Ah, it’s been a while since we’ve been graced by the bloodbaths of DMDU. The first new offering was the prelude to Not Here to Fuck Spiders 2. Pour Decisions was going to give Australia its first taste of the Bloodfighter Alex Colon as he got the main event billing alongside Joel Bateman against Mad Dog and Callen Butcher. Alongside that, we’d have a wealth of new debuts in Tarlee, Purgatory, Redshaw, and a whole host of New Zealand’s most violent players. It was a stacked-out show with title opportunities, laughs, and copious amounts of blood loss. Bateman wanted to give Colon a proper Aussie welcome so you knew they were bringing in the wildest stars they could. Let’s get into the carnage.

Purgatory (Einar the Strange, Amber & Barren) defeated The Chads (Murdoch, Broderick Valentine & Kid Valiant) via Purgatory Body Pile

Well, we were starting strong as we had the ultra-elites of DMDU in action. The Chads had come to town and were going to shit on everything because they were the real sigma humans. It would be Broderick Valentine with Natasha Valentine, Kid Valiant, and Murdoch all flying the Chad banner against the terrifying unit of Purgatory. Einar, Barren, and Amber had crawled away from RCW to bury some Chads and were going to terrify everyone as they did so. It started with Kid Valiant being terrified of the group and only succeeding against Amber (barely) to a fully-formed, chaotic Trios match packed with comedy, terror, and chad antics. Purgatory wasn’t here to mess around and went all-out to try and murder the Chads whilst having a little fun terrifying them in the process. There were great moments throughout and the final visual of Amber standing atop a pile of bodies flanked by her cohorts was a sight to behold. I’m definitely going to be on the lookout for Purgatory again, they fucking killed it here. The Chads, on the other hand, need to go back to the drawing board, they were looking rather beta here.

Vixsin defeated Cadie Tre via Rings of Saturn

Next up was a new face to DMDU. Cadie Tre was paying the company a visit and Vixsin was chosen to be the welcoming committee for the RCW Emerald Crown Champion. This promised to be a very hard-hitting affair as Vixzilla doesn’t tend to do niceties, just brutal beatdowns. This wasn’t pretty. The “Dewg” failed to take Vixsin seriously and got murdered for it. He got his licks in but this was mostly Vixsin throwing him around and clubbing him down for the submission finish. It made for a nice little massacre with Vixsin getting a dominant win over an RCW champ. Not to put down Tre, he was still entertaining. He just also got his ass handed to him. He tried to be a bitch post-match with a sneak attack and got his ass beaten a second time. Don’t mess with Vixsin, it won’t end well for you…

GORE defeated Redshaw via Dominator

Fucking hell. There was a lot of meat in this match. It was DMDU’s ultimate strongman GORE taking on RCW’s powerhouse player, Redshaw. This was two bits of beef with a wealth of technique colliding in a throwdown. Bodies were going to fly and people were going to wince. It was going to get intense. Was GORE about to make a snuff film with the RCW invader? Yep. He came away victorious after an absolute shit-kicking of a match. This played out exactly as I wanted, two strong as hell guys beating the shit out of each other. The two egos colliding led to some absolute marvels of in-ring strongman action and some really funny shit-talking too. Redshaw had nothing but disdain for DMDU and that cost him dearly. He could have killed GORE and instead, left himself open to being ended with the Dominator because he couldn’t stop throwing insults. It all led to one hell of a fun throwdown between two monsters. The invader was destroyed but somehow, I doubt that’s the last we’ll see of him. I for one would love to see another round with these two. Somehow, I feel they’d get even crazier.

Southern Territories Women’s Wrestling Championship: DELTA defeated Tarlee via F5

Time for the first title fight of the night. Tarlee had crossed the country to come to Melbourne and now, as a permanent resident, she was getting her first taste of DMDU. It wasn’t going to be an easy start though as she was facing the Dreadnaught, DELTA. There were going to be some bombs thrown in this one. This started light enough with a competitive but playful exchange of technique and escalated into a battle for survival as the pair continued to one-up each other. These two traded everything, even going back and forth with German Suplexes. It was a tug of war to the very end with DELTA picking up the win with the F5. It had been a hard-fought battle but not quite enough for the challenger. DELTA got to walk away with her belt but Tarlee had gained that first of many Melbourne babyface pop. This isn’t the last we’ll see of Tarlee and I’m looking forward to seeing what else she can do.

Riot City Wrestling Championship: Matt Hayter (w/Redshaw) defeated Emman the Kid via Best Superkick Ever

Holla if you hear him, though you probably wished you hadn’t. All Ego Matt Hayter was gracing DMDU with his presence once again and had brought his dad mode with him, punishing anyone who dared to swear. He was presenting another title challenge and this time it was Emman the Kid taking on the champion. The Golden Boy could have some actual gold if it all went well here. If it ever actually started, Hayter was holding the match hostage until people paid the toll. Once things got going, we had another exceptional bout of high-speed, high-energy, and shenanigans. Once Hayter was done stalling for time, we got a nice blend of Hayter’s mocking offence and Emman’s ridiculous speed. They put together some incredible sequences interlaced with interference from Redshaw, slapstick comedy, and even some rare referee warfare. The RCW-appointed ref was screwing over Emman so he went on the attack and Jay Stevens took over. They ended up getting into it with the RCW ref and after winning that fight, had to count as Hayter to the win with the Superkick. It had been a ridiculous match full of funny moments and excellent wrestling. A change of pace after the double-bill of intense fights before it.

