back into the fight but it only lasted so long and he finally succumbed to the abuse he’d taken. Bonetti got a big win here but it hadn’t been easy and he’d had to use several dirty tricks to beat the former champ.

Reid Walker defeated Rocket (w/Celcio Vega) via Bridging Tiger Bomb

Time to pick up the pace with two aerial extremists. Rocket, the Alien of H2O is known for making gravity his bitch and was about to lock up with someone who was equally as gifted at taking to the air, the H2O golden star, Reid Walker. This one threatened to break the sound barrier with the potential speed these academy standouts could reach. They started off showing they were more than one-trick ponies with a technical showcase, Rocket showing some innovative locks and escapes. Walker did what he did best and start putting the lock on Rocket but Vega proved to be the equaliser and took the wind out of Walker’s sails, allowing Rocket a chance to get some vengeance for the hurt Walker had put on him, especially for the sickening Armbreaker. The match broke into a competitive slug-fest with both guys striking and flying and countering continuously until one was left standing. This time it was Walker but I imagine if you gave these two another round, the result could be different. It was that close. Walker is really kicking off at the moment. He has exploded onto the scene and continues to be one of the standouts, continuously evolving and entertaining. How long before he’s the top guy in H2O? Speaking of stars getting opportunities, Lady Blakely came out after this match to deliver a little message. Since her first taste of deathmatch, she’d wanted more and laid out a challenge. Terra Calaway accepted and come April 23rd, Blakely not only gets her bloodbath but a shot at the ISW Queen of Crazy Title.

H2O Tag Titles Contender 4-way: Endgame (Darien Hardway & Leroy Robinson) defeated Notorious Inc (Drew Blood & Devon Moore). Jeff Cannonball & Duncan Aleem & GG Everson & Mitch Vallen via Frog Splash on Everson

The opportunities kept on coming as we entered a four-way battle to crown new number one contenders for the H2O Tag Team Titles. We had Endgame, the team of Darien Hardway and Leroy Robinson battling Notorious Inc battling Jeff Cannonball, and new best friend Duncan Aleem battling Mitch Vallen and GG Everson. It was an eclectic mix of talents but only one team could secure that bag. Would it be power, wit, or willpower that secured the day? This was a total clusterfuck. Cannonball was going to start the match but then saw Mitch on the other side of the ring and bailed until he was primed for a sneak attack. From there, it was just a mish-mash of action with everyone getting their shit in. Cannonball and Aleem decided they weren’t interested and left halfway through but made sure to send out their newest friend, Myke Quest to kick the crap out of Mitch. With him gone and Notorious Inc battered after a hard fight, Endgame was able to focus on Everson with their power and speed to get the win. they are the new number one contenders and will be a dangerous meeting for the champs whenever they choose to throw down the gauntlet. This was an absolute mess but offered some fun and funny moments before kicking off the action proper.

Austin Luke defeated Ryan Redfield via Brainbusted PK

Time for a proper shit-kicking. We had Big Red Ryan Redfield going one-on-one with Austin Luke in a match that promised to rock some jaws. These two were going to beat the shit out of each other and everyone was going to sit back and enjoy the spectacle. They’d already killed each other once, now it was time to do it in a sanctioned match. What a fucking slugfest. Jesus Christ this was an uncomfortable watch. This was pure striking and suplexing violence as the pair kept eating harsh shots and doling them right back at each other, barely even flinching. It was just wince-inducing shot after wince-inducing shot then heavy landing after heavy landing. These two just didn’t care, popping right back up to knock the other right back down. There was very little pretty in this one as it was purely meant to hurt and hurt a lot. Luke had his nightmarish kicks and Redfield had his lariats. Both saw a whole lot of action in this one. Throw in the continuous suplexes and nasty head drops and you had this match. It was vicious as hell but goddamn did I want to see more of it. Round 2 is needed ASAP.

