Welcome back to H2O and to another weekend of anarchy. The H2O Centre was bustling with activity as we had not one, but two stacked shows to enjoy. Up first, Death Wave, the place to handle the title business and some of the grudge matches before tomorrow’s massive tag-team deathmatch tournament. On the cards tonight are AKIRA vs Austin Luke, Masha Slamovich vs Kennedi Copeland, Chuck Payne battling both GG Everson and Devantes, the Adonis Valerio open challenge, and much much more leading to the main event scrap between Deklan Grant and one of the few men to have beaten him in recent memory, Brandon Kirk. There was a lot on the line as H2O vs The Killjoys raged on so let’s get into the carnage.

Cecilio Vega (w/Rocket) defeated Edward Hawkins via Rear-Naked Choke

The business kicked off with a visit from the President. No, not Matt Tremont. The self-proclaimed President of H2O, Edward Hawkins was out pushing for more votes and to continue the campaign trail railing on deathmatch wrestling. In his way, the man who thankfully choked him out at the last event, Cecilio Vega. Now, I was hoping he’d finish the job and choke Hawkins out again. I got my wish as that’s exactly how this match was won. After some early bitching about fair play in the opening, Hawkins tried to play the match as dirtily as he could, often resorting to underhanded tactics when his regular arsenal wouldn’t work. Vega was too tough for that and thankfully, Rocket was watching along for any BS. As Hawkins tried to pull the Guerrero, “he hit me” trick, Rocket hit the Frog Splash and Vega choked him out for the win. It seems those who preach technical wrestling, shouldn’t try to cheat to win. Vega got a nice win here and Hawkins lost more votes. How long before he complains about election fraud? It does still baffle me that Hawkins thinks he’s going to get public support for his anti-deathmatch rhetoric in a company where Hardcore is literally in the name…

Devantes & GG Everson defeated Chuck Payne via TKO

Chuck Payne loves to claim he’s the ultimate monster in H2O. More often than not, he’s proved right but that doesn’t mean the company is always trying to change that. Enter this match. Payne was against not one, but two hosses, one the H2O favourite who had been really stepping up as of late, GG Everson and the other being the Hoss of all Hosses, Devantes. Payne was outnumbered but was he going to be outgunned? Payne made sure to at least tip some of the odds in his favour by enforcing the one in, one out rule. Payne held his own well here. He pushed both guys to their limits and definitely got to bully GG. However, when they got going, they really got going and Devantes was able to not only beat the Chokeslam but score the three-count with a TKO. It was a fun little fight with a nice dynamic and some foreshadowing tomorrow. As expected, Payne wasn’t happy with that loss so it’ll be him vs GG tomorrow at the deathmatch tournament under anything goes rules.

H2O Hybrid Championship: Adonis Valerio defeated Steve Sanders via Top Rope Lawn Dart

Next out was Adonis Valerio. The Naughty One was going to be generous and give anyone in the back a shot at his Hybrid Title. Any and all comers were welcome to step up and try and take that title. The man to answer the challenge, The Stoned Jabrone, Steve Sanders. He’d been looking to do things the right way since getting back and there’s nothing quite like an open challenge to get the ball rolling. It was certainly a valiant effort. These two ran the gamut of technicality and brutishness as Sanders looked to secure that title and Valerio looked to have a whole lot of fun at Sanders’ expense. The pair had some nice chemistry and the poor ref got just as trapped in the action as the wrestlers, eating a superkick and being Valerio’s unwilling weapon. Sanders could have walked away the new champion if it hadn’t been for these shenanigans but hey, it means Valerio can keep living the American Wet Dream for now. Plus, that Lawn Dart finish was pretty gnarly. It’s been fun watching Valerio evolve as champ. Even Nick Grande made a visit post-match to show he truly has lost it. He was moping, psychotically giggling with a sack on his head and a body adorned in black writing. Something has gone very wrong in the House of Grande.

Mitch Vallen defeated Duncan Aleem via Chokebomb

HELLO! HELLO! Mitch Vallen was out next and ready to get his hands on his former best friend, Jeff Cannonball. Ever since the Keepers of the Gate formed, they’ve made Mitch Vallen’s life a living hell as Cannonball tries to get some kind of petty revenge. Now, was finally the time to sort that. Or, at least it would have been, had he actually taken the match. You see, the KOTG had prepared something else for Mitch. Vallen had already cracked everyone up with an incredible introduction, now it was time to fight. Cannonball came out and injured himself on the way into the ring. The X was thrown and Duncan Aleem took his place… for all of two minutes. It was a very fun two minutes though as he brought the energy only he can and packed the time with comedy, losing his rag when Mitch broke his glasses. He fell to the Chokebomb leaving Cannonball despondent. That wasn’t it though for Mitch, as Cannonball had a plan b.

Mitch Vallen defeated Myke Quest via Chokebomb

Plan B, was Myke Quest. Cannonball made the match there and then, taunting Vallen with the chance to fight him at the Anniversary show if he won. From there, we had an excellent little encounter between H2O Trainer and H2O Vet. The pair put on a nice showcase as Quest did everything in his power to lock Vallen down. Since the pair have a lot of beef, we got some hard shots and heavy slams thrown in as Quest really made Vallen work for this one. It nearly ended prematurely with a low blow up but the Director of Anarchy Terra Calaway came out to restart things. She was not letting this one end like that and took over the referee spot to ensure it. Cannonball tried to play the husband card but Calaway was having none of it, she was tired of these baby dick antics. Vallen avoided powder and the numbers to watch a cock-up cascade ensue as Cannonball blinded Quest and Quest Snow Ploughed Aleem to hell because of it. When the powder had settled, Vallen gave Quest a back-fist to the future and ended things with the Chokebomb. Life was definitely a Mitch tonight for Cannonball and his cronies.

