WARNING: STRONG VIOLENCE AND LANGUAGE AHEAD

Welcome back to DMDU and to one hell of an important show. Despite the hilarious title, this was going to be one of the most serious shows to date as a lot of people were stepping up to the plate. Across the show’s runtime, we were going to see Charli Evans vs Joel Bateman 2, Everett Connors vs Edward Dusk, BDE get another shot at the tag titles, Kid Valiant attempt to dethrone Royce Chambers and so much more leading to the main event bloodbath between Alex Colon and Callen Butcher over the Australian Deathmatch Championship. This was the time for Butcher to truly cement himself against one of the best in the world. Let’s get into the carnage.

Mad Dog defeated Tom Barrett via Mad Dog Stretch

The show kicked things off with a hoss fight. It would be the unstable juggernaut Tom Barrett taking on the Australian Deathmatch Icon, Mad Dog. These are two big lads that love to throw people around so they were going to kick things off with a bang and a lot of meaty shots. That’s just what they gave us. A whirlwind of heavy shots and bodies flying. Barrett has come a long way since I first saw him as he was not only going toe-to-toe with but on occasion outdoing Mad Dog in the brawling department. It was a vicious little fight with Barrett’s biggest fault being his need to fly. When it came to lariats and Suplexes, he couldn’t be stopped. All Mad Dog needed was a mistake and he got it when a Swanton missed. Barrett tapped but hell, this was a bloody good showing and Mad Dog was impressed. What a nice way to open things.

Chanel Phoenix & Jordan Samson defeated Seb Matters & Tarlee via Cross-Armbreaker on Matters

Next up was some tag team action as the behemoth team of Chanel Phoenix and Jordan Samson prepared to take on another pair of challengers. The pair had brains, brawn, and technique to rely on but were they going to be caught off-guard by the unorthodox styles of Seb Matters and Tarlee? We saw just some of the power Tarlee has when she fought DELTA, were we going to see even more now? We most certainly did as she threatened to steal the match on every occasion, she got the chance to. She was the hot tag after Matters took an absolute belting from Phoenix and Samson and quickly turned the tide, even launching Samson with a German as Phoenix did the same to Matters. It was a fun little bout that showed off more of what all the fighters are capable of and just how well Phoenix and Samson have gelled as a team. This is just the start for all of them and it’ll be interesting to see if Samson and Phoenix try for tag good and what’s next for Tarlee and Matters. I’d not be surprised if we saw some big things in the near future for Melbourne’s newest resident.

Following that, we had the Anti-Deathmatch Party coming out to hijack the show. You’d think they’d have saved this for the deathmatch portion of the show but no, they wanted their moment and they were stealing it. They’d not even come to fight, just indulge in some masturbatory celebration of their own existence. They were all dolled up and everyone wanted them to fuck off. They even stalled a bit just so the Loverboy could have his grand entrance and piss everyone off even more. Thankfully, the circle-jerk was cut short by technical difficulties and an invasion from the deathmatch division as Mad Dog, Vixsin, Rugged Vic Craig and Joel Bateman gave them all a shit-kicking. The Deathmatch stars put an end to the segment with the satisfying sight of Hendricks being shut up with a Piledriver.

FOX & Big Boris defeated Rochelle Rogue & Izzy Shaw via Tombstone on Shaw

We returned to our regularly scheduled wrestling show with an open challenge. The Big Rig, FOX had been terrorising Broderick Valentine for over a month now and tonight was the night it was supposed to come to a head. Unfortunately, Valentine couldn’t be here so FOX had brought his brother Big Boris along for a scrap. They laid down a gauntlet and it was accepted by the Rogue Warrior Rochelle Rogue and Adelaide’s Izzy Shaw, making her DMDU debut. The young generation was out to kick FOX’s ass. They succeeded at the start but the sheer might of Big Boris proved to be a sticking point and led to the bastards beating on Izzy Shaw for most of the match. They continuously utilised the most traditional of villain tactics to stay ahead and tried to keep Rogue as far out of the match as possible. It didn’t work forever but annoyingly for the new-gen talents, FOX’s ring IQ saved him. In the end, Boris and FOX were able to isolate Shaw again and took her out with a Tombstone, taking the win. It had been a good effort from Rogue and Shaw but Fox and Boris had come up with a game plan.