Anti-Deathmatch Party (“Loverboy” Lochy Hendricks, “Mr. Wrestling” Mitchell Wright, Hector Jones & Caity Luxe) defeated Will Walker, Charlie Rose, Xavier Black & Damian Rivers via ADMP Group Submission on Walker

Oh, fuck off. Another DMDU show, another interruption from the most loathsome group in Australian wrestling, the Anti-Deathmatch Party. The Barbershop Quartet of wrestling puritans stopped a perfectly good hardcore four-way between Will Walker, Charlie Rose, Xavier Black, and Damian Rivers so now, the four foes were going to team up and kick their heads in. Sadly, the fuckery wasn’t allowed so the ADMP avoided getting some cuts and wire. For the most part, this was an ADMP tag-team masterclass on the Main Character. Walker was jumped and pummelled until he could finally get his act together. Once shit kicked off proper, it was a free-for-all as everyone from the ragtag team vented their frustrations on the unit of killjoys. Everyone got their moments as Rose was the fired-up bringing of the comeback whilst Black and Rivers played enforcer, picking their moments to fuck up the ADMP. Their efforts were for naught though as Walker was caught again and tapped out with a grim four-person submission to end it. Whilst it sucks they won, I cannot fault the work of the ADMP. They claim to be wrestling purists and whilst they often take shortcuts, they get results. This was a great effort all-round but it can’t last. The ADMP will get what’s coming to them and it won’t be pretty.

Barbed-Wire Massacre: Rugged Vic Craig defeated Downunder via Barbed-Wire Rope-Hung Twisting Flatliner

Time for the bloodshed to begin. It was the first of three deathmatches and we had barbed-wire galore. The fuckery was ready and we had two new faces coming to the company to break it. It would be Downunder and Rugged Vic Craig making their debuts and absolutely murdering each other. This could get very nasty. Craig hadn’t come all the way from New Zealand to fuck spiders, he’d come to fight. What followed was a creative, fuckery-filled fistfight. We had a staple spot early on with Craig getting a ten-dollar bill stapled to his tongue and taking it to the bar for a mid-match beer. He used the bottle as a weapon and we went into the wild, barbed-wire-based devastation. These two cut each other the fuck up and took some of the nastiest landings so far, being buried in spider webs and spools. They threw themselves into the fight and kept trading to the last second. Craig got the win but both were wearing the wounds of war after an absolute mauling from the wired implements of destruction. Equal parts gruesome and entertaining, it made for an excellent start to the gory element of the show.

One Above All-Championship Tubes & Cinderblocks: Horus defeated York via Log Cabin Super DDT

We returned to title town as Heathen Combat sent their champion Horus to defend the belt against one of the most destructive forces in DMDU, York. The Weight of the World is always up for a challenge and giving him cinderblocks always guarantees bloodshed. The New Zealand Duke of the Deathmatch was in for a baptism by fire here. Plus, they were using those demonic skinny tubes. This was fucking mental. It started tame with some chain wrestling and Lucha before Horus found the tubes and started putting them to full effect. With the first tube broken, it became an all-out glass fest with the pair breaking tubes with reckless abandon. The cinderblocks were on the back burner for most of the bout but when they came into play, York made sure to make everyone squeamish with not one but two block and tube sentons. He wanted to crush Horus and did everything in his power to do so. Horus remained resilient and put York through glassy hell, knocking him loopy with countless kicks and Suplexes. This was an absolute horror show but much like a car wreck, you just couldn’t look away. This was gory greatness from both fighters. I honestly hope this isn’t Horus’ only trip to DMDU. I need more from this creative bloodletter. If you can beat York, you know you’re a made man in DMDU.

Tag Team Deathmatch: Blood Fighters (Alex Colon & Joel Bateman) defeated Mad Dog & Callen Butcher via Cross Armbreaker on Butcher

Last but not least, the main event. Alex Colon had come to DMDU to fight the best and you bet your ass DMDU was going to give him it. He’d set his sights on the Australian Deathmatch Title and the champ holding it, Callen Butcher so here was the primer. It would be the Blood Fighters, Joel Bateman, and Alex Colon taking on Butcher and Australian Deathmatch Icon, Mad Dog. This was going to end the show with some fucking fireworks. This erupted in an instant with the Blood Fighters taking out Butcher and Dog with tubes and panes. Butcher and Dog quickly got their revenge and we had an absolute massacre of a tag bout that ventured around the whole venue. There was brawling, bloodshed, and technicality as all four took turns grappling and smashing each other with fuckery as Jay Stevens struggled to keep order. We even saw dual Pearl Harbour Splashes on the outside from Bateman and Colon as they had their opponents out to dry on doors. This gave way to gusset plate headbutts and Mad Dog trapping both Blood Fighters with the world’s toughest glass pane. Colon got another dose of glass through a hanging pane leg drop whilst Bateman and Dog went back-and-forth on glassy power moves. More panes were broken as Colon and Bateman took to the air and just as the chips were down, Colon took the win with the Blood Fighter Clutch into the Cross-Armbreaker, tapping out Butcher. Despite the harsh treatment he’d received from the champ and Mad Dog, he’d kept his wits and found a way to tap out the champ. That sent a message ahead of their big one-on-one and ended the show with a bang. This was fucking awesome. All four guys went to town and just murdered each other. The ring was a blizzard of spooky dust and broken glass, decorated with blood. The even funnier/sad thing was Callen Butcher had just gone through this nightmare on his birthday. Butcher had had a taste, now he knew what to expect when he stepped into the lion’s den.

All images courtesy of DMDU, Jake Hurdle Photography

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