Mouse, Chris Bradley & Kristian Ross defeated Drew Blood, Reid Walker & Dyln McKay via Head Drop on McKay

HOLY SHIT! Mouse has an actual match. It’s sad I have to say that but recent circumstances have shown that the Creature Feature of the company has a habit of being left out these days. He was joining fellow stablemates Chris Bradley and Kristian Ross for a six-man war against the combined forces of Drew Blood, Reid Walker and Dyln McKay, three H2O favourites. This could get wild. Annoyingly, on a show where I could make surf puns aplenty, Walker had forgotten his surfboard… What followed was an absolute masterclass in destruction and durability. The Killjoys started rough but found their victims and put on a clinic of ring trapping and multi-man viciousness. The H2O favourites continuously showed out when they got the chance but found themselves trapped under the oppressive might of Ross, Bradley and Mouse for quite a bit of this one. When it blew open, it got pretty intense and really creative but Blood, Walker and McKay just couldn’t get the well-oiled machine to break no matter how many times they flew, flipped and dropped them. It was another valiant effort against the odds and an excellent match to kick the tempo up.

Austin Luke defeated AKIRA via Kick Combo Brainbuster

Fuck yeah, AKIRA was finally in the H2O Centre making his H2O debut. The Death Samurai was one of those people who felt like a perfect fit for the chaotic company and he was getting to start off his run right against a fitting opponent. AKIRA is a damn fine example of a hybrid wrestler so H2O had put him against their hybrid wrestler, Austin Luke. This was going to be a good one. Okay, good was an understatement. I feel at times I’ve become AKIRA’s personal cheerleader but he seems incapable of having bad matches. Luke was his equal here and the pair put on one hell of a snug, violent chess game of a match full of harsh kicks, clever holds and counters galore. As time went on, they ramped up the intensity and stakes by going for head drops and making the blood flow with nothing but their limbs. It was a harsh, slow-burn battle of wills with both guys showing out. No matter his attitude, Austin Luke is one of the best in H2O. He just gets wrestling and delivers no matter the match type. He was prepared for AKIRA’s durability and met him with just as much ferocity as he was getting back. Sure, he took a shortcut with a dick kick but after everything AKIRA had done to him, it felt like the only way to stop the relentless Death Samurai. These two got 16 minutes and told one hell of a story. This is hopefully just a taste of AKIRA in H2O and hopefully not the last we see of these two in a ring together. That type of magic needs to be repeated. Must-watch match of the show right here. Luke wanted to give AKIRA the kendo treatment post-match but Masha was waiting in the wings, ready to snatch the stick away and twat him in the head with it.

Kennedi Copeland defeated Masha Slamovich via Jack-Knife Pin Trap

Since Masha was already in the ring, Kennedi Copeland rushed out to ambush her and start the match without the pomp and circumstance of introductions. Miss Murder wanted to live up to her name and wreck one of the fiercest competitors H2O had brought in, the Russian Dynamite. You don’t mess with Masha but Copeland has never been above poking the bear. Bloody hell these two tore into each other. Copeland tried to work that advantage she’d gotten for all its worth but that soon fell away to an all-out war between two tough as nails fighters. Both fighters here took shots that could drop a grizzly. Copeland tried to pick apart an arm for her submission work and Masha tried to brute force her way through by kicking Copeland’s head in and dropping her on her neck as many times as she could. This was a hurricane of hellacious moments with Copeland taking the win after kicking out Masha’s pure murder driver. With one last gasp, Masha charged, only to get trapped in a pin. It was a snap end to a blistering match with Miss Murder getting to smugly prove everyone wrong once again. Copeland has proven time and time again she’s unkillable but I think Masha just drove that test to a whole new level for this one. It was harsh, rough and full of violent moments, a pure Slamovich match.

H2O World Heavyweight Championship: Deklan Grant (without Jess Moss) defeated Brandon Kirk (w/Kasey Kirk) via Rope-Pull Roll-up

Last but not least, the main event. Deklan Grant had personally called out Brandon Kirk and offered the Rogue a title match at the last event. Kirk had obviously accepted, no amount of 90 Day Fiancé was going to stop him from potentially gaining some H2O gold. With Kasey accompanying him, they were ready to bring some fantasy to H2O and dethrone the grimy couple at the top. The odd thing was that Jess wasn’t with Grant tonight. Instead, the champ was flying solo and suffered early on as Kirk relied on his experience and a lot of arm-breaking to get the champ where he wanted him. Grant scrapped back and employed the same strategy, leaving both guys with broken arms. This didn’t stop them continuously slugging back as Grant would get too cocky and Kirk would blast the smile off his face. It was Grant’s match to win but he kept getting too comfortable and giving Kirk every chance to get back into things. it led to some nasty exchanges and a lot of aches for both guys as they ate the other’s killing blows. In the end, it was a roll-up that got the win as Grant threw himself into the ropes for some extra leverage. It had been a pretty impactful main event and Grant got to knock off another H2O Vet. The champ had retained but Kirk had definitely left a mark. Kirk was even being a good sport about it since it was a very “roguish” thing to do. Grant remained a grimy bastard and punted Kirk in the balls for trying to offer a hand. Kasey came in to defend her husband when the Killjoys appeared. They were about to make the Kirks hurt a whole lot more when the H2O locker room sent them off running. The Boss was out and he wasn’t holding back, Mouse got another match, a deathmatch against Drew Blood for tomorrow whilst his stablemates are in the tournament and AKIRA is back in action against Ryan Redfield. The tournament show just got a whole lot hotter. See you then.

All images courtesy of H2O

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