WARNING: STRONG VIOLENCE & LANGUAGE AHEAD
Welcome back to H2O and to a special weekend in H2O history. It’s the sixth-year anniversary of the company. For six years, H2O has been ticking along giving us some of the most promising talents for the future, insane deathmatches, and giving wrestling and deathmatch veterans a place to call home. As such, this show would be a celebration of the OGs and the new generation across two days. We’d see champions rise and fall, grudges play out and the continuation of the Kennedi Copeland Killjoy Squadron vs H2O. Not to mention, first-time deathmatches, gore, and grappling all lined up for our enjoyment. Let’s get into the carnage.
Day 1
H2O Heavyweight Championship: Colby Corino defeated Deklan Grant via Crucifix Bomb
We kicked things off with a title match. Deklan Grant had demanded an opponent he’d never beaten before this time so Matt Tremont had gone through the history books and brought out Grant’s first-ever opponent, Colby Corino. Grant was not happy and Corino was all too smug about the first time he’d beaten up Grant. Now, he wanted to repeat that historic match and snag some gold. This was the most fired-up I’ve seen Grant in a while. He always gives good performances but here there was desperation that made it seem like he was fighting for his life. He jumped Corino and brought out things we’ve never seen or long since forgotten to try and get the better of his foe but it just wasn’t good enough. Corino was constantly kicking out and finding his own answers to the problems Grant was trying to give him. Hell, he even played deadweight possum just so Grant would shit-talk him. That left him wide open to the Crucifix Bomb and the L. H2O has a new Heavyweight Champion and though one evil has been exorcised, I think a new one might be taking over as Corino and Tremont aren’t exactly friends. Corino’s first words as champ, “Fuck you, pay me.” Short, sweet, and saw him leaving with a title and his pay envelope.
First-Time Death: Matt Tremont vs EFFY ends in no contest
After that shocker of a first match, Tremont was in the ring and ready to dance. He called EFFY out and they prepared to give everyone the weekend’s first taste of death. They’d teamed before but this was going to be a first-time-ever deathmatch for the pair. We know EFFY can turn on the bloodletting when he needs to and recent variants have shown as much but was he ready for the Bulldozer in his element? Well… it turns out EFFY had retired from deathmatch and instead proposed a dance-off. That was obviously a ruse and although he dropped some sick moves, he blindsided Tremont before he could retort. That led to a pretty fun fight with both men trying out the other’s offence and slugging the absolute shit out of each other. The inevitable fuckery final entered the mix with EFFY starting the glass fest off with a bundle to Tremont. That just woke the Bulldozer up and soon EFFY found himself brained by bundles. EFFY tried to use another round of dancing to cool things off and it seemed to be working as both guys grooved it out, only for the Bulldozer to brain EFFY with a third bundle. The DVD followed but a pin couldn’t be counted as Copeland & co rushed the ring to attack Tremont. EFFY helped send them packing and together the pair chased after them, abandoning the match. I had a blast with this one. Sure, the ending sucked but I can’t hate deathmatch and dancing. Both guys had a blast and knew exactly how to make this match work.
H2O Hybrid Championship 5-way: Billie Starkz defeated Adonis Valerio, Reid Walker, Dyln McKay & Steve Sanders via Pin Steal on Valerio
The chaos continued with a fatal-five way for the Hybrid Championship. Adonis Valerio was going to have to defend his title against a whole host of H2O favourites and the returning Space Jesus, Billie Starkz. The action was going to spill everywhere in this one as we had some of the top high-flyers in the company mixing it up. Yep, this was as hectic as it first appeared. We had a menagerie of multi-person spots and continuous collisions as everyone in the match tried to punch their ticket to glory. No one dragged and everyone seemed to be delivering their best whenever the spotlight was on them. Starkz got the win but we saw a bit of the craftiness Bully Starkz often uses as she let Walker end Valerio with a Handspring Shiranui and nabbed the victory for herself. Starkz is your new Hybrid Champion and ends the naughty era we’d all come to get used to. Great match and a nice shot of energy to keep people going.