Edward Dusk defeated Everett Connors via The Empress

It’s been too long since I last saw Everett Connors in a wrestling ring. He’d followed Charli Evans back to Australia and had been chosen as the second sacrifice to Edward Dusk. The Eternal one had already marked DELTA and now, he wanted to do the same to Connors. The problem is, Connors is just as capable at fighting as he is fashion, so this wasn’t going to come easy to Dusk. This fucking rocked. Like there’s no two ways around it. These two started with some mind games and Connors flexing on Dusk and soon descended into a fight for survival. Both guys wouldn’t die, with counters coming thick and fast as the pair just kept on fighting. It was smart, it was fast and it was cool as hell to watch as Dusk and Connors always seemed to have an answer for each other. Dusk had started rough but he made sure to come back with some underhanded tactics and make Connors suffer for having a laugh at his expense. We saw Dusk get the win with another lethal Empress and leave a mark on Connors. It seems that Dusk’s ritual is still going as he prepares to leave more and more sacrifices to his eternal gods. If I had him as an opponent, I’d be scared. He just took Connors’ best and beat him.

Death: Joel Bateman defeated Charli Evans via The KO Headbutt

Time for some blood and for one of the most hotly requested DMDU rematches to date. Joel Bateman and Charli Evans had one of the standout deathmatches last year and now, a year later, they were doing it again. Both have done a hell of a lot since that last match, taking the US by storm and now, it was time to see what blood magic they’d create the second time around. So… this was better than the first one. These two had not come to fuck spiders and just went right to smashing each other with glass. Evans had a tacked-up kick pad and Bateman was all out of mercy. These two combustible elements went above and beyond to not only call back to the first encounter but blow it out of the water with more fuckery, harder strikes and new moves. Bateman was able to kick out of the Ocean Cyclone Suplex this time but never had a chance to hit the Designated Driver, instead opting to use his head, literally. Throw in the bed of nails, skewers and razorblades mixing with the King’s Road storytelling and you had a bloodletting classic. That leaves the pair at one apiece now so… same time next year? Though in an even nicer move, Alex Colon came out to tend to his fellow Blood Fighter and the pair inducted Evans into the group. As someone who has pushed both Colon and Bateman to the limits, this was a well-deserved invitation she wholeheartedly accepted.

Five-Way Fuckery Fest: Damian Rivers defeated Vixsin, York, Xavier Black & Rugged Vic Craig via Concrete Piledriver on York

The violence continued with a five-way deathmatch between some of the best bloodletters from home and away. It would be Damian Rivers vs York vs Xavier Black vs Vixsin vs New Zealand madman Rugged Vic Craig. These five were going to go fucking wild with the toys on offer and the ones they’d all chosen themselves. What a wonderful mess of a match. despite the every person for themselves nature of the fight we saw two distinct units form as York and Rivers briefly reformed the International Violence Connection and Black linked up with Craig to maul the match with some black label violence. There were some horrible landings throughout as York felt the wrath of cut cans, everyone crashed into a Caribbean Spider Web, Vixsin and Black felt the wrath of mousetraps, and lastly, York felt the sting of his own weapon of choice, crushed concrete. It was messy as fuck but provided everyone with a fun little gory hurricane of carnage that gave Damian Rivers a big win. What’s not to love? Everyone came to fight and killed it in the brief time they had.

DMDU Tag Team Titles: Misspent Youth (Aysha & Murdoch) defeated Big Dude Energy (Big Dave & Rickie Gilmore) via Bottled it on Dave

Oh, hell yeah. Big Dude Energy were back and bringing that manic energy to the tag champs once again. The last time these two teams fought, it had gotten pretty nasty. Given Aysha’s change in demeanour over the past few months, I doubt that was going to change here. Regardless, Dave and Gilmore were ready to fight like the whole world was watching. I felt sorry for Jay in this one, there was no way reffing this one was going to be easy for them. Well, I was correct. BDE started strong and had the champs reeling but after Misspent Youth tried to take their balls and go home, a massive brawl broke out around the outside and BDE came off worse. Rickie Gilmore became the match’s punching bag and had to fight off the brawn of Murdoch and the evil genius of Aysha. What a transformation we’ve seen from her over the course of the year. Aysha is now one of the most vicious competitors in the company and she’s purely a technical wrestler discounting title belts and bottles. BDE obviously had their big dude comeback but it didn’t matter, Jay Stevens had been killed earlier in the match when they found themselves crushed between Murdoch and Dave. Aysha got in Murdoch’s ear and he finally caved, giving in to the less than savoury tactics they’d been using to retain and cracked Dave with the champagne bottle. It was a sad end to the match but again, gave us unbridled fun and some absolute savagery from these two teams. BDE are just rookies but you’d never guess it the work they do. It seems no one can dethrone the champs now, especially since both members appear to be on the same page over being dicks

DMDU Heavyweight Championship: Kid Valiant (w/Rochelle Rogue) defeated Royce Chambers via Sky Lord Splash