Unsanctioned Match: Otis Cogar defeated Matt Tremont via Fuckery Board Uranage

We went from striking violence to ultraviolence as Matt Tremont continued his war against the Cogar brothers. After picking a fight in Atlantic City and leaving a cryptic message last show, Otis Cogar was getting a one-on-one encounter with Tremont in a match with no rules attached. These two were going to unleash hell. After a failed sneak attack, Cogar and Tremont went ham on each other with heavy fists and just kept ramping up the action from there. They brained each other with trashcan lids, duelled with tack bats, and just kept throwing hands no matter the blood loss or number of tacks embedded in their epidermis. This was not for the squeamish as Tremont got rather bloody and only got bloodier as Cogar attacked him with a straight razor, giving the crowd a tour of the carving. Tremont gave as good as he got and made sure to use the chairs and even pelted a full fuckery board at Cogar’s head, temporarily stunning the monster for another round of striking horror. Neither could be moved as clotheslines and chops just elicited smiles from these sadists. They were very evenly matched and it took a fuckery board Uranage to finally give Cogar the win after an absolute battle of attrition. That is how you make a statement. You put down the boss in his house, in his match, with his toys. The crowd may not love him but Cogar definitely lived up to the hype he’d managed to make for himself and left his mark on Tremont. I highly doubt this is far from over. Things are never that simple when a Cogar is involved. At least Cogar had left the pig faces at home this time. Thank God for small mercies.

The Kirks defeated Jess Moss & Deklan Grant via Lariat to Grant

One of the truest facts in life is that you don’t come between a man and 90 Day Fiancé. The Kirks had just been chilling, enjoying their evening when Jess Moss and Deklan Grant just had to chat shit. They claim to be the top couple in H2O but that will never be the case until you beat the Kirks. Brandon and Kasey, whether loved or loathed are always the top couple. Now, it was time to put up or shut up in a fight. Things were weird before the fight even started as Brandon gave Mittens a hug. Grant was also feeling generous and stated if the Kirks won tonight, they were getting a title shot but there was a caveat. If they lost, they were out of H2O. The Kirks let their actions do the talking and after twatting Grant with the mic, kicked off a brawl that spanned the venue. It didn’t last and soon Grant and Moss were beating the hell out of Brandon. He took a substantial amount of punishment before dishing it back and unleashing Kasey on the match. Aiding her in kicking ass and helping set up double team combos. Moss and Grant did the same but their deviousness was their undoing as you can’t cheat cheaters. Brandon avoided powder in the face and as Kasey clobbered Moss, he took the win with a Lariat to Grant. That means that Brandon Kirk will have a title shot. The Kirks remain in H2O and it is no longer fuck the Kirks as everyone now loves the Kirks. Well done, Grant, you really shot yourself in the foot here. Not only will you have to defend your title against Kirk, but you also made him popular as hell too. I’d actually love to see Kirk with that belt.

H2O Tag Titles: Endgame defeated Kristian Ross & Chris Bradley via Pedigree Frogsplash combo on Ross

Nothing gets a point across like attacking an innocent ring crew. That’s just what Endgame did to hijack the show. They’d won their contender spot but they didn’t feel like waiting for a future show and decided they wanted their shot right here and right now. Ross and Bradley weren’t going to back down from the challenge and met Endgame in the ring, planning to squash their competition there and then. That was just what they did. The opening was all the champs as they bulldozed the competition. The ref tried to prevent a dive so he became an unwilling weapon as Ross chokeslammed him into Endgame. With the ref gone, they brawled around the venue and destroyed another ref in the process. That meant no one was going to count the falls as they happened. Sensing the gap needed to be filled, a bloodied-up Tremont played ref and watched on as Endgame found their footing and killed off the champs with a Pedigree Frog Splash combo. They’d just caused an upset on Habits night and taken out the champs there and then. They really were the Endgame for Ross and Bradley and now, will have to step up as the new faces of the tag division. It’s a big move but they seem more than capable of doing so.