Shit Storm Tag-team Deathmatch: Anthraxx & Alex Stretch defeated Kennedi Copeland & Mouse via Rock-covered Diving Headbutt on Mouse
The buckets of fuckery were out in force for this one as Miss Murder rang out throughout the H2O Centre. Kennedi Copeland and Mouse were making their second appearance of the show for their actual scheduled match. They were in a Shit Storm Deathmatch against Alex Stretch and the man that had come to save Stretch after his original partner failed to make it, Anthraxx. There was a lot of fuckery here and four bloodletters ready to get to work. Well, three to begin with as Stretch found himself in a handicap match that Musical Chairs couldn’t fix. From there, Copeland took out her frustrations on Stretch whilst Mouse tried to remain the most eccentric performer. Stretch refuse to give up no matter how many blocks, tacks and salt he ate and kept laughing through the pain. Eventually, when it seemed help wasn’t coming, Anthraxx charged in to even the odds and started throwing bodies. This gave Stretch time to recover and the chance for a strip-laden shopping cart to enter the mix. After all the hell he took during the opening minutes, Stretch got the win after Anthraxx powerbombed Copeland and Mouse to hell, covered Mouse in rocks and watch Stretch fly with a diving headbutt. It was a satisfying end to one monster of an uphill battle. Again, I loved this. The shit-talking from Copeland, Mouse’s weird ideas and the eventual overcoming of the odds just made everything work. Mouse tried to attack again but the pair sent him running with a message, an old friend is coming to see him.
Mitch Vallen defeated Jeff Cannonball (w/Duncan Aleem & Myke Quest) via Crossface Chicken wing
Oh, I’ve waited for this one. The Keepers of the Gate have been trying to do what’s best for business (in their eyes) and continuously ruin the career of Cannonball’s former friend and tag partner Mitch Vallen. After months of BS, Vallen was finally getting his chance at revenge. It was Cannonball vs Vallen, no holds barred. There was going to be no interference from Quest and Aleem either as Terra Calaway, the Director of Anarchy and Cannonball’s wife, dragged the pair far away so this match could just play out. Holy shit what a grudge match. There was nothing held back here as Mitch had all the fun he wanted with a whole lot of references thrown in for good fun. We had soda boarding, light tubes, carpet strips and so much more as Mitch looked to make Cannonball bleed and pay for everything he’d done. Cannonball also got his licks in, craftily catching Vallen and trying to make him suffer too. It didn’t really work out so he tried begging into a low blow but Vallen had brought a cup so it was pointless. Mitch tapped Cannonball out and the Gatekeeper and his cronies were forced to leave out the back. Hopefully, that’s the end of this little arc. I miss the deathmatch warrior Cannonball who was full of violent fun and soda. Let’s hope this nightmare comes to an end because Life was a Mitch and Cannonball died.
Danny Havoc Hardcore Title: Lucky 13 defeated Bam Sullivan & Cole Radrick via Half Package Piledriver on Radrick
We returned to the action with another title fight. The Danny Havoc Hardcore Title was on the line as Lucky 13 had to take the belt to Wreck Shit Mountain and battle Cole Radrick. However, this wasn’t just a singles contest, Bam Sullivan was getting involved to potentially become the first-ever two-time champ. We had three unique fighters at the ready, let’s see who came out on top. 13 did it again but it was far from easy as all three guys went through some rough moments during this one. Radrick fit right in with the fast-paced violence and Sullivan was in top form despite some scary moments. It all flowed well and gave us another car wreck hybrid deathmatch full of barbed wire. It’s really hard to work out who could stop 13 at this rate.
Fans Bring the Weapons: Jimmy Lyon & Mickie Knuckles defeated Kristian Ross & Chris Bradley via Bundle Breaker double stomp on Ross
Oh fuck, here comes the pain. You see Tremont has never forgotten Ross and Bradley’s betrayal and is never above giving people revenge so here we had the ultimate tag team deathmatch. Ross and Bradley on one side, Jimmy Lyon and Mickie Knuckles on the other. In between, any sadistic contraption that the H2O fans could put together. To kick things off, Mickie Knuckles was given a barbed wire bouquet during her entrance. That gave you some idea of what’s to come. Wow. Things had been anarchic so far but this blew them out of the fucking water. This was fuckery from start to finish with everyone getting as brutally creative as they could. No part of the anatomy was safe from violence as syringes, tacks, tubes and more went to places they shouldn’t. It was an absolute riot with Lyon and Knuckles giving Ross and Bradley absolute hell whilst tanking some of the worst punishment of the night. If you wanted blood, violence and pain, you got it all here. If you’ve ever had the oddly specific want to see Mickie Knuckles jousting in a shopping cart, you got that too. This was so damn fun and so damn messy. It stole the show so far with just how wild it got and how far all four fighters were willing to go. Goddamn, does it get good when Mickie Knuckles is in the house.