Here we fucking go. Tune-up Hypa Hypa because a Chad is coming through. Kid Valiant seconded by his partner, Rochelle Rogue was coming to the ring for the title match that he had earned. After pinning Chambers in a tag match, he’d clawed his way through the ranks to get the title match he deserved. Well, after he was done putting his body back together after the encounter with Purgatory. The problem was, he was stepping in there with the Airbender, Royce Chambers. The Menace to Society had won that belt in a rumble, he wasn’t going to go down easy. What followed for a rapid-fire bout as the pair started fast and just kicked into another gear. Chambers weathered the early storm and just murdered Valiant with whatever he felt like hitting. Despite this, Valiant wouldn’t go down and kept finding reserves of energy for counters and his eventual win with a duo of Frog Splashes. Chambers had been the domineering one, but was just suddenly out as Valiant lived up to his name and struck at the right time. What a fucking moment, well done Kid Valiant, you earned it.

DMDU Heavyweight Championship: GORE (W/KrackerJak) defeated Kid Valiant via Dominator

Except… it didn’t end there. Valiant celebrated but the music and cheering were cut off by an all too familiar voice. KrackerJak was out with his brother, the Snuff King GORE. They didn’t like the new champion and were going to abuse the power afforded to KrackerJak in his legend’s contract. He made a title match then and there between Valiant and GORE then twatted Rochelle Rogue with a lariat to make sure they couldn’t interfere with the action. As expected, GORE dominated and took the title in about a minute, murdering Valiant with multiple Powerbombs into the Dominator. The new champ was dead just as quickly as he’d been crowned and the Snuff King had been left with a crown now. it’s a terrifying time to be a heavyweight contender now… It should be noted, that Royce Chambers is stepping away from wrestling for now but he’s been fucking awesome to watch and if he comes back, everyone will be ready to watch him kill it all over again.

Before we could get to the main event, the Anti-Deathmatch party burst back into the scene. They were still embroiled in a war with Mad Dog and had burst back into the ring. More and more bodies entered the fray until a new well, old favourite burst into the frame, Lobo. Mad Dog’s legendary rival had joined this war and started belting the fuck out of Loverboy Lochy Hendricks. Team Deathmatch had a new member and DMDU management had gotten sick of this shit. ADMP were getting their wish and could out-wrestle the deathmatch division… IN FUCKING WARGAMES. The road to the Great Emu Wargames has begun.

Australian Deathmatch Championship: Callen Butcher defeated Alex Colon via Elbow Barrage

Last but not least, the main event. This was going to be a fucking bloodbath. It was the top dog in Australian deathmatch, Callen Butcher putting his title on the line against the International Bloodfighter and one of the G.O.A.Ts of the style, Alex Colon. The challenger already had a win over the champ and now, he was coming for the gold. This was the time for Butcher to step up and show just what he was made of against a backdrop of blood and broken glass. Colon was going to test him like never before. Fucking hell. This started technical but the second tube got involved, the match was doused in crimson. Butcher took a pelt to the face and split his cheek, painting him red from the get-go. As he leaked, Colon just made it worse, dominating the champ with bundles and cuts around ringside. If it could be broken, Colon would break it and there seemed to be little Butcher could do even if he did keep rising like a torn-up Terminator. He refused to stay down and with every chance he got, he started smashing and slashing back, putting Colon through panes and swinging tubes in his direction. This wasn’t enough though and as things progressed, Butcher ended up being stomped through the glass and dumped right through a door and tube contraption. He was being dragged through hell and Colon was the reaper. He still wouldn’t give though and kept powering through and powering up to swing and smash back. It got so bad that Colon went for the gusset 2×4, the bane of the GCW deathmatch division. He was about to swing it at Butcher when Bateman, who’d been ringside with Evans watching the match unfold, interjected himself and snatched it away. He did not want to see that thing used and almost pushed Colon into a roll-up. That gave Butcher a new way back into things and he hammered and bludgeoned through until Colon was knocked out.

He’d retained his title but it had taken everything. Colon pushed him past every limit he had, breaking tubes, panes and doors with his body and painting the ring with his blood. This was the closest Butcher had come to losing the title yet but through power and will he’d held out and retained. The match had been incredible and the show had ended with a bang but there was just one more bit of business to take care of. Colon smashed in Bateman with a bundle and chewed him out for costing him here. He wasn’t mad, just disappointed that Bateman had chosen to protect Butcher over him. It was by no means the end of the Bloodfighters but this family clearly needed to fight so next time Colon was in Australia, it was time for that fight. Plus, Butcher dropped a hint that he’ll be in the UK in July… Guess I need to keep an eye out for that. Once again, DMDU went above and beyond here. This show maintained their high standard of quality and delivered, even more, great and gruesome delights. The future looks bright and even bloodier as Wargames looms…

All images courtesy of DMDU, Digital Beard, Jake Hurdle Photography