H2O Hybrid Title vs Hair: Adonis Valerio defeated Kennedi Copeland via Brass Knuckles

Cue up the MCR, it was time for an appearance from Kennedi Copeland. The H2O Hybrid Champion had shut Adonis Valerio up in their last outing but the salty loser hadn’t been all that happy and attacked after the fight. He wanted another shot and had even offered to put up his hair as collateral. The Naughty One talks tough but was he going to be able to avenge the loss he’d received last time or would he soon be feeling the whistle of the wind on his newly bald head? Well, that is a visage we won’t be seeing as he won. Don’t get me wrong, Copeland beat his ass and definitely created a bald spot ripping some of his hair out but in the end, he had his hand raised as the winner. He had held on, taken advantage of a ref bump, and cracked Copeland in the head with brass knuckles to take the win. It was a cheap shot but did anyone expect less from the naughty one? If he hadn’t, I imagine Copeland would have probably broken his arm. She’d laid the groundwork for her armbar repertoire and bludgeoned Valerio thoroughly but one mistake had cost her everything. She left confused and dejected whilst Valerio was over the moon. I doubt we’re going to hear the end of this now that Valerio has a title. I’m really hoping Copeland gets a rematch and kicks his ass.

H2O Danny Havoc Hardcore Title: Lucky 13 defeated Neil Diamond Cutter via Bundled Dragon Stomp

Last but not least, the main event. It was hardcore title time and we had a ring of fuckery to celebrate it. Lucky 13 was back in the H2O Centre and was squaring off with a fellow veteran of the deathmatch scene, the Honey Badger, Neil Diamond Cutter. Whilst it may not have been the originally scheduled main event, it was going to kick ass as both these guys aren’t afraid to fuck someone up and get mental. It was a rough start for Cutter as his grand bundle plan backfired and he was blitzed with multitudes of tubes and dragged through the wreckage they left behind. He played possum and baited 13 into multiple tube headbutts before colliding with a ladder and a very stiff clothesline from 13. The Honey Badger just couldn’t catch a break in this one. That bad luck was further compounded with suplexes into a chair and the ladder as 13 just looked to break him. 13 dropped him again but this time, Cutter popped right back up, pissed off, and ready to glass a bitch. It was 13’s turn to be slammed onto tubes but an attempted ladder senton saw him re-take control as Cutter crashed and burned on the steel. The pair kept slugging it out and took the fight outside where Cutter’s back met even more chairs. The ladder became Cutter’s friend as he used it to cut off a jump and used it as a battering ram. He tried for the Funk Copter but 13 ducked and hit him with a German, ladder still attached to Cutter’s neck.

Cutter still had life left in him and countered a chair Moonsault by pelting the chair and dropping 13 onto the ladder. Cutter struck again with a ladder Moonsault but it turned out the champ still had some gas in the tank too. They both ate shit on a ladder cutter and Cutter felt the sting off two more bundles through a Powerbomb and Package Piledriver. That was the precursor to the end as 13 stuck Cutter’s head in a chair, piled a bundle on too, and hit the Dragon Stomp. That turned out Cutter’s lights and allowed the champ to retain. In a night of changes, he had been the only one to retain. He was cut and bruised with back trauma but he’d done worse to Cutter and kept the title. This rocked and ended the show with a bang as we watched two madmen do what they do best. They celebrated together, had some tube smashing, and headed back. It seemed like the show was done but no, we had one final moment. Chuck Payne came out. He wasn’t the usual raging monster we’d normally see. He was reserved, honest, and talked of the health conditions he was dealing with. His back was hurting bad and there was potentially worse on the table but he kept fighting. For everyone in the company. He was risking it all and to him… it wasn’t worth it. The fans didn’t matter, their opinions didn’t matter (hi Chuck) and the boys in the back couldn’t take him if they tried. That prompted a full-scale brawl as a multitude of the Ultraviolent Kingdom contenders came out for one final scrap. The show ended in anarchy and now, all we can do is wait for the grand tournament. It’s going to be bloody fun.

All images courtesy of H2O, FREEBIRDS_Shop, Marth555

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