Ryan Redfield defeated 1 Called Manders via Discuss Decapitator
There have been few encounters quite as heated as the wars between 1 Called Manders and Ryan Redfield. Two straight-up hosses doing straight-up hoss shit in a battle of the tough guys. We’ve seen in the past the chemistry they have, the grudging respect that’s there for one another and the outright viciousness they inflict whenever they’re unleashed on each other. Last time, Redfield was left in the hospital with a damaged arm so he was coming with even more fire than the last. This got ugly fast and we saw both guys utilising a spur for extra damage alongside their heavy shots and harder slams. It was pure hoss fight gold with Redfield coming out on top despite a hard battle and a seemingly unkillable Manders. This is how you end something in style. You go all out with new elements within the same environment and trash talk each other until one of you turns off the lights. This was a blast and another reminder of a) how good Manders is, why isn’t he everywhere and b) the bright future of Ryan Redfield. Big Red knows how to make you give a shit, has an amazing fighting style and should be another of the big things to come out of the H2O Training Centre. What a showcase for both.
I Quit Deathmatch: Marcus Mathers defeated Austin Luke via Tube Carving Border City Stretch
Speaking of killing things in style, it was time to end the Marcus Mathers/Austin Luke feud once and for all. Since Halloween 2021, when Luke pummelled Mathers half to death, the Young Prodigy has been looking for vengeance. There have been countless fights and countless failures along the way but this was the fight to end all fights. Mathers/Luke one final time, I Quit rules. One man was going to have to quit the match and it was hard to tell who was going to leave this one the victor and how much would be left of them. Fucking hell. This was the ultimate catharsis match for both the competitors in the ring and the H2O fans watching. Luke got to tear Mathers apart and show him up constantly whilst Mathers continued to bounce back and throw everything he had at his former friend. It was all so personal, stiff and unflinchingly violent. The pair had tubes galore and certainly made use of them, Luke slowly bringing them in more and more when his traditional wrestling and kicks weren’t doing the job. The closing stretch of the match saw Mathers just whale on Luke with tubes and bundles for every betrayal that he has committed, be it against himself or H2O. This was as personal as it gets and finally, after months and months of hardship, Mathers got to end this his way. Luke quit and Mathers was the winner after nearly cutting Luke’s face off in a Border City/Rings of Saturn stretch. Christ, it was a nasty but worthwhile watch. Six F’N Years Day 1 ended with a very bright spotlight on two of the top prospects from the company nearly killing each other in one of the strongest death fests of the year so far. I think even Luke realised what bloody art they’d just made and gave Mathers the slightest of handshakes to end things.
Day 2
Anthraxx defeated Bam Sullivan & Ron Mathis via Welcome to the Madhouse on Mathis
Show two kicked off with Anthraxx calling his spot. In the build-up to the weekend’s festivities, he’d laid claim to a match against an H2O OG. Turns out he was getting more than his money’s worth as both Bam Sullivan and Ron Mathis stepped up to give him the fight he craved. Damn, this kicked things off with a bit of everything. We had Mathis and his relentless striking, some Twin Magic between Anthraxx and Sullivan and a whole lot of competitive wrestling. It was a nice opening match that let Anthraxx enjoy the spotlight and let Mathis and Sullivan have some fun on night two. Nothing to complain about here, it was a very nice win for Anthraxx. He played it smart by destroying Mathis after he’d wrecked his knee taking out Sullivan. Well played, Anthraxx, well played.
H2O Tag Team Championships: The End Game (Darien Hardway & Leroy Robinson) defeated Kaos Control (Rocket & Cecilio Vega) & WTF (Bruce Grey & Tyler Voxx) via Throwaway Spinebuster on Vega
PowerPlex from @BruceGreyDDT and @Voxxybb #H2O6 pic.twitter.com/TKzjhygYLe
— Tripping Balls (@IsThisWrestling) June 26, 2022
WTF continued to invade the opening matches of the show as Grey and Voxx went from being cheerleaders during the first match to tag title contenders in the second. They inserted themselves into the scheduled fight between The End Game and Kaos Control to bring a bit of veteran savvy to this rising star showcase. As is often the case with H2O, I was blown away by just how much talent was in that ring. Despite their early pantomime villain theft shenanigans, WTF proved to be a valuable piece of the puzzle for this match as they often helped the other teams show off. Rocket and Vega especially looked amazing here with a whole barrage of fluid and fierce combos at their disposal. The champs managed to retain and still looked strong as hell doing so but the real takeaway for me is just how much of a complete unit Kaos Control is. Rocket has always been an insanely good performer but now he has a partner watching his back and joining in the Kaos. So far, so good for night two. Much like the first match, this showed off just how well new and old generations can mix and how bright the future is for the H2O rising stars.
Mouse defeated Aiden Baal via Leverage Pin
Holy shit, Mouse has another match! After the cryptic message left to him at the end of yesterday’s rock n roll match, he’d been scratching and clawing his head trying to work out who this “old friend” could be. The wait was over and the H2O Creature Feature was clearly agitated by the continued delay. He wanted to know who was coming back and if he could kill them. The answer was his former stablemate, Aiden Baal. The only surviving member of the Extricated has had to deal with not one but two betrayals during his time and now, he was coming to collect. Mouse tried to sweet talk Baal to his side but made the cardinal sin of threatening Baal’s kid. Not a good move and one that got Mouse bludgeoned all around the venue. Alas, the crafty rodent had an answer to most things and despite the beating, got his hand raised at the end with a leverage pin. It was a sprint of a match but showed Baal hasn’t lost a step and has a new target to go after in his former stablemate now turn cloak, Mouse. Even more so since Mouse continued attacking post-match. Maybe don’t make enemies of angry giants Mouse… it can’t end well.
Brandon Kirk defeated Jimmy Lloyd, Drew Blood & Cole Radrick via Snap Piledriver on Blood
Sadly, Lucky 13 couldn’t make show two due to tragic circumstances thus leaving Brandon Kirk without his scheduled match. Instead of taking the night off, Kirk ended up in a four-way deathmatch with Cole Radrick, Jimmy Lloyd and Drew Blood (who only arrived a day late.) They had plenty of fuckery and a bit of time so they all agreed to cause some carnage. That they most definitely did. This was another sprint of a match but it hit all the high notes and offered some light comedy as it turns out everyone hates carpet strips. Kirk got to enjoy another win and we saw some awesome deathmatch action from everyone involved. It didn’t need to be long or flashy and managed to deliver some shocks, gasps and a dose of excitement. Everyone got their moments and made the most of the time on offer.
Drunken Deathmatch: Joel Bateman defeated Lowlife Louie via Lariat
a-Louie Louie
oh no…#H2O6 pic.twitter.com/mPVTR1wOP5— Tripping Balls (@IsThisWrestling) June 26, 2022
The DMDU Boss was back in the H2O Centre and this time, he was taking on one of the most beloved deathmatch veterans in the company, Lowlife Louie. They were going to fight to the deathmatch in one of the most fitting stipulations, the drunken deathmatch. We had a whole lot of razor-sharp cans at the ready and two men up for a scrap. It would be the beer vs Four Loko showdown. Oh, and every time the bell rang, both wrestlers had to take a shot. Oh boy, that bell rang a lot at a time guaranteed to fuck at least one of the wrestlers over. That might have derailed the wrestlers a lot but overall, this match rocked. Louie is at his best when there’s someone willing to power him up and that’s just what Bateman did. This was part fuckery fest, part blood bath and part slug out as the pair bulldozed their way through each other. It was clear to see they were having fun, though I don’t think Joel was a fan of the shots or the rapid-fire consumption of said shots. This was one for Louie’s bucket list and I think it was a success. It was bloody, entertaining and a nice addition to the card. Post-match, we got to see how much it really meant to Louie as he handed Bateman the Sunset Park shirt he always wears for matches. He might never get to fight in Australia but Bateman gave him the chance to experience Aussie Deathmatch. It was an emotional roller-coaster where Bateman made sure to give Louie the flowers he’d earned.
Mickie Knuckles defeated Jess Moss via Tube Landing Murder Bomb
Pumphandle Driver into the pile of tubes! @BloodyMickie #H2O6 pic.twitter.com/l0yi7w9RCU
— Tripping Balls (@IsThisWrestling) June 26, 2022
The carnage continued with an all-out war between Mickie Knuckles and Jess Moss. Here were two of the toughest fighters to grace the company in a ring together, ready to beat the shit out of each other. Moss has shown time and time again just how scrappy and ruthless she can be but Knuckles was about to push her to the limit. As I’d hoped, this turned into quite the fight. Knuckles was extra salty at first, laying in harsh shots and trying to fire up Moss. In her eyes, Moss had called her out so she must have had a plan or some understanding of what she was up against. When she wasn’t getting that fire, she took Moss on a tour of pain all around the venue until she could bring out that killer instinct. Moss went from punching bag to meeting Knuckles for this hard-hitting war she so clearly wanted. It made for a captivating watch as the two tried to annihilate each other. This was pure savagery from both fighters with Knuckles making sure Moss knew exactly who she was in there with. By the end, both were covered in tacks and cut up but they were happy. Knuckles had brought something out of Moss and wanted to keep seeing it in action. I’ve always been impressed by Moss when she fights and here, we saw everyone getting behind her as Knuckles pushed her over the edge. After the fact, she kept dropping names as she wants to fight the members of the big boy’s club if they can handle a bit of Knuckles playtime anyway.
H2O Hybrid Title: Reid Walker defeated Billie Starkz via Handspring Shiranui
We took a break from the fuckery to enter another title match. After the way Billie Starkz won the Hybrid Title last night, it left Reid Walker with a lot of anger and only one way to get revenge. So, he had a title shot against the champ tonight. He had come so close to the title last night, was he going to be able to claim it tonight by beating the fighter that stole his pinfall? He actually was but only just. What started as a cocky match between the pair descended into an all-out bomb fest as the pair just kept throwing each other and trying to break the other’s neck. Starkz was merciless in this one but Walker kept tanking the blows and encouraging more, even when he was eating Tombstones onto the apron. This felt like a vengeance match with Starkz out to put Walker down for daring to challenge her so soon. He persevered and managed to seal the deal with the move that should have gotten him the title last night. After coming so close to titles on numerous occasions, Walker finally has a title and he managed to win it from one of the best rising stars on the scene right now.
Anything Goes: Matt Tremont defeated Deklan Grant via DVD
god I love @TremontH2O #H2O6 pic.twitter.com/KkROiiZZSu
— Tripping Balls (@IsThisWrestling) June 26, 2022
Well, this wasn’t a wholly unexpected match. Deklan Grant was finally dethroned as H2O Heavyweight champion on yesterday’s show by a handpicked opponent from Matt Tremont. With his prize gone, Grant had a reason to get as grimy as he wanted with the boss in a ring of fuckery. Something told me this wasn’t going to be a pleasant little wrestling match. There were two key components to this match, tubes and fists. Both were used gratuitously throughout as both men vented their frustrations with the other. Months ago, Grant turned his back on H2O and for that, Tremont wanted him to pay. It was a very gruelling brawl of broken glass and bloody bodies with the odd door and chair thrown in for good measure. The pair just took this chance to beat the absolute shit out of each other in a visceral bloody conflict that again, spanned the venue. Tremont got the win but he’d brought the fire and fury out of Grant. By the end, it took three DVDs to end Grant and Tremont couldn’t be prouder. He hadn’t wanted Corino as Grant’s opponent but that’s how it had gone down. Grant needed to find the positive and grow. Tremont and the company were proud of him for earning everything he did. There was no bad blood left and Tremont hoped that one day, should he need it, he’ll have a grimy bastard watching his back. Who knew all it took was a barrage of light tubes and stiff shots to bring people closer, eh?
Last Man Standing: GG Everson defeated Chuck Payne via Ring Rope Choke Out
Last but not least, the second main event of the weekend. Chuck Payne has really become the Monster of H2O. After realising he needed no one, he turned on everyone and took out anyone who dare to get in his way. He sees himself as the last real tough guy on the roster and has continuously challenged those in the locker room. One man who answered the call was GG Everson. They have collided and now, they were colliding again where the three-count didn’t matter, under last man standing rules. It would take a ten-count to win this one and both men were ready to obliterate each other to win. This was brutal. Payne and Everson had a big man battle for the ages complete with blood, broken tables and a broken ring as they tore the place apart. Everson was way more dominant than expected as he bust Payne open early with a trip into a ring post and continued to line up fuckery or tear things down to keep things moving. Payne was no slouch and used whatever trick he could to take Everson down but he could never find the direct killing blow. Everson took Payne to hell with horrific landings on chair piles and a Powerbomb through a fuckery tower but it took him choking out Payne with a ring rope and pretty much putting him to sleep to get the job done. One of H2O’s first students was now standing tall in the ring after winning the main event of day 2. He’d put the company’s reputation on his back and carried it through the onslaught Payne had tried to bring. Alas, the time could not be celebrated as Ross, Bradley and Mouse tried to attack once again. Austin Luke turned on the group and Deklan Grant rushed to the boss’s aid when the unthinkable happened, Alex Stretch turned on H2O and joined the outcasts. He swung on the boss and his allies with a barbed wire axe and left with the rest of them when the locker room chased them out. We saw redemption and darkness in the final act of the show but again, it leaves me wondering what it’ll take to stop Copeland’s breakaway group. Well, on July 18th we find out in a cage match. Stretch is definitely a deadly new addition and someone everyone should fear. Happy anniversary H2O, here’s to many more!
All images courtesy of H2O, Ami Moregore, IsThisWrestling